Talk:Myst (series)/GA1
Latest comment: 15 years ago by The Prince of Darkness in topic GA Review
GA Review
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Overall, a good article. I'll finish the review a little later, but for now, here is Lead and Story:
- Lead
The link to Stranger in the lead doesn't link to its intended section.Civilization and travelling are both used in the article. Use either AmE or BrE consistently.12 million copies. - I may be wrong, but I was always taught that numbers from 1-12 should be written in letters.Myst drove adoption of personal computers and CD-drives, an attracted nongamers with its nonviolent gameplay. - First of all: what does it mean to drive adoption? Secondly, what is a CD-drive? A link would be good. Lastly, "an attracted"; is this a misspelling of "and"? And there may be too many "non"s in that sentence.I still don't know what to "drive adoption" means.
Ubisoft is linked twice in the infobox. Once is enough.Infobox: First release Myst / 1993 - Putting the year in parenthesis makes more sense to me.
- Story
ten thousand years ago - shouldn't it be 10,000?What is a "surface dweller"?Soon after D'ni - needs a comma before D'ni.realMyst in the image caption doesn't link to its intended section.their father's Ages trap - This sounds better: "their father's Ages they trap"the brothers strand him in D'ni before they themselves - Is D'ni a location? It's not mentioned earlier, so I was a little confused.Atrus' daughter Yeesha - "Atrus' daughter" is unnecessary as it's mentioned earlier.The Prince (talk) 12:41, 28 November 2008 (UTC)
- Games
Sony PlayStation redirects to PlayStationThere is another Sony PlayStation link in the article.
Myst (video game) redirects to Myst3DO should be linked to 3DO Interactive MultiplayerIn Myst players - Needs a comma before "players"Uru: Ages Beyond Myst#Multiplayer doesn't link to its intended section. I would also decapitalise "Multiplayer".Uru was to ship with a Massively multiplayer online portion, Uru Live - I would change that to: "Uru was to ship with a massively multiplayer online portion, Uru Live". I would also link to Myst Online: Uru Live"Massively" needs to be decapitalised. Also, I believe there is a main article for Myst Online: Uru Live.
I would link prerendered with pre-rendering
- I have done all of the above: in re. to Myst / 1993, that's just the template output; i can see about bringing it up on the talk page. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 15:48, 29 November 2008 (UTC)
- Development
I would link to the Miller brothers in the first sentence.J.R.R. Tolkien redirects to J. R. R. Tolkien and Robert Heinlein to Robert A. HeinleinThe two brothers formed - "Brothers" is used a little too often, IMO. Here, I would change it to "they".videogame -> video gameComma before and after Dunnyhut.With Miller stating - Rand or Robyn?developing a sequel to several development companies who developed - overuse of the word "develop"rendered in real time - you've previously written real time as realtime. Only one form should be used.Actor's faces - put "The" before "actors"D'ni. D'ni - sounds a little awkward(pronounced [dəˈni:]) - why does this appear so late? D'ni has been mentioned several times before. I suggest putting it after D'ni the first time it's mentioned.D'ni links to this article. Might as well remove it.Myst franchise. - link is unnecessary here. Also, put Myst in italics.
- Music
and so Robyn Miller - change to: and as such Robyn MillerRobyn Miller would also produce the music for Riven - change to "He" as he is mentioned in the sentence before.Jack Wall should link to Jack Wall (composer)created the music, creating - overuse of the word "creating"
- Adaptations
three book, US$1 million book deal - hyphenate three-book. I also don't think the second "book" is necessary.entitled Myst: The Book of Black Ships - you've already used the word "entitled" twice. Change to "called".September 3, 1997 - this can be unlinked.Columbia TriStar redirects to Columbia PicturesSci Fi Channel - 15 channels are called thisThe developers entered into talks with McIntire and Vanderbosch, and gave the filmmakers permission to begin production. - Firstly, what does it mean to "enter into talks"? Secondly, I think you can simply say: "and gave them permission to begin production".The Prince (talk) 20:48, 29 November 2008 (UTC)Second point not addressed.
- Reception
6 million units - 6 should be written in letters12 million copies - Same as above.1UP -> 1UP.comFans consider Myst - italicise Myst.Salon (magazine) redirects to Salon.comwhile authors heralded - Who?The authors should be linked as they have their own articles.
'antiquated' - shouldn't it be in "" quotes?violence, dying, failure - is there an "and" missing?
- References
Apple Inc redirects to Apple Inc.One more.
Spokesman Review redirects to The Spokesman-Review1UP should be written out as 1UP.comGamesindustry.biz doesn't have its own article, so I suggest removing that linkWired Magazine redirects to Wired (magazine).MOV - Is this link really necessary?Quicktime -> QuickTime
CD-ROM - same as aboveSalon (magazine) redirects to Salon.comGame Developer -> Game Developer (magazine)The Denver Post - should be in italicsI don't think the year in the RPGFan ref is necessary.- Sci Fi Channel, same as 5th point in "Adaptations"
The Escapist - should be in italics.New York Times redirects to The New York TimesBusiness Week redirects to BusinessWeek
- External links
Ubisoft website for the Myst franchise - Italicise MystIs there any reason why there are 2 spaces between the external links and the template?
I have now finished my review of the article. Once the comments have been addressed, I'll take another look at the article. The Prince (talk) 21:28, 29 November 2008 (UTC)
- I think that's it. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs (talk) 23:46, 29 November 2008 (UTC)
- All my concerns have been addressed, so I'm passing the article. Great work. The Prince (talk) 00:03, 30 November 2008 (UTC)