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Latest comment: 17 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
Should this really belong to the France portal? It was a purely Miami village, on land contested by two European imperial powers. If anything, Pickawillany was an affront to supposed France superiority because the Miami dared to trade with someone else. Mingusboodle22:05, 30 August 2007 (UTC)Reply
"The English term Pickawillany derives from the Shawnee word for the Miamis – pkiiwileni 'foreigner'." → "The English term Pickawillany derives from pkiiwileni, the Sawnee word for the Miami people – literally, "foreigner"."
"Shawnee pekowiiøa 'ash people'." → "Shawnee pekowiiøa, or "ash people"." per MOS:DOUBLE
"Langlade with 240 Indians and one other unidentified Frenchman arrived at the village" → "Langlade arrived at the village with 240 Indians and one other unidentified Frenchman"
"had no water (the fort's well had apparently gone dry)" → "had no water, the fort's well having gone dry,"
"a gunshot wound "in the belly."" → "a gunshot wound to his abdomen."
The short paragraphs start to read like proseline. I believe that the paras can be combined into the following:
"The five English traders", "Andrew McBryer," and "In 1756 George Croghan", as these all discuss the specific outcomes of individuals not detailed below
"Memeskia's wife" and "Langade garnered"; both paras mention Langlade
"A month after the raid" and "Following the attack"; both describe what happened to the site
The Burney paragraph can stay as is
As for an order, go with whatever you feel is right.
Images are properly licensed and relevant. Many of them are, however, quite large: per MOS:IMGSIZE, images should not be set to a fixed width larger than 220px without very good reason. Most of the maps are at 350px, which is technically allowable but creates some viewing difficulties even on my laptop screen, to say nothing of mobile readers.
No stability concerns present in the revision history
Copyvio score looks good at 23.7% from attributed direct quotes
Dear GhostRiver, thank you very much for this thorough review. I have made corrections and changes following your recommendations. I hope this satisfies GA criteria. Please let me know if you would like to see any additional changes. Cmacauley (talk) 21:02, 17 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
I have made one more edit, just to turn a parenthetical into a foot/endnote as suggested, and to show you how to do such a thing if you would like to learn. I must say the article was very well-written; most of my comments were on Manual of Style quirks that are not necessarily intuitive unless you have been writing or reviewing GAs for a while. With all those changes made, though, I'll be happy to pass this article! — GhostRiver16:49, 18 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
