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Talk:Paiyaa/Archive 1

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Latest comment: 7 years ago by InternetArchiveBot in topic External links modified
Archive 1

GA Review

Latest comment: 12 years ago34 comments3 people in discussion
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This review is transcluded from Talk:Paiyaa/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: MathewTownsend (talk · contribs) 23:57, 8 January 2012 (UTC)

Hi, there are many problems with this article. I'll list examples, but I think it needs a good copy editing. Once the pose is ok, I'll reveiw the rest of the criteria.

Lede
  • "essaying supporting roles" - what does "essaying" mean?
 Y Done, but I thought you can essay a role. I have read that quite a few times. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
  • "a carefree guy" - "guy" is too casual for an encyclopedia article - use "man" or some other term
 Y Done. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
  • "in a bus-stop" - at a bus-stop
  • "he is asked to escort" - passive voice - who asked him? did she?
  • "follow them and wish to take away the girl to get her married." - "wish" is wrong word. Is it her family that plans to have her kidnapped by the gangsters? Are they a "gang" or what are they?
Changed wording. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
  • "features a highly successful soundtrack - clumsy - also "highly successful" may be POV
 Y Done. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
  • "emerged a high commercial success" - was commercially successful?
 Y Done. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
Plot
  • Prose is sometimes too casual. Examples:
  • "guy" - person?
 Y Done. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
  • "He later gets to spot her at a few occasions, trying to follow her, and even misses an interview his friends had arranged for him." - inconsistent grammar, clumsy wording.
 Y Done. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
  • "whom she and Shiva just about manage to escape" - bad wording
 Y Done. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
  • Other problems I noticed
  • there are bare urls - these must be formatted correctly
 Y Done. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
  • dead link - must be replaced
 Y Done. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
 Y Done. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)

I think you need a copy editor to go through the article. Then I will complete the review of the article. Meanwhile I will put the article on hold.

  • also, what is "a furious Telugu-speaking Amma"?
  • who is "Priya, Shiva's friend"? (in the cast section)
Production
  • "while working on the Vikram-starrer Bheema, - not good wording - Bheema, starring Vikram?

Best wishes, MathewTownsend (talk) 17:09, 9 January 2012 (UTC)

Some of the issues have been fixed. Regarding the dead link, do we need a source for that? The content it supports is "However, he announced the film with an entirely new crew, with Yuvan Shankar Raja and Madhi replacing Harris Jayaraj and R. D. Rajasekhar as the film's music composer and cinematographer respectively, whilst Priya Manikandan, wife of noted cinematographer Manikandan, was chosen as the chief costume designer." We have sources to say that Yuvan and Madhi are music director and cinematographer. Priya Manikandan as a costume designer alone needs a source, and this one would be enough, I think. X.One SOS 12:54, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
  • Reply
  • Yes, it needs a citation. Why not just give the names of the persons you have sources for?
 Y Done.
  • When it says "However, he announced the film with an entirely new crew," etc., that implies some things going on in the background that is not explained. Why did "he" make the changes?
Comment I found a source that explains why the cinematographer was changed, but we don't know why the director changed the composer. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
  • When you say "he", who are you referring to?
 Y Done. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
  • Remove the "however" - "however is used too many times in the article
 Y Done. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
  • "wife of noted cinematographer" - "noted" is a POV term - don't use it unless you can cite it to a source.
 Y Done. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
  • "was chosen as the chief costume designer." - this is passive voice - who chose? Just say who did the choosing.
 Y Done. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
  • "It became apparent that the film would be produced by" - passive voice - plus "became apparent" - how?
 Y Done. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
  • More comments
  • "The following month, sources suggested that he was planning a bilingual project, filming simultaneously in Tamil and Telugu with Karthi and Ram Charan Teja, respectively" - what does this mean? That Karthi will star in the Tamil version and Ram Charan Teja will start in the Telugu one? Is this related to Paiyaa?

MathewTownsend (talk) 17:21, 11 January 2012 (UTC)

Comment Yes, yes, it means that he wanted to shoot this film in Tamil with Karthi and in Telugu with Ram Charan Teja, but this did not happen eventually. Johannes003 (talk) 20:31, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
  • Please fix this. In the caste section it says:
  • "Sonia Deepti as Priya, Shiva's best friend. She cares a lot about Shiva and works to find him a job. Shiva shares his feelings only with Priya."
  • Priya is not mentioned in the plot section. And "Shiva shares his feelings only with Priya" is not mentioned.
  • Seems like Priya could be removed from the cast section as irrelevant.
  • Jayaraman, her supposed uncle, is not in the cast section, and the reader doesn't learn who plays that role. Shouldn't he be there?

MathewTownsend (talk) 13:39, 12 January 2012 (UTC)

Comment Priya is one of those loyal friends of Shiva. There is a scene in the film where Shiva calls her at midnight and tells her about his love for Charulatha, Shiva is closer to Priya than to anybody else. Don't know how we can include this in the plot. Reg. Jayaraman, well, even we don't know who plays the role. He is part of the gang, one of the many villains, they actually don't play a big role. Johannes003 (talk) 11:39, 13 January 2012 (UTC)
Well, Jayaraman is the main villain, not Baali. He appears thorought the journey following them with his men. I think I have the DVD of the film. Let me see if I can get a screenshot of the credits, which are in Tamil. I'll need someone who can read Tamil, though. X.One SOS 12:45, 13 January 2012 (UTC)
There are very few sources giving the details of the supporting cast, so if needed, shall I upload a screenshot of the credits? X.One SOS 12:51, 13 January 2012 (UTC)
You must remove Priya from the cast section if she is not mentioned the plot. (If her character is not mentioned in the plot, she cannot be listed in the cast.) Jayaraman is ok. Although he is mentioned in the plot, if you can't get information, the ok. MathewTownsend (talk) 13:53, 13 January 2012 (UTC)
  Done. But we have reliable sources to say that she essayed that role in the film. :) X.One SOS 13:57, 13 January 2012 (UTC)
I'm not sure how to phrase it. The basic story goes like this, she has an old friend who is a teacher, and she seeks her help to get Shiva a job. But he misses the interview. And after starting the journey to Mumbai, Shiva continuously nags his friends, especially Priya and calls her very often to describe what all had happened. In the end, it is Priya who confesses his love to Charu. Please tell me where and how to phrase it. Thanks. X.One SOS 15:21, 13 January 2012 (UTC)
I think it's not a big deal. There are only very few notable characters in the film. Sonia's character is of little more importance. I think it is absolutely fine now. Johannes003 (talk) 18:19, 13 January 2012 (UTC)
Great! I think it all makes sense now. MathewTownsend (talk) 18:45, 13 January 2012 (UTC)

GA review-see WP:WIAGA for criteria (and here for what they are not)

  1. Is it reasonably well written?
    A. Prose: clear and concise, correct spelling and grammar: 
    B. Complies with MoS for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:  
  2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
    A. Provides references to all sources:  
    B. Provides in-line citations from reliable sources where necessary:  
    C. No original research:  
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. Main aspects are addressed:  
    B. Remains focused:  
  4. Does it follow the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. Is it stable?
    No edit wars, etc:  
  6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
    A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:  
    B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:  
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:  

Congratulations! Good job! MathewTownsend (talk) 18:48, 13 January 2012 (UTC)

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