Talk:No More Mr. Nice Guy (House)/GA1

GA Review

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1. The first two sentences start with "No More Mr. Nice Guy". Some variation would help.
2. "The episode revolves around, Dr. House (Hugh Laurie), noticing a man named Jeff (Paul Rae), in the ER, who he thinks is "too nice"." - commalicious...but most aren't necessary: "The episode revolves around Dr. House (Hugh Laurie) noticing a man named Jeff (Paul Rae) in the ER, who he thinks is "too nice".
3. "what's wrong" -> "what is wrong"
4. ER should be spelled out in full, at least the first time: "Emergency Room (ER)"
5. The episode gained mixed reviews from critics, Mary McNamara of the L.A. Times, stated that the episode was "The worst House episode ever". - two sentences are joined with a comma, and there is no need for the comma after "Times". In addition, the name of the newspaper should be spelled out in full.
6. While Gina Dinunno of TV Guide commented that she thought the episode was pretty good. - this is an incomplete sentence
7. "House finds Jeff's extreme niceness and inability to get angry a major symptom of an underlying condition" - I would imagine that at this point, he would "suspect", not "find" the niceness to be a symptom.
8. "When Kutner questions the couple" - three things: referring to him just by his last name is too informal, the actors real name should be in parentheses, and he "asks" the couple ("questions" doesn't fit in grammatically with the words that follow it)
9. "which could lead to syphilis, Deb denies it, stating that it is just the way her husband behaves, and it is impossible for her to not love him" - two sentences joined with commas
10. "Jeff, the husband of one of the nurses, Deb, collapses" - the way "Deb" is included in this sentence is awkward
11. "At the same time, House is annoyed he isn't getting enough time with his friend Wilson, and attempts to negotiate with Wilson's girlfriend Amber the conditions they can have Wilson's company." - I had to read this sentence a few times before I understood it. A few things: "House is annoyed because he is not getting..."; "and he attempts to..."; the rest of the sentence just needs to be rephrased; the actor's real names should be in parentheses; referring to the characters by their lasts names is too informal.
12. "They are at a standstill, thus House seeks Cuddy's resolution, however, she will only lay out the conditions if House does his team's performance reviews, knowing that he hates doing paperwork." - confusing run-on sentence
13. "House summarily has Foreman do the team reviews, instead." - "summarily" isn't needed; the name of the actor who plays Foreman should be included; Foreman should not be referred to by last name alone.

I'm going to stop there and request that the article be copyedited before the review proceeds. I recommend finding an editor who has not worked on the article, so that a set of fresh eyes will have an objective first look.

A quick glance over the rest shows:

1. "The nurse-strike in the episode was a pun" - it is not a "pun"; please look up the definiton of "pun"
2. The quotation from the Chicago Tribune doesn't need to be offset, and the prose should mention/discuss the review rather than just giving a quotation.
3. "tuesday and wednesday" - capitalize days
4. The "worst House episode ever" quotation is repeated. I recommend not using the quotation in the lead, but summarize or paraphrase it.
5. The article mentions an Emmy nomination, but the Emmy nominations article doesn't show anything from House being nominated.
6. When more than one reference is used in the same place, they should be in numerical order ([3][4], not [4][3]).
7. I don't believe that the picture of Wilson meets the Fair Use requirements, as the article does not comment on his appearance specifically. A copyrighted picture can't be used just for visual identification.
8. I believe that the infobox picture needs to be re-uploaded at a smaller size in order to meet the Fair Use requirements (see Template:Non-free image data)
9. "the episode was pretty good" - "pretty good" isn't encyclopedic prose

This is not a comprehensive list, but it should give a good idea of what the problems are. I will place it on hold to allow for copyediting and for these concerns to be addressed and/or discussed. Any questions or concerns can be left here, as I have placed this page on my watchlist. Best wishes, GaryColemanFan (talk) 05:50, 15 October 2008 (UTC)

Comment

Hi, I've taken care off pretty much everything you asked above, I'll contact a Copy-Editor A.S.A.P. and I'll make the image smaller when I find some spare time. One note though, I don't get what you mean with the sentence "thought the episode was "pretty good"" being incomplete.

Thank you for your review.--Music26/11 19:37, 15 October 2008 (UTC)

It's not incomplete, but it is weak writing. "Pretty" isn't the best choice of adjectives. GaryColemanFan (talk) 22:35, 15 October 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for your reply and for your work on the article. To be honest, the copyediting helped, but quite a few grammatical issues were left. I went through the article and did a quick copyedit. I also noticed that one of the references was going to expire soon, so I created a permanent archive of the page through Webcite and included it in the citation. I believe that the article meets the six GA criteria. If you have any questions or comments about this review, please get in touch. If you feel that I have overstepped my boundaries as a reviewer, please feel free to ask for a second opinion on this review at WT:GAN (please note that GA reviewers are encouraged to fix minor problems, but some editors prefer reviewers to list concerns rather than addressing them directly).

With all that said, congratulations! I appreciate your hard work on this article, and I hope the results are satisfying. Best wishes, GaryColemanFan (talk) 05:56, 20 October 2008 (UTC)