Talk:Postgame Mortem

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Postgame Mortem/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Gabriel Yuji (talk · contribs) 14:50, 24 January 2016 (UTC)

I'll review this one. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 14:50, 24 January 2016 (UTC)

Lead

• "The episode is the first of two episodes to deal with the murder of Hearst's basketball coach" — remember that the person that is reading the article may know anything about the series, which is my case. So what is Hearst? And it's strange that it's the only mention of it since the lead should summarize the body.
• Dick is not introduced too. Some brief description like the one did for Josh is enough. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 21:28, 24 January 2016 (UTC)
• "In addition, Veronica and Keith find out that it two of the main suspects' alibis do not match." — the "it" seems needless here.
• "In particular, a scene in which Logan and Heather run into Veronica in an elevator was Thomas's favorite of the year, praising Goglia's performance in the scene and episode" — in this case, the infobox helps me but anyway Goglia was not introduced to an unfamiliar reader. Probably a parenthesis after Heather is enough.
• "the Logan-Heather subplot" should use the en dash (–) per MOS:NDASH#In compounds when the connection might otherwise be expressed with to, versus, and, or between

Plot

• A very minor nitpick but Wikipedia uses ', not ’ (MOS:PUNCT). I don't know why but almost the whole article uses ' but here in the plot you use ’. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 21:28, 24 January 2016 (UTC)
• "Wallace’s (Percy Daggs III) basketball coach berates the team after a game" — 1) Is the coach a particular coach to Wallace? 2) is it mentioning the same coach from the lead—the Hearst's coach?
• "Dick calls Logan and says he’s in Las Vegas, leaving Logan to babysit Heather for another day." — he is, per WP:ABBR#Contractions
• "the new leader says that they wouldn’t kill someone over a bad car like the Coach’s vehicle" — ditto
• "stating that he will continue to search for the Dean’s killer. Veronica questions Mason, but he ends up angrily walking away. Veronica and Keith recuperate, and Keith says that Dean O’Dell’s car" — I guess it's preferrable to cite the full name fist; and, btw, Dean is the coach name? if yes, why not to mention it earlier?
• "Hank Landry (Patrick Fabian) tells Veronica that she’s successfully applied" — again

Production

• Juliette Goglia is already linked in the "Plot synopsis".

Reviews

• "Logan and Heather's subplot also garnered praise" — Could you comment on why BuddyTV said it?
• Why not to include Television Without Pity commentaries but only their grade?
• "He was also complimentary towards the Logan-Heather plotline" — the same I said for the lead.

Overal it's fine. I may give it another read and I will likely pass it. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 21:28, 24 January 2016 (UTC)

@Gabriel Yuji: I have fixed most of what you commented. The only comment I did not change directly was the one about Dean O'Dell, who is not the Coach, nor is his name dean—he's the Dean of the school. I changed his name to Cyrus in the article to avoid confusion. Johanna^{(talk to me!)} 01:10, 26 January 2016 (UTC)

Very good. It's all fine. Pass. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 23:36, 26 January 2016 (UTC)