Talk:Naruto Uzumaki/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Redtigerxyz (talk · contribs) 08:25, 3 December 2011 (UTC)

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	"... causing it to resemble it as time goes on"??? ambiguous it ".. he is able to maintain his human form while using it." No clear mention that he changes forms from human to fox or vice versa. Confusing "... leaving Naruto without a family" what about his mother???? Confused Konoha/Konohagakure: stick to one spelling "... more chakra in the form of tails appears" Confused??? "... the soul of his mother Kushina Uzumaki that has been within the seal." Shouldn't the mother be named when birth is mentioned? The article does not say what Part II is, where referred first time in " Naruto become a central conflict in Part II" No mention that they are manga. "...utterly unquestionable whether or not" questionable??? "Throughout the beginning of the English dub version ..." From the beginning of the series/throughout the series?? "She noted difficulties in voicing the character for the first [time] after " Missing word "Takeuchi met [with] hardships" missing word and extra s
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.
2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).	Ref 39 is dead. Replace
	2c. it contains no original research.	added
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.	There is no clear boundary where Part I ends and Part II starts in Appearances. What about the anime appearances? Are they covered too? Not clear. "Description" is too abstract. May be you have a full-fledged section on "appearance". Describe his hair, costume (blue patches etc.), the head band (symbol on it), eye colour, shoes etc. How it changes from Part I to II, anime, video games. Naruto seems to use multiple fighting techniques. A detailed section on it is needed. [1] "various stages of the demon fox's manifestation" : explain Naruto's non-human manifestations See Barbara Gordon for a good layout. Reorganize sections as "Appearance" (physical appearance), "Personality", "Life", "Abilities and fighting techniques", "Conception", "Reception".
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.	Infobox image needs a caption stating stating if it is from Part I or II. Add description on image page in fair use rationale.
	7. Overall assessment.	The articles needs a through copyedit and more clarity in the life summary. Also give more context to explain jargon like chakra. Include more manga as well as anime, video games related information, as suggested in 3a.

This is not a fansite. There's no need to add section of about all his abilties or personality traits, or it will be wp:fancruft. Part II is actually from the same manga, while anime appearances are actually the same as the manga.Tintor2 (talk) 19:48, 3 December 2011 (UTC)

Characters like Sherlock Holmes, James Bond (character), FA Batman also have these sections. Besides a copyedit, the article also needs to clarify the sources: Part I, Part II in the article text: are you referring manga/anime etc. You are free to ask for reassessment. All the best. --Redtigerxyz ^Talk 03:30, 4 December 2011 (UTC)

The series' primary media is the manga, that's why all sources are from the manga volumes, while the anime adapts them.

So you say that adding in-universe information will make the article better? I still don't see how would adding details like "Naruto makes all his clones launch each other in one attack, or that the Rasengan can only be made with Naruto's clones" be important to the general reader. If I were to follow other stuff, how GAs Samus Aran, Lara Croft and Cloud Strife avoid using these types of subsections. You also pointed few sentences that I was going to try fixing, but did the nomination automatically fail due to the lack of in-universe sections?Tintor2 (talk) 03:29, 4 December 2011 (UTC)

The sections are not the only reason of a fail. The language and inadequate clarity of jargon like Part II, chakra is also a major reason of fail. Thus, it needed a rewrite in this aspect too. If you think that the article can be a GA as it is. Please approach GA reassessment. Thanks.--Redtigerxyz ^Talk 03:38, 4 December 2011 (UTC)

That was what I was going to do as you noted in the issues, but you still claim that the article needs to follow Wikia standards with new sections, which I fail understand why having wp:plot and wp:fancruft in mind.Tintor2 (talk) 03:39, 4 December 2011 (UTC)

Prose

All the points in section 1a have been addressed, except for the following (quotes taken from this version):

• "Kishimoto is glad that his character has blond hair and blue eyes; it has become so common worldwide ever since Naruto's debut that it is utterly unquestionable whether or not the main protagonist is purely Japanese due to his appearance, therefore Naruto, along with the immense popularity it has gained, comes naturally to the readers and international audiences with blond hair and blue eyes."

I would have tried to re-cast the sentence, but I wasn't sure what it was getting at. Something to do with cross-cultural appeal, or diversity? Or merely that it's too late now to give Naruto brown eyes and black hair, even if Kishimoto wanted to? Anyway, the first clause is not cited—I was tempted to just delete the whole thing.

He refers to Naruto's popularity across international readers and the questioning whether or not he was Japanese considering his hair and eyes.

• "Throughout the beginning of the English dub version ..." From the beginning of the series/throughout the series??

Replaced with "Throughout the beginning of the English dub version".

Someone who has seen the series will have to address this.

• The article does not say what Part II is, where referred first time in " Naruto become a central conflict in Part II" No mention that they are manga.

I'm with Redtigerxyz on this. I had to infer the distinction between Part I and Part II based on context clues. I think this should be spelled out unambiguously in the lead, along with what TV shows and movies he has appeared in, and how they are related to each other. Just a couple sentences would really clear things up, but I think someone with more Naruto knowledge should do it.

Added to the lead.

It seems reasonably clear and concise to me, but I've read the article a bunch of times now. Someone else may want to give it a quick speed read just to make sure I'm not imagining it. Cheers. Braincricket (talk) 09:04, 18 December 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for the notes and copyedits.Tintor2 (talk) 13:38, 18 December 2011 (UTC)