Talk:Palmer Park (Detroit)/GA1

GA Review

Latest comment: 9 years ago4 comments1 person in discussion

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Ritchie333 (talk · contribs) 21:39, 31 December 2014 (UTC)Reply

As I've just done the Belle Isle Conservatory review, I'm happy to do this one as well.

I'm not sure the hatnote is necessary - anyone looking for the district will probably have gone there by the main Palmer Park disambiguation page
The lead is a little bit short for an article of this size. I would expand what there is on the Merrill Fountain, the log cabin and the Old Spanish Bell as these have greater prominence in the article's body.
The lead says the park was created in 1893, but the infobox says it was 1895. Which is correct?

The second source at the end of the first sentence is a dead link
"Palmer continued to donate land throughout his life, and following his death" - I think this would benefit from being reworded, otherwise somebody could read it, accidentally interpret that Palmer donated land following his death.
What makes pridesource.com, peopleforpalmerpark.org historic.org reliable sources? This isn't a go at the sources, which look well written and presented; rather I'd just be more comfortable knowing what their credentials are towards factual accuracy.
There is no mention of the park's association with the gay community, nor any mention of the rise in violent crime in the 1980s, or the general decline of the park since the mid-1950s as reported in several sources such as this one. This definitely need to go in the article.

What makes this council important to mention in the article. Just a sentence explaining why the group was formed would be sufficient?
I think a separate section here isn't required. My recommendation would be to either merge it with "History" or create a separate "Campaigns" subsection which documents the decline of the park, this council, and People for Palmer Park

Related to the point above, an explanation of why this group needed to be formed would be useful.
"with the Detroit government's blessing" - suggest "approval" instead of "blessing"

I think just "Golf Course" would be a suitable title here (but keep the full title in the opening sentence)

As this section talks about Lake Frances and Lake Harold, it might be simpler just to call it "Lakes"
"A man-made lake dotted with small islands and anchored by a miniature red-and-white lighthouse that was once lit with an oil lamp" - this sentence is missing a finite verb, and I think it's too close to the original source that it could be accused of being close paraphrasing.
"and named for his mother-in-law" - suggest "named after his mother-in-law"
Worth adding that Lake Frances was originally popular with children as they could feed goldfish there?

Why is this section called "Merrill Humane Fountain" and not simply "Merrill Fountain"?
"Built in 1904" - suggest "It was built in 1904" (with grammar in the rest of the sentence following suit)
"a cost of US$1,000,000 ($26,248,148 in 2014)" - the impression I get from the source is that $1M is only an approximate figure, and so a figure adjusted for inflation should be something more like "approx $26M in 2014" (or now 2015?)
"to move the fountain to the Merrill Plaissance, at the far southern boundary of Palmer Park, in 1926" - the pridesource source says it moved in 1923
An explanation of who Charles Merrill is would be useful
"It (the fountain) has been dry for over 50 years" - if the pipes broke after one season following installation, I would assume it has been dry for far longer
The second paragraph is mostly cited to a dead link

I think "Log cabin" would probably be a better section title
"on land which now compromises part of Palmer Park" - suggest "on land which is now part of Palmer Park"
"where she could live as people had in the early days" - what do you mean by "the early days" specifically here?
The second paragraph is primarily a copyright violation of this source. (report) and must be removed immediately
"The Palmers were not ostentatious people" - I don't think "ostentatious" is the best word to use here
What does "thronged in for a look" mean?
Do we have any images of how the log cabin looks today?

"It features colorful spouts that spray water from several directions." - why is this relevant

I think there are a number of issues in this article, but the principal problem is that I don't think it is broad enough in coverage as it's missing several key points in its history, not least the association with the gay community. Some of the sourcing is problematic, and I'm not sure the web sources are as accurate as we would like. The copyright violations are unfortunately a showstopper, and while I've removed the most obvious one, the report is still showing a 75% probability of violating copyright. And that, I'm afraid, is a deal-breaker. Sorry. Ritchie333 ^(talk) ^(cont) 12:04, 1 January 2015 (UTC)Reply