Talk:Pacific Mall/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 12:43, 19 April 2020 (UTC)

Comments

• Could link History of Chinese immigration to Canada.
  •  Done
• Lead is a little short for an article of this length.
  •  Done
• Just two refs in the lead, is odd. Move the refs to where to discuss the same points but in more detail in the article itself.
  •  Done
• "founded by Len Cullen, the founder" founded/founder is repetitive.
  •  Done
• In infobox, 450 stores/services but no reference?
  •  Added Info was in one of the lead refs.
• "suburban Toronto[9] and a" awkward ref placement, just put it at the end of the sentence. Readers can find what they need and not be jarred by the ref intrusion in flowing text.
  •  Done
• "While this immigration".... a behemoth of a sentence, just 89 words!! Split into at least three, and try to keep ref placements as unobtrusive as possible.
  •  Done
• "$500,000" I'm assuming this is CAN $ but can we link the first instance just to be sure?
  •  Done
• "making nearly 30 percent of Markham's population be of" -> "resulting in nearly 30 percent of Markham's population being of"
  •  Done
• of fifty-eight -> 58
  •  Done
• " in 1993[17] by Torgan Group" awkward ref again.
  •  Done
• "owned by individual owners " repetitive. Why just "owned by individuals"?
  •  Done
• "condo-style mall.[17][5] " ref order.
  •  Done
• "Entrance to Heritage Town in Pacific Mall." fragment so no full stop.
  •  Removed
• "ethnic malls[12][26] and attempted " split: "ethnic malls.[12][26] She also attempted "...
  •  Done
• "Sources alternately report Pacific Mall as opening in 1996 and in 1997" -> "Sources report Pacific Mall as opening either in 1996 or 1997."
  •  Done
• " retail condos were presold by 1993 for an average of $200 per square foot, with condos" repetitive use of condo.
  •  Done
• "An egg waffle stand at Pacific Mall." fragment so no full stop.
  •  Removed the period
• "tourist info centers" information.
  •  Done
• "original Hong Kong-originating" original/originating repetitive.
  •  Done
• "Emperor's chair at Heritage Town in Pacific Mall." fragment so no full stop.
  •  Removed the period
• "Market Village," is overlinked.
  •  Removed
• "300 to 800 square feet[34] " awkward ref again, and convert to sq m.
  •  Done
• " (see Controversies § Counterfeit merchandise below) " unnecessary.
  •  Removed
• " be owed to " be attributed to.
  •  Done
• "who built the mall in a " built it to avoid repeating mall so quickly.
  •  Done
• " complimented the" complemented.
  •  Done
• "Ho Hon Leung and Raymond Lau " who are these people and why is what they say notable?
  • They wrote what is cited at the end of the sentence. Not sure if I should remove it or not. Username⁶⁸⁹² 13:45, 20 April 2020 (UTC)
    •  Removed Morgan695 (talk) 17:50, 20 April 2020 (UTC)
• "Pacific Avenue" is overlinked.
  •  Removed
• "one million square feet" convert.
  •  Done
• " Markham City Council " overlinked.
  •  Removed
• " it requires additional approvals" still? As of 2020?
  • Correct, the mall has been in development hell for well over a decade now. Part of this is certainly financially motivated (rapid death of brick-and-mortar retail means no developer is in a rush to build a new mall), but additional approvals are still needed.
• You abbreviate USTR but never use the abbreviation.
  •  Removed
• "one thousand copies " 1,000.
  •  Done
• "$3 million ' non-breaking space between 3 and million.
  •  Done
• "in London, Ontario on" comma after Ontario.
  •  Done
• At least a couple of the See also are already linked in the article.
  •  Removed
• "Corridor signage at Pacific Mall." fragment, so no full stop required.
  •  Removed
• "Exterior of Pacific Mall." likewise.
  •  Removed both periods
• Single page refs should be p. not pp.
  •  Done
• Infobox mentions "anchor tenants" but that's not mentioned in the prose or referenced.
  •  Removed carry-over from before I edited the article, not sure what it's referring either

That's all I have for a first pass, so it's on hold. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 08:19, 20 April 2020 (UTC)

• Thanks for taking up this review. I see someone has already addressed some of the edits, but I'll take these up over the next few days. Morgan695 (talk) 15:30, 20 April 2020 (UTC)

• The Rambling Man: I've responded to the outstanding comments. Morgan695 (talk) 18:00, 20 April 2020 (UTC)

• Morgan695 thanks for addressing the points. The only thing I think is really still outstanding is a minor expansion to the lead. I think two paras is right, but slightly larger ones which cover all the salient points. Once you've expanded that, let me know and I'll take one final look before promoting. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 08:17, 21 April 2020 (UTC)

• The Rambling Man Lead has been expanded. Morgan695 (talk) 17:50, 21 April 2020 (UTC)

All good, thanks for the hard work and the responses above and general improvements. Promoting now, nice one. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 19:25, 21 April 2020 (UTC)