Talk:Parachute Jump/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 12:32, 2 September 2019 (UTC)

Comments

• I would be tempted to merge the first two (very short) paras in the lead, per WP:LEAD three paras would seem appropriate.
• " to operate, as each parachute required three cable operators." repetitive use of "operate"
• "was moved to" not really sure we need to pipe "move", most of our readers will understand what that means.
• "Today, the Parachute Jump..." per WP:PRECISELANG try to avoid "Today", maybe "As of 2019"...?
• "called the "Eiffel Tower of Brooklyn".[5][4]" ref order.
• "flagpole.[7]:4[2]:5[8][9] " same.
• "keeping labor expenses high" why not "resulting in high labor expenses"? Keeping seems odd to me.
• " parachuting could only be taught by jumping out of airplanes, but by the 1930s, technology had advanced to the extent that towers could also be used to teach parachuting" repetitive "parachuting ... taught ... teach parachuting" in one sentence...
• "tower on Stanley's farm" Switlik's farm.
• "jumping, the tower saw its first public jump on June 2, 1935, when Earhart jumped" jump x 3.
• "The Parachute Drop was patented by retired U.S. Naval Commander James H. Strong and Stanley Switlik" was that the name given to this new-fangled machine then? And no need to repeat Switlik's first name again.
• "the Soviet Union.[10][17][2]:4 " order.
• "modified his invention to non-military use" maybe ENGVAR but I would have modified it "for" non-military use.
• "could hold two, " add "people" for clarity.
• " jump.[7]:4[2]:4–5[18]" order.
• No need to link tornado.
• "for $150,000.[12][2]:7" order.
• "NYC Parks.[62][63] Subsequently, NYC Parks attempted " -> "NYC Parks,[62][63] which subsequently attempted " to avoid repeat.
• restaurant.[74][73] order.
• "painted and stabilized the structure in 1993, painting it in its " -> "stabilized the structure in 1993 and painted it in its "?
• "from forty-six countries" 46.
• "exhibition space.[101][102][99]" order.
• "Jump also started lighting up" sounds spontaneous, one imagines it would be more like "the Parachute Jump was lit up..."
• "it is still operational " as of?
• Avoid SHOUTING in the ref titles.
• Spaced hyphens in ref titles should be spaced en-dashes.
• Except in year ranges when they should be unspaced en-dashes.
• "1939-40 Collection Parachute Jump Imagery" en-dash.
• "4 color transparencies, 1 photo caption page" four/one.

Very good and interesting article, on hold while we address the above. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 11:32, 3 September 2019 (UTC)

@The Rambling Man: Thanks for the review. I have addressed all of these. epicgenius (talk) 17:00, 3 September 2019 (UTC)

Very nice work, I'm more than satisfied it meets GA criteria, so passing. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 18:46, 4 September 2019 (UTC)