Talk:Peter Hesketh-Fleetwood/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Malleus Fatuorum 17:00, 7 July 2011 (UTC)

Lead

• "With Hesketh-Fleetwood's influence, a railway line was built between Preston and Fleetwood which opened in 1840." What does "with his influence" mean? Who actually paid for the railway to be built? Hesketh-Fleetwood?

• Hopefully this is clearer now.--BelovedFreak 11:36, 12 July 2011 (UTC)

Early life and family

• "Robert inherited the estate in 1819 on the death of his elder brother, Bold ...". Because you use Robert for both Hesketh-Fleetwood's elder brother and his father this is at first sight rather confusing. Presumably this Robert is his father?

• There's only one Robert: Peter's father. Have I made the "his elder brother Bold" bit confusing, in that "his" might refer to Peter? --BelovedFreak 11:42, 8 July 2011 (UTC)

• Ah yes, my misreading. Scrub that. Malleus Fatuorum 14:01, 8 July 2011 (UTC)

Politics

• The second sentence of the first paragraph tells us that he changed his name in 1831, but it tells us this too late, as the final paragraph of the preceding section has already inexplicably switched from calling him Hesketh to Hesketh-Fleetwood.

• I've moved that sentence into the previous section, so it should be clearer now.--BelovedFreak 13:37, 10 July 2011 (UTC)

• "In 1840 he translated Victor Hugo's pamphlet, The Last Day of a Condemned Man, with a forward entitled "Observations on capital punishment" that made clear Hesketh-Fleetwood's stance on the issue." That's rather teasing. So what was his stance on the issue? (I fixed the "forward" BTW.)

• How embarrassing, thanks! I've added "abolitionist" to clarify.--BelovedFreak 13:37, 10 July 2011 (UTC)

Development of Fleetwood

• "As a student in the south of England, Hesketh had enjoyed spending holidays in coastal towns like St Leonards-on-Sea ...". We've already been told this in the Early life section.

• Trimmed this and slightly reworded to avoid the repetition.--BelovedFreak 13:37, 10 July 2011 (UTC)

• "Railways in Great Britain were steadily increasing in the first half of the 18th century ...". Increasing what? The number of railways was increasing?

• Fixed.--BelovedFreak 13:37, 10 July 2011 (UTC)

• "As High Sheriff of Lancashire, he attended the opening of the Liverpool and Manchester Railway on 15 December 1830". When did he become High Sheriff of Lancashire? This is the first we're told about it.

• It's mentioned in the Politics section.--BelovedFreak 13:37, 10 July 2011 (UTC)

• "He was becoming concerned over delays from the Railway and Port Company". Delays don't come from anywhere.

• Is "delays taken by" better? --BelovedFreak 11:36, 12 July 2011 (UTC)

• "Frederick Kemp was a more forceful character than Hesketh-Fleetwood who turned to his brother Charles—asking him to get £4,000 out of Kemp." £4,000 for what, why? Had Kemp already refused Hesketh-Fleetwood?

• I've explained this better.--BelovedFreak 11:36, 12 July 2011 (UTC)

• The port seems to have figured quite prominently in the early stages of the planned development; was it ever built? What about the hotel and the planned ferry to Scotland?

• I've added some more detail. There is more I could add about Wyre Dock which was built from 1869, and the fishing industry, but I'm reluctant to go off on too much of a tangent. See what you think. --BelovedFreak 11:36, 12 July 2011 (UTC)

Thanks very much for the review and the copyediting. I'm away from my books at the moment but should be able to start on this either later today or tomorrow.--BelovedFreak 10:01, 9 July 2011 (UTC)

I think I've addressed all your points now.--BelovedFreak 11:36, 12 July 2011 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.