Talk:Obernewtyn (novel)/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: Yllosubmarine (talk · contribs) 14:42, 15 November 2011 (UTC)

Hello! I've volunteered to review this article for GAC. I will post my comments within the next day or two, so thanks in advance for your patience. I see this is the article's second nom, so hopefully it won't take much to get it promoted! While you're waiting, perhaps you'd like to help reduce the backlog? María (yllosubmarine) 14:42, 15 November 2011 (UTC)

As I said above, since this is the article's second nomination at GAC, I believe the article is in fairly good shape. I've read the previous review, and it seems that the previous issues have been addressed. I have some minor comments/suggestions to improve the article even further so that it really shines as a GA. First, here is how it stands against the criteria:

1. Well-written: Only minor suggestions, see below.
2. Factually accurate and verifiable: Yes.
3. Broad in its coverage: Yes.
4. Neutral: Yes.
5. Stable: Yes.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by images: Yes, but see suggestion below.

Image

• The caption reads: "Current modern cover". Because this can become outdated at any time, it's best practice to list the publication details of a specific book cover. According to this site, the image is Penguin Aus.'s 1993 cover; is that correct?

Lead

• I made a couple minor edits here (overlinking, unnecessary quotes and punc. fix for ref tag). Everything else looks good.

Composition

• Isobelle Carmody began writing the book when she was fourteen. -- The lead states this as well, but the reader has to click on Carmody's article in order to put this fact into context, and even then some mental calculation has to be done to discover how long it took between writing and publication. My point is, can a time frame be given? 1977-1985 or whatever the date-range happens to be?
• The quote box ("I dream of those other worlds and places where life is enchantingly complicated...") is such a great addition, but on my screen it's kind of squished underneath the infobox. What do you think about moving it to the plot section, or "Voice and setting"?
• I did some copy-editing here, mainly to remove redundancies in wording. Make sure to check my work and make sure I didn't inadvertently change the meaning!

Synopsis

• Is it "Misfits" or "misfits"? The lead uses the former, whereas the "Context" sub-section uses the latter.
• The resulting large group of orphans is placed in orphan homes and used for manual labour. -- Are they really called "orphan homes"? If so, let's fix the redundancy: large group of children?
• The plot may still be a little overly detailed, though it's not as long as it was during the first GA review. I got a little caught up in the details here and there, and there is some repetition that you may want to comb through. For example, it's noted that "the Herders torture anyone with significant ability", but this fact is already mentioned in "Context". Some extra details may also be unnecessary, such as some of this long sentence: "Elspeth returns a second time to the Doctor’s office, but when Vega, Alexi and Ariel enter, she learns, whilst hiding, Ariel is part of the Obernewtyn family, and that they are searching for a Misfit to help them find the location of Beforetime weapons." There are a few instances throughout the plot that can maybe be cut, but I don't want to do so myself since I haven't read the book.

Reception

• Be careful with paraphrasing. Comparing this section to some of the sources, I see at least one example that needs to be reworded so close paraphrasing isn't misconstrued as plagiarism:
  • Article: "He cited the breadth of vision rich in detail..." Source: "Through the breadth of her vision..."
• These sections are always difficult to write, I know. Be careful to keep the tense consistent, however; in one sentence a review is described in past-tense (so and so said), and the next sentence another review is in present (so and so believes). Just make it more consistent throughout.

References

• Even if an article/website's title is displayed in ALL CAPS, make sure to remove said caps from citations. The cite title for "TALES CAST A SPELL..." is currently all in caps.

I think that about covers it. Here's the diff for all of the minor changes I made; like I said, I didn't mess with the plot details, so you may consider trimming here and there for readability. I'll put the article on hold to give you time to consider my suggestions. If you have any questions, just let me know! María (yllosubmarine) 14:58, 16 November 2011 (UTC)

Response

Thanks so much for your review. I believe I have now made all the appropriate changes. --Limolover ^talk 04:57, 22 November 2011 (UTC)

Looks good to me! I changed the new (much improved) image caption to lowercase per the MOS, but otherwise very good job. I believe the article now fulfills the GA criteria, so I'm going to promote it. Great work! María (yllosubmarine) 13:34, 22 November 2011 (UTC)