Talk:Patrick Omameh/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: AutomaticStrikeout (talk · contribs) 03:57, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

I'll review this article. AutomaticStrikeout (T • C) 03:57, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

Infobox

• Something seems inconsistent. If he is still a member of the Michigan Wolverines, which appears to be the case, shouldn't there be a mention of Michigan's most recent bowl appearance in the "Bowl games" section?
  • I just updated the whole team for this bowl game.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:19, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

Lead

• "lowest rated" Maybe it should be hyphenated, maybe not. (If it should be, please correct all instances where the term is used in the article.) You probably know best how to deal with it.
  • I believe it is correct.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:39, 13 January 2013 (UTC)
• "as both a 2012 Pop Warner National College Football Award finalist and a 2012 Allstate AFCA Good Works Team member" are there articles you could Wikilink to for either of those items?
  • Neither.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:39, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

High School

• "straight A student" Again, perhaps it should be hyphenated.
  • Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 22:43, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

College

• redshirted was already linked in the lead, so no further linking is necessary
  • O.K.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:18, 13 January 2013 (UTC)
• "He made his first career start on November 7, 2009 when Perry Dorrestein was sidelined with a back injury against Purdue and stayed in the starting lineup for the final two games of the season for the 2009 team." Part of that needs to be reworded to make it clear who started the final two games
  • Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:19, 13 January 2013 (UTC)
• "three and a half seasons" yet another possible hyphenation situation
  • I don't believe so.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:36, 13 January 2013 (UTC)
• "By the end of the 2012 regular season finale Michigan–Ohio State football rivalry game," Might be a bit too many words there, I think "by the end of the 2012 Michigan–Ohio State game" would suffice (with appropriate wikilinking, of course)
  • Done.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:23, 13 January 2013 (UTC)
• "He joins Zoltan Mesko as the only Michigan players to ever receive the AFCA Good Works Team recognition." Perhaps "the only two Michigan players" would work better
  • O.K.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:21, 13 January 2013 (UTC)
• If you can find Wikilinks for things such as Academic All-Big Ten and All-Big Ten, that would be great. If not, it's ok.
  • They don't exist to my knowledge.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:20, 13 January 2013 (UTC)
• "Omameh was selected as a first team All-Big Ten selection by the coaches" selected and then selection in the same sentence reads a little redundantly
  • Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:27, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

Personal

• Is the height of his parents relevant to this article?
  • People often wonder how tall the parents of tall people are. Thus, this is sought after encyclopedic content.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 22:47, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

References

• Some inconsistent treatment of CBS interactive (both Wikilinked and put in parentheses).
  • I think the refs are more consistent now.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 22:46, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

External links

• You might consider adding appropriate portal links using the {{Portal bar}} template.

• Ok, I will have further comments later, but for now, you might look into whether or not the personal life section could be expanded. Also, I don't believe it is necessary to link the same publisher more than once in the reference section. AutomaticStrikeout (T • C) 23:17, 15 January 2013 (UTC)
  • The reason links are considered redundant in the text when they are repeated is because we assume the reader has read the text above. We do not assume that the reader reads each ref, so they should stand alone. Thus, links can be repeated.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:09, 16 January 2013 (UTC)

More comments

• "Omameh was an Academic All-Big Ten in both 2010 and 2011." Source?
  • Reffed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:01, 19 January 2013 (UTC)
• "On September 18, Omameh was named to the 11-man Allstate American Football Coaches Association (AFCA) Good Works Team." September 18 of what year?
  • Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:33, 16 January 2013 (UTC)
• Ref 1 appears to be a dead link and Ref 17 does not seem to mention Omameh
  • Unable to verify print version of ref 1.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:01, 19 January 2013 (UTC)
• Not really sure that you can conclude that Taylor Lewan and other teammates marveled at Omameh's appetite from the source provided.
  • Unable to verify print version of ref 1.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 06:01, 19 January 2013 (UTC)
• If more information cannot be found for the personal life section, you might consider merging it if possible. Also, you might move the information about his appetite there.
• I'll give you a couple of days to try and find a bit more content for the article, in case there is some more that could be said, but I think this is pretty close to passing right now. AutomaticStrikeout (T • C) 17:00, 16 January 2013 (UTC)

  How soon do you think you can address the rest of these concerns? AutomaticStrikeout (T • C) 04:12, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

  • Ref 1 went dead and I have no way to verify if a print edition contains this content. I have gotten discouraged.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 04:35, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Well, I wouldn't necessarily consider it a deal-breaker all by itself. AutomaticStrikeout (T • C) 04:46, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

• After giving it further consideration, I have decided to pass the article and I will be listing it. AutomaticStrikeout (T • C) 20:01, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.