Talk:OSI (band)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: CrowzRSA 03:58, 16 October 2010 (UTC)

Comments

• Generally speaking, the band's official members should be listed in the lead, before the fact that a number of guest musicians appear on their albums. CrowzRSA 01:33, 18 October 2010 (UTC)
• There are a bunch deadlinks that need to be fixed and replaced before I can pass this. See [1] for all the bad links. CrowzRSA 01:33, 18 October 2010 (UTC)
• ...while his bandmates took time off before working on their next album, if band members take time off, isn't that just a hiatus? Consider rewording. CrowzRSA 01:33, 18 October 2010 (UTC)
• There is some consistency issues: (Chroma Key, ex-Dream Theater) and ...Sean Malone (of Cynic and Gordian Knot) should be more like the earlier sentence then-Dream Theater drummer Mike Portnoy. CrowzRSA 01:33, 18 October 2010 (UTC)
• ...add keyboard parts to the music he had written reads poorly. I suggest something like contribute by adding keyboard arrangment. or something. CrowzRSA 01:33, 18 October 2010 (UTC)
• ...but Matheos wanted to take the music in a different direction to Gildenlöw. reads poorly. Consider rewording. CrowzRSA 00:44, 21 October 2010 (UTC)
• The album was critically well-received: critics praised the members' musicianship and the fact that the album differed significantly from the members' other projects The colon goes against grammar. CrowzRSA 21:50, 23 October 2010 (UTC)
• Before recording the album, the last time Moore and Portnoy had worked together was in Dream Theater in 1994 This should be reworded. I consider something like: The album's recording sessions were the first time Moore and Pornoy collaborated since 1994 in their work in Dream Theater. CrowzRSA 21:50, 23 October 2010 (UTC)
• Portnoy stated in 2009 poor English, reword to In 2009, Pornoy stated... CrowzRSA 21:50, 23 October 2010 (UTC)
• Office of Strategic Influence was originally intended to be a one-off album. What is an 'one-off album'? I think this is a Weasel word. CrowzRSA 21:50, 23 October 2010 (UTC)
• Matheos and Moore never planned to make a second OSI album poor English. CrowzRSA 21:50, 23 October 2010 (UTC)
• In 2005, they both had holes in their schedules, so decided to produce a follow-up album. Two things: holes is a Weasel word and they should be inserted between so and decided. CrowzRSA 21:50, 23 October 2010 (UTC)
• Matheos and Moore that he did not want to drum on the album did not want to drum; fix to did not want to perform drums CrowzRSA 21:50, 23 October 2010 (UTC)
• to generally positive critical reception. Poor English, to receive generally CrowzRSA 21:50, 23 October 2010 (UTC)
• anticipated that OSI will "remain a studio band". Period should go inside quotes. CrowzRSA 21:50, 23 October 2010 (UTC)
• Progressive metal should be linked. CrowzRSA 21:50, 23 October 2010 (UTC)
• Progressive rock is overlinked CrowzRSA 21:50, 23 October 2010 (UTC)
• Minimal techno, experimental electronic I may be out of context, but shouldn't there be a comma between experimental and electronic. CrowzRSA 21:50, 23 October 2010 (UTC)

I'm going to put this article on hold for a month. If fixes aren't made on time, I will fail the article. Good luck. CrowzRSA 21:50, 23 October 2010 (UTC)

I believe I have addressed all of the above points - let me know if anything else needs tweaking! Una Laguna^Talk 16:39, 31 October 2010 (UTC)