Talk:Murder of José Rafael Llenas Aybar
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[Untitled]
editThere are quite a few problems with this article:
(1) Narrative
Some parts read more like a crime noir story than an encyclopedia entry;
'at a shopping center where the boy was hanging out with some of his classmates', and,
'Redondo stated that Luis Palma, the ambassador's husband, forced them to murder the boy, otherwise he'd kill Redondo's younger sister'.
(2) Grammar
A few problems with grammar, for example,
'Nonetheless, the spot where the body was found was a short distance away from land the where Palma-Meccia family dog breeding facilty, which made the Palmas' implication in the case at least plausible.'
(3) Imprecise wording
This is very important for the parts discussing the legal aspects of the case, such as referring to 10 years being reduced from the sentence after appeal as, 'slightly reduced', and the following justification for this, as,
'on account that he was not the killer per se, but more of a passive accomplice.'129.234.4.1 18:16, 19 May 2007 (UTC)Jon
Introduction to this article
editI have tagged this article as having a missing LEAD section because the lead sentence or opening paragraph does not summarize the rest of the article, so I have no idea why this article is even notable enough to bother reading in detail. I have also tagged the article as needing sections so that various parts of the article are more accessible, rather than being a single block of text.
The genealogy section in the introduction is very distracting and takes the reader's attention away from the lines of text below it, as it acts as a divider, suggests the following text as unimportant, when it is not. In many respects, the genealogy section is unimportant as this sort of information should only be presented when and where it is appropriate to support the reader's understanding. If a family tree is included, it should be confined to either the bottom of the article, say, as an appendix or the significance of the victim's ancestors should be explained first, before the ancestral tree is presented. Otherwise this is almost irrelevant information. - Cameron Dewe (talk) 22:08, 24 April 2022 (UTC)