Talk:Osorkon IV/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Calvin999 (talk · contribs) 14:49, 1 March 2015 (UTC)

Lead

• There shouldn't be any citations in the lead. Presumably everything in the lead is sourced in the other sections too? If not, then add the information to the relevant section as well with the source.
  •  Done Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• What is Usermaatre? Can this be linked?
  •  Comment: Usermaatre is the throne name, while Osorkon is the birth name. I put it in bold and removed the hatnote. Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• easternmost of these → easternmost parts of these
  •  Done Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• thus the one most → I'm not sure "one" is needed here? It doesn't flow.
  •  Done Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)

Reign

• What do you mean by shadowy?
  •  Comment: Almost nothing is known of Pedubast II, even his dynastic placement and timeline are far from being clear. I could not find another verb to explain briefly his situation.
• There should be citations at the end of each sentence. The second paragraph of Early years is united for the first half.
  •  Done Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• advance were → advance was? or advances were?
  •  Done Advance was. Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• Nubian is first mentioned in Early years, but first linked in The Assyrian threat; it should be the other way around as the first instance should be linked.
  •  Done Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• For some reason → For reasons which remained unknown
  •  Done Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• When in 720 BCE → IN 720 BCE
  •  Done Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• this time was king Hanno → This doesn't make sense in relation to the rest of the sentence
  •  Done Tried to fix that Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• king did sent → king did send
  •  Done Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• In 716 BCE Sargon II almost reached Egypt's boundaries. → Comma after BCE
  •  Done Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• Feeling this time directly threatened, → Feeling directly threatened this time / Feeling directed threatened
  •  Done Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• Osorkon IV vanished in obscurity, and his dynasty with him. → Osorkon IV and his dynasty vanished into obscurity
  •  Done Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• king Iamani → king should be capitalised
  •  Comment:  Done Sorry about that, I didn't know this rule. I guess that "king" should be capitalised every time when followed by the royal name. If so, fixed Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• Few decades later a man called Gemenefkhonsbak, possibly a descendant of the now-defunct dynasty, claimed for himself the pharaonic royal titles and ruled in Tanis as its prince. → Any reason why this is on a separate line without a space? I'm guessing ti should be apart of the paragraph.
  •  Done I don't know, I felt like it had to be a separate thing. Fixed anyway Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)

Identification with Shilkanni and So

• I don't think there's much point including a red link to no article (Same applies in About the throne name)
  •  Done Sounds odd to me, but fixed without discussions Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• or even skeptics. → or even skeptical
  •  Done Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• I think this could be one paragraph section instead of having two, one of which is one line long.
  •  Done Replaced the blank with a br Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)

Attestations

• As shown above, → Don't think this is needed
  •  Done Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• from few → from a few
  •  Done Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)
• be rather assigned → be assigned / rather be assigned
  •  Done Khruner (talk) 19:50, 16 March 2015 (UTC)

Outcome

Thanks for your patience. Placing article on hold for 7 days. I have 2,300 articles on my watch list so ping me when needed.  — ₳aron 12:59, 14 March 2015 (UTC)

Passing. Well done, I enjoyed reading this article.  — ₳aron 20:37, 16 March 2015 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.