Talk:On Your Radar/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: DecrepitlyOnward (talk · contribs) 04:32, 2 January 2022 (UTC)
I should finish reviewing this within the next three days. I do note that the nominator has not made significant contributions to the article and should be prepared to do so. DecrepitlyOnward (talk) 04:32, 2 January 2022 (UTC)
This is the initial list--this article just needs a heavy dose of copyediting
- It is reasonably well written.
- It is factually accurate and verifiable.
- a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
- a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
- It is broad in its coverage.
- a (major aspects): b (focused):
- a (major aspects): b (focused):
- It follows the neutral point of view policy.
- Fair representation without bias:
- Fair representation without bias:
- It is stable.
- No edit wars, etc.:
- No edit wars, etc.:
- It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
- a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- Overall:
- Pass/Fail:
- Pass/Fail:
DecrepitlyOnward (talk) 06:25, 2 January 2022 (UTC)
Background and development
editFirst para
- "After the band released their EP Headlines in 2010, they announced that it would build or "act as a bridge" between their 2009 album, Wordshaker and the upcoming album (2011)."
- This sentence can be abridged and more specific: something more like "The Saturdays' EP Headlines served as a bridge between their 2009 album Wordshaker and their then-upcoming album."
- "When the band began recording the album, they announced they would start taking risks in their music. Mollie King announced that their new sound is "dance floor" music."
- Again this sentence can be chopped, and "announced" is redundant; something more like "The band desired to take risks and Mollie King declared their new sound as "dance floor music" during the recording process." Also you need to state exactly who Mollie King is.
- "Una Healy also said Dance music is massive at the moment so it's a dance track, but it also has something unique behind it. [Notorious] Got this drop-out chorus where it's just the beat and you can only hear our voices – there aren't many tracks like that, so it's a bit different.""
- Again, state who Una Healy is. Dance music should not be capitalized. Also, this is talking about the track "Notorious," so it reads a bit awkward
- "Where in an interview with Vanessa White she said their new music would be a lot "sexier" and "definitely a different sound" while also saying their sound is more R&B. She also stated that the music is a lot sexier and more exciting than it used to be."
- The second sentence is redundant, and so is the quote that follows this--the quote can be removed, though you can take a second look
- "White also said that the band have "grown as artists" since their first album Chasing Lights (2008)."
- If this is from the same interview, it needs a citation at the end
Second para
- "While the band were on The Headlines Tour in February 2011, Rochelle Humes confirmed that the band would be working with record producer Labrinth in the hope that he would write and produce a smash hit as he did with Tinie Tempah."
- This sentence could be reduced a bit: "Rochelle Humes, during the Headlines tour in February 2011, confirmed that the band..." Also, "write and produce a smash hit" seems inappropriate--would something more like "the band choose him because of his work with Tinie Tempah" or "his successful work with Tinie Tempah" be better?
- "They later confirmed to be working with Alphabeat."
- This is redundant and awkward--I'd prefer "The band also chose to work with Alphabeat"
- "Taio Cruz was confirmed to be having an involvement within the album including writing and producing for the band."
- The use of confirmed is still redundant, and could be rephrased--it can be combined with the previous sentence
- "Space Cowboy, who co-produced Lady Gaga's smash hits "Just Dance" and "Poker Face", was confirmed to be working on the upcoming album."
- Again, the use of the phrase "smash hits" is inappropriate, and the use of "confirmed" is redundant.
- "On Twitter it was confirmed that Carl Falk and Rami Yacoubhad had been working in the studio with the band and recorded a song titled "White Lies"."
- Not "a song," it's "the album track." Redundant use of "confirmed."
- "After it was posted [Falk and Yacoub posted on Twitter to Mollie King] "Looking forward to record my song White Lies with u guys tomorrow!" which the pair have been confirmed to have produced."
- I'm assuming this is referring to the aforementioned tweet, which makes this sentence redundant as the tweet was already discussed.
- "Digital Spy confirmed that the band were working with Xenomania's Brian Higgins."
- Again, "confirmed." You could use "reported that".
- "The band also revealed that they have been writing their own tracks for the album. "We've been in the studio writing loads, but we're also going to go somewhere quite remote for a week and just work on loads of songs together"."
- What is notable about the first sentence? Also, the quote should be paraphrased.
- "The band also revealed that they have "writing boot camp days" where the band go and write lyrics for the full day. As of May 2011, the band have written eight of the songs recorded."
- This should be rewritten. For the last two bullet points, for example: "The band had written songs in studio and remote environments, and sometimes spent entire days writing lyrics." Also, the mention about May 2011 should be "the band had written eight songs by..." not how it currently is.
- "They stressed that they wanted to record as many songs as they could to make sure they give the album the best chance of becoming a hit and making it the best album to-date."
- "A hit," again, is inappropriate. This should be rephrased.
- "It was also revealed by Example himself that he turned down the opportunity to record a collaboration with the band. He stated, "if he does not know them, he will not record with them; it's nothing personal."
- This should not be included here; rather, this should be include along with the information about the personnel.
- "The album will be released in Germany on the same day as the United Kingdom."
- This is an unnecessary sentence and should be updated; if it is updated, it should be included in the "Release" section.
- You might need to rewrite this paragraph to include all of the personnel they worked with in fewer sentences. Also, what were the roles of these personnel? The roles need to be described. — Preceding unsigned comment added by DecrepitlyOnward (talk • contribs) 05:35, 2 January 2022 (UTC)
Third para
- "After the release of "Notorious" the band released a clothing line with high street store Miss Selfridge. The t-shirts feature lyrics from the band's songs "Notorious" and "Higher". The t-shirts were designed by the band themselves."
- These aren't just the band's songs, these are songs on the album. The last 2 sentences can be combined. Also, is this the appropriate section for these sentences?
- "Chipmunk was later revealed to be working with the band on the album. It was confirmed that he would feature on the official remix version "Notorious", the band's first single from the album. It was revealed that the band had begun working with Miranda Cooper, who has previously worked with Kylie Minogue, and Tinie Tempah producer MNEK. and Tracklacers."
- These have already been mentioned in previous paragraphs and this might need to be rewritten along with the second paragraph to ensure a correct flow.
- "The band revealed that a lot of the songs are about love, taking inspiration from their boyfriends, David Gandy [King], Wayne Bridge[Sandford], Marvin Humes [Humes] and Ben Foden [Healy]."
- Is the mention of the bandmates's boyfriends really necessary? Also, the band didn't "reveal" this, they stated this.
- "White, the only single member of the band, said "All Fired Up" is definitely the dancingest song we've ever made and it's the danciest track on the album too but there are lots of different styles on the album. We understand that dance music is very big at the moment and when you're a pop act you can venture into different genres."
- Part of this seems like it should be in quotes. White being the only single member of the band doesn't seem significant. Also, the influence of dance music has already been discussed, and these redundant sentences should be merged with the previous mention of the influence of dance music. This can be paraphrased.
- "She also said in September 2011 that they had "Pretty much finished the album, we're just adding the finishing touches to it now really I think. It's really exciting for us because we've actually written half of this album ourselves and we’re so excited to be selecting the songs that have made it onto the album."
- This can also be paraphrased, and the quote is unnecessary: just at least straight up say that the band had pretty much finished finished the album in September 2011.
- "The band revealed plans to release On Your Radar in Europe but with the caveat that they would not be able to promote it until after their tour in 2012."
- I'm genuinely not sure if this belongs here or in the release section, but the following sentences definitely don't belong in this section. The sentences after this one might need to be deleted--I don't think that they fit anywhere in this article. If they do, a citation is needed at the last sentence, which would be this one:
- "After Una Healy announced her pregnancy, fans thought that On Your Radar would be the last album from the band. However they stated they would not split and Healy still had full commitment to the band."
- I'm genuinely not sure if this belongs here or in the release section, but the following sentences definitely don't belong in this section. The sentences after this one might need to be deleted--I don't think that they fit anywhere in this article. If they do, a citation is needed at the last sentence, which would be this one:
Overall, the first section contains paragraphs that are far too long and have bad flow, and it needs to be rewritten. Saving now DecrepitlyOnward (talk) 06:06, 2 January 2022 (UTC)
Artwork and titling
edit- "The band spoke in an interview with Capital FM about the new album's artwork. The band stated "We can't tell you [the name] yet, but we just made the final approval of our album cover. You won't know what to expect because its so different. We are all naked for a start!" The band confessed that they decided upon going naked for the album cover due to feeling exposed as, having written the majority of the album themselves, it will be a lot more personal than the previous three albums."
- This is a very interesting detail about the artwork that should be included. But the quote should be paraphrased, and the third sentence should be rephrased to more directly say why they chose to be naked for the album cover; the first two sentences can be combined.
- "The album cover features the band from shoulders up, with a white and grey background."
- This can be combined with a previous sentence, and the ", with" part can be replaced with "against"
- "The band's logo is designed by Zip, which is featured on the album cover's image above the band."
- Who is Zip, a design studio or a person? Use "and" instead of "which"
- This is a far more easier paragraph to fix. I think this a good time to note that I'm not all too familiar with British English, but (hopefully) I don't think I've written anything incorrectly.
- Who is Zip, a design studio or a person? Use "and" instead of "which"
Composition and recording
editFirst para
- "The album's lead single, "Notorious" is produced by Steve Mac has been described as "Black Eyed Peas-esque" saying their new music sounds like something The Black Eyed Peas or Rihanna would release."
- This needs copyediting, something more like "The album's lead single "Notorious" was produced by Steve Mac. It has been described as sounding similar to The Black Eyed Peas and Rihanna."
- "and the song is often labelled "it’s a very cool" by the band."
- This phrase is unnecessary.
- Wonderland magazine asked the band to describe their new music in five words. They responded with "current", "fun", "naughty", "girly" and "dancy"
- These sentences are unnecessary.
- When Wonderland questioned the band asking if the whole album would be like "Notorious". Vanessa White said that the album was a work in progress.
- This should be more like, "Vanessa White, however, stated that the whole album would not be like the lead single."
- She said they want a massive bunch of songs to pick from and they'll get the best ones from that.
- This can be rewritten: "The band was picking their best songs from a large list"
- Where Una Healy stated, "I think every artist needs to, sort of, reinvent themselves and we don’t want any track to sound like it could have been on our previous albums. It’s going to be a step up from the last album but we’ll keep it The Saturdays-esque."
- This can be rewritten and included in the previous sentence: "and Una Healy of the band considered their upcoming album a "step up from the last album but we’ll keep it The Saturdays-esque.""
- "Rochelle Humes said that "Notorious" does not influence the album's sound. She said that there are many different styles on the album, and they have records a fair few ballads. She went on to say that the new album will not have the same kind of feel to the previous albums."
- The last sentence is redundant since we already talked about how Healy called the album a departure. The sentence "She said that there are many different styles on the album, and they have records a fair few ballads" is confusing--it should be "recorded" instead of "records;" I'll try to rewrite this
- "Rochelle Humes reaffirmed that the album would not sound like "Notorious," and the album would have a diverse amount of styles including ballads.
- The last sentence is redundant since we already talked about how Healy called the album a departure. The sentence "She said that there are many different styles on the album, and they have records a fair few ballads" is confusing--it should be "recorded" instead of "records;" I'll try to rewrite this
- "They went on to say they've not thought about influencing on other artists songs as they want them to be all original."
- This sentence might be unnecessary.
- "Mollie King said that the band get into twos or threes to write lyrics, she said although the band spend a lot of time together they also still have their five separate lives and yet they have so much to talk about, which means they never run out on lyrics as there are "so many dramas" going on around them, as she said "we're five girls after all"."
- Say "groups of two or three," and say that the album was inspired by drama surrounding the individual members-this honestly all could be reduced to one short sentence
- "While in an interview with Sugarscape the band confirmed that they want the whole album to be "fresh" and have a completely different sound from their previous albums, so it does not sound like the band are releasing the same type of music."
- This sentence is unnecessary; we've already talked about this
- " They also said that the music would be "current" meaning they will release music which the public are interested in at the moment."
- Rephrase--"The band indicated that the music they would be releasing would be contemporary."
- "However, they did say there would be some type of their "original sound" on the album as they want to "make everyone welcome" on the album."
- This sentence might be unnecessary, because we have mentioned that they would have an "original sound" on their then-upcoming album.
Overall, this first paragraph needs a ton of chopping. It makes sense, since most of the composition paragraphs I've read (like Paramore) are short and sweet. This section needs to additionally include how critics described the sound of the album, which will require a bit of work. This might be written later in the article, however, so if I get to it I'll say to include it in this section.
Second para
- It was confirmed that the band been recording at Dean Street Studios, London and Tracklacers studios in Kent.
- "The band was recording at Dean Street Studios in London and Tracklacers studios in Kent." Kent should be hyperlinked.
- " The sound of the album will have a more edgier and dancing sound from the band."
- We've already talked about this--this sentence can be removed
- "However, the band said that whey will still have their pop edge, but "this time around" they have taken the album through a bit of a more dancey route."
- We've already talked about this, but the "still have their pop edge" part might be useful to keep. This is up to you.
- " They also went on to say that they want their music to reflect on their live shows, saying they want their concerts to be like "one big giant party" making the show and their music fun for everyone."
- The part after the comma is unnecessary. This should be more like "The band recorded their music to reflect their sound live"
- " They late said that the best night you could have out was at their December tour due to their music being "bigger and better" than before."
- Unnecessary sentence
- " According to Mollie King on the band's official website the band's influences are coming from Britney Spears' dance-pop style, Adele and John Mayer's pop rock style, where taking a dancier style to Rihanna and Katy Perry's style."
- Rewrite: "According to Mollie King, the band was influenced by Britney Spears' dance-pop, Adele, and Jon Mayer's pop rock, and the dance style of Rihanna and Katy Perry." (You might want to reread the source to make the "dance style" phrase more specific)
- " The band stated their newest music is "definitely more clubbier" than their previous material. They said that the lyrics has a "lot of man-bashing" singing about how girls are better than boys, then calling themselves feisty on the album."
- Rewrite "The band also said that their album is club-influenced and the lyrics are feminist in nature."
- "They went on to say that the album sound is not a "typical girlband sound", they also said "the great thing about pop music you get to try lots of different music". The band said that the album tracks which they have recorded so far [June 2011] sounds great and different."
- Are these sentences necessary?
- "They are writing a lot at the moment as they want the album to be bigger and better."
- This should be rewritten but I'm not sure how--once the whole paragraph is rewritten, I'll leave it to your judgement if this sentence is necessary to not.
- ""All Fired Up" track was labelled as the band as a "floor filler""
- Unnecessary sentence
- "All Fired Up" was explained as think "Ibiza closing party meets Miami poolside rave – the girls continue to blow us away as their signature pop vocals are played over a synth dance beat creating this anthemic dance banger."
- Rephrase: "All Fired Up" showcased the band's shift to dance music, and was described as "Ibiza closing party meets Miami poolside rave."" Though I'm not even sure if the quote is necessary.
Overall, this section also needs a lot of rewriting, and will be far shorter afterward. Saving now DecrepitlyOnward (talk) 18:17, 2 January 2022 (UTC)
Music and Lyrics
editFirst para
- The album lead single with the track "Notorious" and the track has been compared to artists Rihanna, The Black Eyed Peas and Kelis, featuring a "drop-out chorus" where it's just the beat and you can only hear our voices – there aren't many tracks like that, so it's a bit different."
- Rewrite: "The lead single for the album, Notorious, was compared to Rihanna, The Black Eyed Peas, and Kelis. It features a chorus with only the backing beat and the band member's voices."
- "The second single from the album "All Fired Up" is a dance-pop song and has gathered comparisons to artists Lady Gaga and David Guetta."
- Rewrite: "The second single "All Fired Up" is a dance-pop song, which was compared to Lady Gaga and David Guetta."
- "The Saturdays revealed that they recorded a dance track due to the dance music being "huge at the moment"."
- We've already talked about this, so this sentence is redundant
- "Critics also wrote, "Vanessa [White] demands in a hazy and heavily synthesised fashion on the intro of 'All Fired Up'.""
- Paraphrase this--something like "The song also has a heavily synthesised intro with hazy vocals delivered by Vanessa White."
- "Their fun, girlish vibe and unabashed pop sensibility has been traded for a cookie-cutter electro-pop sound.""
- Paraphrase--something like "it diverges from previous songs by the band with its electro-pop sound," might be redundant since we already talked about dance pop
- "The album has got more dance tracks on like singles "Notorious" and "All Fired Up" but the band did stress that the whole album is not like that."
- Probably unnecessary. Also, we shouldn't mention comments that the band made pre-release as it does not belong in this section.
- "They went on to say that they've got some classic "The Saturdays's tracks" on the album, and the album will feature a few ballads which the band intended to welcome everyone on the album."
- Also probably unnecessary.
Second para
- "According to the band, the lyrics that they have written have taken big inspiration from the relationships they are in and their past relationships. Una Healy said "I dig into the past for inspiration and remember all the bad boyfriends I had and all the crap things they did to me.""
- We talked about this in the second paragraph of the composition section; that part of the composition section can be combined with these sentences. Nevertheless, this needs to be rephrased: "The band wrote lyrics based on current and past relationships that each member was in, with Una Healy stating that she took influence from "crap things" her "bad boyfriends" did.
- "Emeli Sandé said that she wrote a track for the band which was very dark and a strong ballad."
- Mention who Emeli Sandé is, and rephrase: "Emeli Sandé wrote a track for the album which was described as a dark and strong ballad."
- I forgot to put this in the composition section, but you should hyperlink the word "ballad" in that section to its Wikipedia article.
- Mention who Emeli Sandé is, and rephrase: "Emeli Sandé wrote a track for the album which was described as a dark and strong ballad."
- "She said that the lyrics are dark and very honest."
- Merge this with the previous sentence.
- "The band admitted that they had focused on a particular sound after some of their favourite artists released that type of music. Rochelle Humes said that "Someone Like You" by Adele and "She Makes Me Wanna" by JLS and Dev was a big influence in what they wanted their records to sound like."
- This is more detail. This was mentioned in the composition section--the two respective sentences should be merged.
- Comment: The composition section is supposed to include details about the composition of the album, not about the songwriting process-the same applies with the whole article. There are a ton of details about the songwriting process in this article that don't belong, so if you want you can create a section that details the songwriting process and include everything about songwriting in the entire article in that section. This is made more necessary because, at this point right now, the article reads as if it is talking about an album that hasn't been released yet.
- This is more detail. This was mentioned in the composition section--the two respective sentences should be merged.
- "They later confessed that they wished they recorded "Lick Ya Down" by Cover Drive."
- Remove this sentence as the article talks about a "song they wished was a Saturdays single."
- "The band revealed that there are lot of tearjerkers on the album."
- Rephrase or remove; if you rephrase, something like "The album also contains more emotional songs"
- "Madonna was a big inspiration for the album. Jay-Z had a lot of inspiration for the album also."
- Rephrase: "Madonna and Jay-Z were also cited as influences."
- For this paragraph, see the comment I wrote above.
- Rephrase: "Madonna and Jay-Z were also cited as influences."
Quote
The quote is unnecessary as it has been quoted numerous times above, but the fact that "Forever Is Over was pop-rock almost" can be included in a potential songwriting section.
Third para
- "Recording "The Way You Watch Me" the band heard the track which Travie McCoy sent to them."
- See sources section below. This needs to be more descriptive.
- "The band said as soon as they heard the song they fell in love with it, describing the song as "flirty", "fun" and "playful"."
- This detail is unnecessary--just say that the band instantly enjoyed the song
- Mollie King said the song is a "roadtrip" song which people would like to listen to it in a car.
- Just say King described the song as a "roadtrip" song
- "Although the band recorded the collaboration with McCoy the band didn't actually meet him."
- This should be included with the first sentence about Travie McCoy
- The lyrics of "Faster" have been labelled as "romantic" by the band but with and Uptempo dance beat track. It is a dance with a pop edge.
- Just say ""Faster" contains romantic lyrics with an uptempo dance beat, and a pop edge."
- "For Myself" is a track the band co-wrote with Viktoria Hansen, the song is about a turbulent relationship and no matter what you argue a lot.
- Rewrite: The band co-wrote "For Myself" with Viktoria Hansen, and the song is about a turbulent relationship.
- "The band said that "White Lies" linked them back to their first studio album, Chasing Lights (2008)."
- Rewrite: ""White Lies" links the album back to the band's debut studio album Chasing Lights." There's no need to include years in album mentions.
- ""Wish I Didn't Know" is a pop ballad The background of the song is about your ex, who you still love being with someone else."
- Rewrite: ""Wish I Didn't Know" is a pop ballad that discusses feelings and persistent love [maybe awkward word choice] towards an ex." This should not be conversational
- ""My Heart Takes Over" is a "sad song" according to the band. They said that the song pulls on your heart strings."
- Rewrite: ""My Heart Takes Over" is more of an emotional song." This needs more detail but that needs to be pulled from other sources
- ""Get Ready, Get Set" was defined by the band as a "feel good uptempo song" The band wrote the song, they said when they were writing the lyrics they were trying to be "steamy" which was "embarrassing" for them."
- Rewrite: ""Get Ready, Get Set" is an uptempo song." Again this needs more detail that needs to be pulled from other sources
- "Vanessa White said when she first recorded the song "she wasn't feeling it". The song has a lot of different elements and took a long time to get it right. The song also is a Dubstep song and the band said it was the "coolest" song on the album."
- There's a lot of inappropriate wording here. I can't reword the first sentence, but it reads awkward. Reword the rest: "The song has many elements including dubstep and took a long time to get right according to the band."
- ""Last Call" is Frankie Sandford's favourite song on the album, she explained the song as a "heart melt ballad". The song was written by Charlie Holmes and Lucie Silvas. The song is about love and the band said the lyrics hit you straight away. And the song is the most personal song to everyone, the band and the songwriters."
- Reword: ""Last Call" was written by Charlie Holmes and Lucie Silvas--it was described by Sandford as a "heart melt ballad," as it discusses love. The song is their most personal song on the album, according to the band." The part about favourite song is unnecessary. Replace -- with proper em dashes (my keyboard does not have those at this time)
- ""Move on U" was written by the band themselves and they wanted the lyrics to be "Sexy" and "Flirtatious". They also said that the song is a "little rude". "Move on U" is also an uptempo track and according but it has the sing-along element to it."
- Reword: "Move on U," written by the band themselves, is an uptempo track with "flirtatious" lyrics."
- ""Promise Me" is about a boys who promises stuff, but do not stick to their promises. They defined the song as "very party"."
- Reword: ""Promise Me" is a party song that discusses men who do not stick to their promises."
- ""I Say Ok" is a Tongue-in-cheek song. The lyrics of the song are quite basic so everyone knows what the song is about. They said the song is the most pop song on the album."
- Reword: ""I Say Ok" is tongue-in-cheek and the poppiest song on the album according to the band." But even this might be inappropriate phrasing. More detailed information needs to be pulled from secondary sources.
Comment: This section needs more secondary sources, as most of the information about the music on the album is coming from YouTube videos published by the band themselves. You can pull this information from the reviews of the album.
Marketing and promotion
editI can't review a good chunk of this section because a majority of the first paragraph has insufficient citations. See the sources section below.
- " Via the band's official website, they started a competition "Reveal Your Notorious Side!" which fans would enter the competition by telling the band about your most notorious moments. Asking if you're friends classed you as the cheeky-one, the feisty one or the naughty one. The winner of the competition would get the chance to meet the band and "win some fantastic prizes"."
- Rephrase: "The band started a competition called "Reveal Your Notorious Side!" for fans. Participants would tell the band about their most "notorious" moments. The winner of the competition would get the chance to meet the band and "win some fantastic prizes.""
- "The band flew to Norway and Germany to promote their upcoming single and album."
- Which single? I'm assuming "Notorious"--say that in this sentence.
- "The Saturdays began to promote their album by appearing on talks shows including The Graham Norton Show talking about their album, singles and tour. They also featured a performance on Lorraine, to promote their single "Notorious". They appeared on morning talk and news show, Daybreak, where the band spoke about their upcoming tour and album. They performed "Notorious" on T4 and Friday Download."
- This can be cut down a ton; also, the source is talking about the promotion of "Notorious" specifically. "The Saturdays promoted On Your Radar and the single "Notorious" on The Graham Norton Show, Lorraine, Daybreak, T4, and Friday Download." It is up to you if you want to include further details--just know that the source cited doesn't.
- "The Saturdays also confirmed that they would be appearing at a number of Summer Festivals. They first appeared at theme park, Alton Towers at the Alton Towers Live Concerts, where they performed a number of their hits. Due to the band releasing their single, "Notorious" they appeared at the Live Lounge performing a cover of Aloe Blacc's hit single "I Need a Dollar"."
- Rephrase: "The band also confirmed that they would appear at a number of summer festivals, first appearing at theme park Alton Towers [during the Alton Towers Live Concerts?]. They appeared at the BBC Live Lounge, performing a cover of Aloe Blacc's hit single "I Need a Dollar".
- "They were confirmed to be appearing at T4 on the Beach for their third time. As well as appearing at Towneley Festival. During their promotional tour, the band appeared at Glamour Awards where the band won Band of the Year. It was also confirmed by the band that they would, in fact, be performing at the V Festival."
- Glamour Awards should not be italicized. Rewrite: "They appeared at T4 on the Beach for the third time, as well as Towneley Festival and V Festival. The band won Band of the Year at the Glamour Awards while touring."
- "It was later announced that the band would become ambassadors for Nintendo 3DS game, Nintendogs + Cats, which the band recorded a number of TV adverts to promote."
- "The band would later become ambassadors for Nintendo 3DS game, Nintendogs + Cats, which they promoted through TV advertising."
- "It was confirmed by Una Healy herself that she was pregnant with her first child to rugby star, Ben Foden."
- If this sentence didn't affect touring, production, or writing, then it doesn't belong in this article.
Release
editAgain a good chunk of this I can't review because additional citations are needed
- On Your Radar was released on 18 November 2011 in Australia and Ireland, while being released on 21 November 2011 in Germany and the United Kingdom.
- Rephrase: "On Your Radar was released on 18 November 2011 in Australia and Ireland and on 21 November 2011 in Germany and the United Kingdom."
Singles
edit- "The song has been described as "big" and that it was "quite amazing" and often getting comparison to music by The Black Eyed Peas, Kelis and Rihanna."
- This has already been discussed above.
- "The band flew out to Los Angeles to film the music video for "Notorious" According to the band, they took the music video influences outline from TV series, Ugly Betty."
- Reword: "The band filmed the music video for "Notorious" in Los Angeles and took inspiration for the video from American TV series Ugly Betty"
- "Although the song sold the moer copies in its first three days of release than any of their previous singles it only managed to chart at number-three on the UK Singles Chart."
- Glaring typo, and rephrase: "The song sold more copies than any of the band's previous singles and peaked at number three on the UK Singles Chart."
- "A third single was confirmed to be released before the album and would be a ballad. It was confirmed on 28 September 2011, that "My Heart Takes Over" would be the third single released from the album."
- Rephrase: ""My Heart Takes Over", a ballad, was the third single released from the album which was announced on 28 September 2011."
- "It received its first radio airplay on 29 September 2011 on The Chris Moyles Show, and a video was shot in Iceland."
- Rephrase: "A video was shot in Iceland for the single, and first received radio airplay on 29 September 2011."
- "Capital FM reported that "The Way You Watch Me" was being lined up as a fourth single, however the group moved on to a new album era with the release of a brand new song "30 Days" in May 2012, which would precede their fourth album Living for the Weekend (2013)."
- Rephrase: "Although "The Way You Watch Me" was being lined up as a fourth single, the single was never released."
Tour
editDetails about the tour belong in the marketing and promotion section, and should be rephrased along with everything in that section. It should summarize the article about the All Fired Up! tour
- "While performing on their Headlines Tour in early 2011, The Saturdays confirmed that they would in fact be touring again later in the year."
- You should clarify this, and mention the name of the later tour (which is All Fired Up! (tour)). You can utilize sources from that article, and you should use Template:Main article.
- "The band revealed the tour dates for December 2011 in June 2011 via the band's official website and originally consisted of eleven shows across the UK."
- Rephrase: "The band revealed the tour dates for December 2011 in June via their website, originally consisting of eleven shows across the UK."
- "It was later announced that the tour was to travel to Belfast and Dublin taking the total number of dates to thirteen."
- Rephrase: "Ultimately, the tour was expanded to include Belfast and Dublin, increasing the number of shows to thirteen."
- "Mollie King said that fans should expect a lot of bright colours and brightly coloured blocks for the production."
- This sentence is unnecessary
- "Una Healy said about the tour; "Well the tour is not until December but we’ve been busy auditioning dancers and we’re planning to discuss choreography in the next few weeks. We’re really busy with the album at the moment and that’s due out in November so it’s a busy time and we’re just trying to fit it all in."
- Remove this sentence or just say that the band had difficulties balancing working on the album and planning the tour.
Reception
editThis section is one of the best written in the article. The last paragraph should be rephrased:
- "A more favourable review" → More favourable reviews
- noticed → noted (might not be necessary)
- The reviewer from Newsround → Newsround
Track listing
editInclude total length of the album in the list
Credits
editUse en dashes instead of hyphens and lowercase except for proper nouns
Sources
editRef 18 links to the wrong website. Don't delete this reference; instead, just replace the link with the correct one, and make a new reference with the Capital FM link. The first sentence of the artwork and titling section is verified by the Capital FM link, while the second is verified by the entertainment wise link--you need to search for the correct entertainment wise link.
- The album lead single with the track "Notorious" and the track has been compared to artists Rihanna, The Black Eyed Peas and Kelis, featuring a "drop-out chorus" where it's just the beat and you can only hear our voices – there aren't many tracks like that, so it's a bit different."
- Ref 2 should be cited here (Digital Spy one talking about notorious, in case the order gets messed up)
Saving (officially more than halfway done!) DecrepitlyOnward (talk) 19:17, 2 January 2022 (UTC)
Note: I cannot verify the YouTube sources since I don't live in the UK and don't have a VPN at this time--I might need to get someone else involved in this process. Saving DecrepitlyOnward (talk) 20:19, 2 January 2022 (UTC)
- Upon the release of the lead single from the album, the band began to promote their single by teasing fans with "lyric teasers" revealing a lyric from the song everyday until it was released, they also began to release snipped clips of the music video for the single to large fans. They began to post comments on Twitter posting, "Who's Notorious?" or using "#imnotorious"
- This is original research, and if other sources are not found this needs to be changed or removed.
- "The band appeared on reality TV show, So You Think You Can Dance: The Results Show, where the band performed their new single to help boost the awareness of the new single and upcoming album. The group also released a clothing line with high street store Miss Selfridge, with the t-shirts featuring lyrics from "Notorious" and the group's previously released single "Higher", with the t-shirts being designed by the group themselves. It was confirmed that the band would in fact perform at the Enjoy Summer Festival 2011 in Wales."
- This is also original research, and if other sources are not found this needs to be changed or removed. The sources cited here are not sufficient.
Ref 44 needs an archival link and is bare.
Ref 22 is dead--I cannot verify or review the rest of the first paragraph of "marketing" without an archival link
This article, in general, has an overreliance on primary sources Saving, hopefully for one last time... DecrepitlyOnward (talk) 20:42, 2 January 2022 (UTC)
Citation needed tag in singles section--I can't review anything before it, though I do note that it mentions things that have been mentioned in previous sections
Ref 54 (the supanet one) is the wrong citation for the singles section, it might be the same issue with ref 18
Ref 57 is dead
The charts and certifications section needs citations for the Irish and Scottish charts.
Lead
editThe lead is too short considering the length of the article, and needs to include more details such as composition and reception.
General comments
edit@PopLizard86427, there are a bit of issues in the first couple of paragraphs I've read so far, so I've decided to ping you in case you want to start fixing the issues now. I don't think the article is quick fail quality, but it needs a bit of work. DecrepitlyOnward (talk) 05:41, 2 January 2022 (UTC)
- @DecrepitlyOnward, I finished the changes you told me to do, see the history of edits to this article.
- @PopLizard86427, be sure to sign your comments here. I finished reviewing the composition section–it needs to have more information about the general genres of the album, which you can find in sources from critical reviews. DecrepitlyOnward (talk) 18:24, 2 January 2022 (UTC)
@PopLizard, I'm inclined to fail the review. Even with all of the copyedits prescribed above, it still wouldn't be GA status as the comments about sourcing and lack of detail need to be addressed. I will continue with the review just to provide a baseline for future improvement, and once I'm done, I will fail it; if you go through everything described above, which will probably require a massive rewrite and additional sources, then you can renominate this article. DecrepitlyOnward (talk) 20:45, 2 January 2022 (UTC)
The review is finished and posted above. The article needs substantial improvements to prose and citations in order to become a GAN. For help you should definitely check out MOS:ALBUM. While that page is not an exhaustive list, it would definitely prove helpful for this article. Thank you for nominating this, though--hopefully it won't need too much elbow grease. DecrepitlyOnward (talk) 21:53, 2 January 2022 (UTC)