Talk:Our Song/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 08:46, 11 July 2010 (UTC)

Issues Part 1(Resolved)

Lead: "Swift solely composed "Our Song" for the talent show of her freshman year in high school, about a boyfriend who did not have a song with" This sentence does not made sense. Im not not what you are trying to state. (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 08:46, 11 July 2010 (UTC) The first part is trying to say that she wrote it, by herself, for her freshman year talent show. The second part is trying to say that she wrote it about a boyfriend who she didn't have a song with. Am I being clear? How might I rephrase it? -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 22:20, 11 July 2010 (UTC) Now that ive re-read it and that im awake, all it is is that its missing a word. Write as "Swift solely composed "Our Song" for the talent show of her freshman year in high school, about a boyfriend who she did not have a song with". (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 23:15, 12 July 2010 (UTC)  Done Music Video "The accompanying music video for "Our Song" was directed by Trey Fanjoy." Needs a cite or its OR.  Done "Upon listening "Our Song", Fanjoy shared her ideals for a music video with Swift. "She had this idea for a front porch performance and the a field of flowers for another performance, then a black-and-white performance shot. It all came together in her head. She was able to translate that so well onto film. It just shows what a truly great director she is", Swift informed CMT News.[2]" Rewrite to "While listening to "Our Song"[...]  Done "The video begins a shot of Swift's toenails as she paints them." Missing word with. Please phrase as "The video begins with a shot of Swift's toenails as she paints them.  Done "Swift then sits near the edge and performs" Preforms what?  Done "Swift, casually wearing by a blue tee, white hot pants, and straight hair, is revealed to be engaging in a phone conversation in a bedroom." Rewrite to state "Swift, casually wearing a blue tee, white hot pants, with straightened hair, is revealed to be engaging in a phone conversation in a bedroom. I don't think the word "with" is needed. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 22:30, 11 July 2010 (UTC) You are correct. Rewrite to say "and straightened hair. (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 23:15, 12 July 2010 (UTC)  Done "[...]before furtively approaching a front porch with a blue dress and curly hair." Write "before furtively approaching a front porch seen in a blue dress with curly hair. Again I don't think it's needed and it sounds like the dress has curly hair, the way you're saying it. LOL! Also, the "seen in" doesn't make sense to me. Look s quite a bit run-onish (let's pretend that's a word).-- ipodnano05 * leave@message 22:30, 11 July 2010 (UTC) Pretending run-onish is a real word (lol) i think seen in is needed, but with isnt needed. (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 23:15, 12 July 2010 (UTC)  Done Live Performances: "Swift opened with the concert with the song and dressed in a black, knee-length dress and red cowboy boots with a design of a scull and cross bones across it, playing an acoustic guitar.[28]" Rewrite as "Swift opened with the concert with the song and dressed in a black, knee-length dress and red cowboy boots with a design of a scull and cross bones across it, playing an acoustic guitar" (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 09:16, 11 July 2010 (UTC)  Done

Issues Part 2(Resolved)

Other: "Reference 18 uses aCharts, Please replace. WP:CHARTS says aCharts, although unlicensed, is fine to use. I think that's why there is a star next to it in the table. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 22:12, 11 July 2010 (UTC) Yes but WP:CHARTSCHART says Good and Featured class articles should not rely on unlicensed archives as convenience links, and should use official sites and licensed archives where possible. Since this link is easily replacible, i would now to avoid future conflicts. (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 23:15, 12 July 2010 (UTC) What do you suggest I replace it with? Billboard doesn't have anything for positions that low. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 04:26, 13 July 2010 (UTC) Yes it does. Use aCharts to locate the week the single entered and then use billboard. Billboard is 1-100 positioning. Accoding to chart performance it entered at 80something so billboard has it. (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 05:15, 13 July 2010 (UTC) Yea but for past weeks it only shows the top ten positions. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 05:39, 13 July 2010 (UTC) Thats fine. Still use billboard. (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 06:05, 13 July 2010 (UTC)  Done Track listing needs a citation. (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 09:16, 11 July 2010 (UTC) I don't think it does as with albums. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 22:12, 11 July 2010 (UTC) It depends on the reviewer, i would just in case because it is borderline OR. (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 23:15, 12 July 2010 (UTC) The single release has a track listing and citation number 6 has the track listing. It would be no problem adding the source, it's just that I don't thing it's needed. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 04:28, 13 July 2010 (UTC) Okay, Please add it :) (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 19:52, 13 July 2010 (UTC)  Done Dab link please fix here (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 19:44, 15 July 2010 (UTC)  Done Composition: "The lyrics are in first person. In the first verse, the protagonist realizes she and her boyfriend do not have a song of their own as he drives his car.[5][9]." Sentence structure error, when you read it on the main page you will see it. Also, "The lyrics are in first person." needs a cite, or its OR.  Done Reference number 9 quotes some lyrics that are in first person. Does that suffice? -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 22:18, 11 July 2010 (UTC) "The young couple come to using the events in their lives in place of a regular song in the song's refrains." Two issues, one i believe you mean came to using. Two the sentence doesnt make sense, not sure what you are trying to express. Since the previous sentence is in present tense, this should be in present tense too. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 22:18, 11 July 2010 (UTC) "Those events are described in sharp detail and include slamming screen doors to sneaking out late.[10]" Sentence is unneeded. (Maybe is needed but isnt written correctly, could be grammar or flow, cant quite put my finger on it, but as of now it doesnt make sense) (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 08:46, 11 July 2010 (UTC)  Done I thin it's because of the phrase "to sneaking out late" when it should be "to sneak out late". I corrected that. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 22:18, 11 July 2010 (UTC) The first way was correct. The sentence just doesnt make sense. Its not a crucial sentence so it would probably be better to just remove it :) (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 19:52, 13 July 2010 (UTC) Nevermind, ive re-read the whole section. Not sure what was changed but it makes sense now. Good Work (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 19:57, 13 July 2010 (UTC) Music Video The entire Music video section is close to falling under original research. Please add addition references for the music video synopsis. (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 09:16, 11 July 2010 (UTC) Music video synopsis do not need references. I have been told quite a long time ago. It's like adding references to film or book plots. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 22:30, 11 July 2010 (UTC) Are you 100% sure? If you could provide a discussion on this then i will gladly drop it. (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 23:15, 12 July 2010 (UTC) I can't find any discussion but I recall that Kww told me this. You can contact him. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 15:37, 15 July 2010 (UTC) Ill take your word for it then. (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 19:44, 15 July 2010 (UTC)

Issues Part 3(Resolved)

Live Performances Swift opened the concert with the song and dressed in a black, knee-length dress and red cowboy boots with a design of a scull and cross bones across it, played an acoustic guitar. Playing not played  Done During each performance, she donned a sparkly cocktail dress and black, leather boots. Swift skipped across the stage performing, playing an rhinestoned acoustic guitar. [...]playing a (not an) rhinestoned acoustic guitar  Done

Prose

Prose: GA review (see here for criteria) It is reasonably well written. a (prose): b (MoS): It is factually accurate and verifiable. a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): It is broad in its coverage. a (major aspects): b (focused): It follows the neutral point of view policy. Fair representation without bias: It is stable. No edit wars, etc.: It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate. a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions): Overall: Pass/Fail: (CK)Lakeshade✽talk2me 21:57, 24 July 2010 (UTC)