Talk:Phoenix (1980 video game)/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Nominator: Andrzejbanas (talk · contribs)

Reviewer: PresN (talk · contribs) 22:20, 28 March 2024 (UTC)

Okay, lets see what we can do here. I don't use templates, but do a stream of consciousness list as I read from top to bottom. So:

• That's a pretty awesome flyer image!
  • Oh yeah! Bold prog-rocky flyer. Usually Japanese poster art is a bit more evocative. Not really in this case. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)
• "where it helped make the company turn a profit, where their previous year was a loss." -> "where it helped make the company turn a profit, after a loss the previous year."

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• Link boss battle to Boss (video games), since it's the focus of the sentence

Good call. Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• Typically the "one link per article" rule resets after the lede, so relink Shoot 'em up in Gameplay

Done. see below. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• "set on a fixed screen, set in space" - double "set", change to "set on a fixed screen, taking place in space"

Tried to combine it here if that is okay. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• "Operational switches are available on the arcade machine that can adjust gameplay." - doesn't make it clear that the player can't (easily) hit these switches; maybe "Switches are available on the arcade machine to the operator of the machine that can adjust gameplay."

Sure. Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• I believe you, but am dismayed, to learn that the developer is unknown. This should be noted in the lede explicitly, instead of through omission. I see from some searching that it may have been a company named "Hiraoka", but I'm not seeing an RS saying that either.

Yeah, I've seen a few people suggest that, but nothing conclusive, so it would be true to say it is unknown as there are some likely possibilities, but nothing is confirmed. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• "Centuri Inc entered" - typically, unless needed for clarification, incorporation marks ("Inc.", "Ltd.", etc.) are not included in the name, so just "Centuri".

Agreed. Also, linked first mention of Centuri here. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• "to distribute and market all current and future Centuri arcade games outside of the arcade systems" - not clear what "outside of the arcade systems" means

Tried to clarify this. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• "outside of the arcade systems, with the first three games announced being ports of the games" - see User:Tony1/Noun plus -ing for a very long explanation of why this is laborious writing, but in short, change to "outside of the arcade systems, and the first three games announced were ports of the games"

Done, I believe. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• "The Atari 2600 version misses elements from the Arcade original" - "The Atari 2600 version lacks elements from the arcade original" or "is missing elements"

going with "is missing elements". I feel like saying "lacking" is not as neutral. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• " the music (the arcade version" - in general, parentheticals aren't a good idea in encyclopedic-style writing, and especially when the parenthetical is the size of a sentence. I see that you want to keep it as a list of items, but just take this whole bit and make it a sentence after the list, it will be clear that it references the music, or else move it to gameplay.

Tried to move it around. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• ", and fewer enemies appear on the screen" - breaks the pattern; all of the other items follow "is missing elements, such as X, Y, Z", but to break it you need to either add a new verb (", and has fewer enemies appear on the screen") or else just make it a new sentence (". In addition, fewer enemies appear on the screen"). I'd go with the second, as that sentence is already pretty long.

Agreed. Tried to change it up. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• "where it was licensed to Taito by TPN" - this is the first (only) mention of TPN; who is that? You said earlier the dev was unknown, though it seems TPN is the other possible candidate besides Hiraoka

I honestly don't know as its a very brief mention of it in the source in question. I'm going to drop it for now, as its clear that it was licensed to Taito, which is still accurate. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• Are there any details about the settlement over Demon Attack? Odd that they settled, but also released the game; presumably Atari got some money.

I have not been able to find specifics on this. When people discuss with devs about Demon Attack, they usually talk to Rob Fulop the game designer and not really much anyone else. He basically says he wasn't deeply involved with the lawsuit, so there isn't much about "what happened" outside that it was settled and this was the public facing results. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• "Phoenix was released for consoles" - The Atari 2600 is a console, and Windows isn't, so maybe just "Phoenix was later re-released". Also, "for the Xbox, PlayStation 2, PlayStation Portable, and Windows PCs" is tripping me because of the "the", so maybe just "for Xbox, PlayStation 2, PlayStation Portable, and Windows PCs".

Right on. Changed. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• "Prior to its release in the United States, the game was released in Europe and Japanese markets where it was very popular." - we just got done talking about the earlier releases, so this is repetitious. Maybe just "The arcade game was very popular in Europe and Japan."

Agreed. Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• You have 4 money amounts in 2 sentences, but the second (7.5 million) is the only one without a "$". Also, since we're talking international markets, since this is presumably US dollars, link the first instance with {{USD}} to clarify (there's a lot of "dollar" currencies out there).

Agreed. Changed. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• "In a retrospective review by Brett Alan Weiss (AllGame)" - re: parentheticals, should be "In a retrospective review by Brett Alan Weiss of AllGame"

Agreed. Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• " concluded that "Finely" - "finely", no caps, also italicize Phoenix in the quote

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• "comparing it to Galaxian (1979) stating" - "comparing it to Galaxian (1979), stating"
• "Phoenix took it's gameplay "a few screen further"" - its, and either "screens" or "screen[s]", depending on if the source had it off
• "finding Phoenix "considerably advanced" noting" - "finding Phoenix "considerably advanced", noting"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• Oh, now you link boss- drop this in favor of the one I asked for in Gameplay

Right again. Changed. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• I've never heard clones termed "bootlegged", but it should be linked to video game clone or also called a clone.

These bootlegs are literally the same game with a different title rather than a similar game (i.e, a Grand Theft Auto clone). Such as here. Its just basically that the game was released (unofficially by Taito or Centuri) under these titles from bootleg arcade devs. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• Huh, haven't seen someone do refs/sources split for non-books in a while

Feels good to me! Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• Some of the ISBNs aren't hyphenated or are only partially hyphenated- [1] is good for that if you don't have something already

Ahh wasn't familiar. I've adjusted it. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• You have ISSNs on some magazines, but not others; actually, you also have it sometimes for Retro Gamer but not other instances. Be consistent, preferably with ISSNs for all.

Got them all. I think i used to have trouble finding the ISSN for Retro gamer, so it goes a bit back and forth. (turns out they are in the back of the magazine usually! So i added some later. They have all been added now I beleive). Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

• You have a couple dates like 19 September 1981c and 24 January 1981a?

That was me attempting to fix some citations errors. This seems either been something I was missing or something that's changed with wikipedia since. Not sure! Either way, i've adjusted it. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

That's it! Sorry this sat in the queue for so long. --PresN 22:20, 28 March 2024 (UTC)

No worries. I'm honestly used to film an album nominations and film articles taking months to nearly a year. I'll get on this for the weekend. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:18, 29 March 2024 (UTC)

Thanks for the lovely suggestions and comments. I think i've covered all your requests @PresN:. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:34, 31 March 2024 (UTC)

Alright, passing for GA! --PresN 01:53, 31 March 2024 (UTC)