Talk:Newton Willard Utley/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: PCN02WPS (talk · contribs) 19:57, 15 March 2024 (UTC)

Happy to review this. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 19:57, 15 March 2024 (UTC)

@PCN02WPS, I believe I've fixed your concerns. If there is anything else need attention, please tell me. 🐱FatCat96🐱 Chat with Cat 01:26, 18 March 2024 (UTC)

Lead and infobox

• "Eddyville Cemetery" should both be capitalized if that's the name of the cemetery
• spouse and marriage year should use {{Marriage}}
• could use the status parameter to designate "Acting" rather than having it with the rest of the title, if you like
• "acting lieutenant governor" should all be lowercase in lead
• lots of "he served" in the start of the lead, gets a little repetitive
• "president" should be lowercase
• "Utley died in 1929" seems a little out of place since nothing other than missionary work and political posts are mentioned in the lead; plus, the exact date of his death is also given in the first sentence

Early life and education

• "farmer's" should not be possessive
• "schoolhouse, and later worked" - remove unneeded comma
• "Nashville, Tennessee" should have a comma after it per MOS:GEOCOMMA

Career

• "in Kobe, Japan" is redundant after starting the sentence with "While in Japan"
• "He would continue to live in Japan, until, Utley's health began to fail, " - remove both commas around "until" and change "Utley's" to "his" since that's how you refer to him at the start of the sentence
• "In 1893, he returned to Japan, traveling across Southern Japan" - repetitive
• Could you find any specifics as to what happened that caused his health to fail?
• "and he returned to Kentucky. After returning from Japan, Utley moved to Eddyville, Kentucky" - repetitive
• "Law Practice" does not need caps
• "which he served as vice-president of for several years" - don't think this is technically grammatically incorrect but it sounds awkward - is there a better way to word this?
• If "Citizens Bank" was the name of the bank, it should be capitalized
• Did he become a banker after returning to Kentucky? Was he interested or involved in this beforehand?

Political career

• Link Democratic
• remove comma after "November 1899"
• remove comma after "Goebel"
• I very may well have missed it, but where does "civil war" come up in FN 1?
• since "one of the most influential members" is verbatim from the source (and since "he was said" can be a little dodgy sometimes), might be best to quote and attribute this
• lowercase "Acting Lieutenant Governor"
• was he ex officio acting lt. gov. by virtue of being pres pro tem? Is this a line of succession sort of issue?

Later life and death

• "his health would continue to decline" - "his health continued to decline" (WP:WOULDCHUCK - not a rule but an essay I strongly agree with)
• "Eddyville cemetery in Eddyville" - "cemetery" should have caps

Second read-through

Just a few more things I caught on my second pass:

• "he was a missionary in Japan, and helped" → comma is unneeded here
• "The Utley's were farmers" → "Utleys" doesn't need an apostrophe here since it's not possessive; could also go with "Utley family" if "Utleys" is too clunky for you
• "He married Sarah S. Childers on July 9, 1890, the couple" → should have either a semicolon after "1890" or a full stop and a new sentence beginning with "The couple..."
• "He would continue to live in Japan" → simplify to "He lived in Japan"
• "appointed by his peers to president pro tempore" → missing word

PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 15:06, 18 March 2024 (UTC)

@PCN02WPS, I believe I've addressed these. 🐱FatCat96🐱 Chat with Cat 20:31, 18 March 2024 (UTC)

Awesome - spot checks look good so I'm happy to give this a pass! PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 20:43, 18 March 2024 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.