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Talk:Pan Am Flight 214/GA1

< Talk:Pan Am Flight 214
Latest comment: 5 years ago by The Rambling Man in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 5 years ago4 comments2 people in discussion
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 16:30, 22 September 2019 (UTC)Reply


Comments

  • "since the airline had started flying jets five years earlier." -> "since their introduction by the airline five years earlier"? Or similar? Just trying to avoid the quick repeat of "jet".
    Changed to "It was the first fatal accident on a Pan Am jet aircraft since the company had taken its first delivery of the type five years earlier." It still reads wonky but other wordings imply that Pan Am was the company that had first flown jet aircraft. It didn't.
  • "The exact way that the ..." reads strangely to me, but I guess it's a pref/ENGVAR thing, I would see it as "The precise way in which the..."
    I've been staring at that one for a while and think it might be an ENGVAR thing. I could reword it as "the precise mechanism of the ignition of the fumes..." etc., but that comes over as overly pretentious to me.
  • Aircraft name is in italics in the infobox and in plain text (but quotes) in the main part of the article.
    Done
  • "in San Juan, Puerto Rico to" comma after Puerto Rico.
    Done
  • "The flight left San Juan at... " reiterate, "Flight 214 left ..." because previous sentence talks about a different flight.
    Done
  • "got off the plane in Baltimore" -> "disembarked in Baltimore".
    Done
  • You've used a comma separator in other articles for altitudes in feet, that worked for me.
    Done
  • "on fire.[5][1](pp1,3) " order, and a space between , and 3.
    Done. I wasn't aware the {{rp}} template allowed me to put a space in there.
  • "he 10th fatal " tenth.
    Done
  • "curious spectators.[10][8]" order.
    Done
  • "nose gear.[1](p5)." spare period.
    Done
  • "site.[1](pp5-6) " en-dash for page range.
    Done. Another {{rp}} feature I wasn't aware of
  • "the area, and spread burning jet fuel across a wide area" area quickly repeated is a little jarring.
    Done
  • "Washington, DC to" ->" Washington, D.C., to"
    Done
  • "Twenty three " hyphen..
    Done
  • "oldest jet aircraft in the U.S. commercial jet fleet" could lose the first "jet".
    Done
  • "of the crash.[6][3] " order.
    Done
  • Link Boeing Company, Air Line Pilots Association, International and P&W?
    Done
  • "Rep. Samuel S. Stratton " that's inaccessible to non-US readers, does it mean Republican senator?
    US House of Representatives, read as "Representative Samuel S. Stratton". Clarified that.
  • Link flight data recorder.
    Done
  • "Bolling Air Force Base in Washington, DC for" see above.
    Done
  • "near Milan, Italy in" comma after Italy.
    Done
  • "them.[23][17](p22) " order.
    Done
  • "The Civil Aeronautics Board conducted " -> "The CAB conducted..
    Done
  • "investigation.[1](p14)." spare period again.
    Done
  • You use FAA but didn't put it in brackets after the first expanded version.
    Done
  • "JP-4 advocates countered that the fuel was as safe or safer" -> "that it was .." to avoid repeat of "fuel".
    Done
  • "On March 3, 1965, the Civil Aeronautics Board released" CAB.
    Done
  • " crash, the Federal Aviation Administration formed " FAA.
    Done
  • "vent outlets.[27][17](p36) " and "f the wings.[27][17](p36)" order.
    Done
  • "LANSA Flight 508 - Another accident caused by a lightning strike" and the other, should be an en-dash, not a hyphen.
    Done
  • Avoid spaced hyphens in ref titles, use spaced en-dashes.
    Done
  • External link, archive date format should be same as other archive date format used in the refs.
    Done
  • " ill-fated 707" too tabloid.
    Done

That's all I have, another fascinating read. On hold for now. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 19:34, 22 September 2019 (UTC)Reply

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