Talk:Megami Tensei/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: PresN (talk · contribs) 19:56, 11 June 2015 (UTC)

I'll review this within the next couple of days. --PresN 19:56, 11 June 2015 (UTC)

Okay! That was a lot of reading. It's all looking really good, so just a few things below which shouldn't take that long to fix- mainly small grammar issues.

• I'd like to see the lead give an idea of how many games in total are in the series
• The Shin Megami Tensei: Persona section is a little confusing- you mention that there's two Persona 2 games without explanation, but still call Persona 5 the fifth game despite listing 6 games. Also, the last sentence uses "moniker" twice.
• "was created based around similar systems to Nocturne, while being intended" - "being" is weak, and it's a tense shift besides
• "developed by Atlus for the DS under the, Devil Survivor moniker" - no comma
• It's a bit odd to call it and link the whole phrase for "the original Devil Survivor"
• "they do share certain elements. One of its" - pronoun shift; you refer to the "games" in the first sentence and switch back to singular in the second
• "This choice was originally made to set the game apart from other fantasy-based gaming franchises of the time, and that modern day Tokyo was rarely seen in games as opposed to versions of it from the past" - the "and that" construction is off, and this sentence repeats the previous one a bit
• "to portray the thread on a global scale" - amusing typo
• "A Moon Phase System [...] was also featured" - you switch from present to past tense for this sentence only
• "The layout of the first two Megami Tensei games were noticeably different" - from what? Each other?
• "story was based on both the first book, and the third book" - no comma
• "the limited specs of the Famicom" - specs is jargon, try capabilities
• "decided that they wanted to do break" - ?
• "In many of these earlier games, staff members at Atlus had cameos in the games" - games games
• "The next entry if..., was also" - no comma
• "Alognside working on" - typo
• "According to Okada, the naming of creatures and enemies was different from the main series, so made Persona more acceptable" - so made?
• "so the team created Strange Journey with a localization in mind" - "a" localization?
• The sales numbers are confusing- you say the series sold 4 million in Japan by 2003, and 13 million worldwide by November '14, but then show that the 13 million is made up entirely by the SMT and Persona series games- what about the other games, like the regular MT games? Is the 13 million only outside of Japan? Or are you defining the whole MT/SMT series as SMT?
• ""create a truly unique fictional cyberpunk world."[104]" - period outside of the quote mark, as it's not a full sentence
• "referring to its content as "Challenging stuff" - lower case C
• Ref problems: dates are bad format in ref 67, name mess up in ref 82, you don't need to say that the author is the magazine editors in ref 105, or staff in 114. Also, you have just about everything archived but not the ANN stuff + some others in the 40s and 50s.

--PresN 19:49, 14 June 2015 (UTC)

Fixed everything above, I think. --ProtoDrake (talk) 22:17, 14 June 2015 (UTC)

Alright, pass! --PresN 01:25, 15 June 2015 (UTC)