Wikipedia

Talk:Reiss Nelson/GA1

< Talk:Reiss Nelson
Latest comment: 7 months ago by Harper J. Cole in topic GA Review

GA Review

edit
Latest comment: 7 months ago38 comments2 people in discussion
GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Nominator: Idiosincrático (talk · contribs) 14:44, 23 December 2023 (UTC)Reply

Reviewer: Harper J. Cole (talk · contribs) 21:43, 7 April 2024 (UTC)Reply


I'll take this review on. --Harper J. Cole (talk) 21:43, 7 April 2024 (UTC)Reply

Some comments; let me know what you think. A lot of it is punctuation.
  • he has developed into an influential player Is there a citation for him being influential? It's a bit vague as a term.
  • He grew up in the Aylesbury Estate in Walworth and attended the London Nautical School, the school trains young men from inner-London often within Maritime and sporting backgrounds; Nelson played football at the school in conjunction with his training at Arsenal and still acts as a mentor at the school. A rather long sentence that uses the phrase "the school" three times. Also, it looks like both words are usually capitalised in "Inner London", which can be wikilinke, together with Walworth. Suggested rewording: He grew up in the Aylesbury Estate in Walworth and attended the London Nautical School, which trains young men from Inner London, often with Maritime and sporting backgrounds. Nelson played football at the school in conjunction with his training at Arsenal and still acts as a mentor there.
  • often lead him into trouble Should be "led" (past tense).
  • to sustain both Nelson, his brother and his sister in their youth Remove "both", as there are more than two people listed.
  • he came from a poor family and commuting to and from training was often a "big sacrifice" Specify that his mother is driving him, as commuting can mean a lot of things.
  • he was regarded as one of the club's most promising young players, Semicolon instead of a comma here, as the rest of the sentence expands on this statement.
  • Before making his senior debut in 2017, he was playing five years above his age group. Specify that this was in the U21s so people have an idea of the ages involved.
  • dribbling balls towards the byline setting up teammates Put an "and" after "byline", as reaching the byline did not in and of itself set them up (he still had to cross the ball in).
  • Nelson made his first competitive appearance against Chelsea in the 2017 FA Community Shield, he came on as a substitute for Welbeck as Arsenal won 4–1 on penalties, after the match had ended in a draw. Replace the first comma with a semicolon. Also remove the second comma, I think.
  • During the season, Nelson was limited to mostly cup and European appearances for the first-team; including five UEFA Europa League appearances, three EFL Cup matches and one FA Cup loss against Nottingham Forest. This time the semicolon should be a comma, unless you rephrase ("these included...") When semicolons are used, each section of the sentence should be a valid sentence by itself.
  • He made his Premier League debut in a 4–1 win over Crystal Palace at the Emirates Stadium on 20 January 2018, he came on as a substitute in the 72nd minute. Replace the comma with a semicolon or rephrase ("coming on as a substitute...")
  • he scored within 14 minutes of entering the match; although it was only a consolation Comma instead of semicolon.
  • Nelson scored six Bundesliga goals Wikilink Bundesliga as it's used here for the first time.
  • Nelson struggled to make an impact in the latter stages of Hoffenheim's season, Semicolon instead of comma.
  • Nelson returned to Arsenal following his loan in Germany, he was brought into the first-team along with fellow academy graduate Emile Smith Rowe as Emery looked to focus on youth talent in his second season; he was also given the number 24 shirt in his search for regular first-team football. A bit too much to cover with one sentence. I'd split it into two different sentences with a full stop after "Germany".
  • first-team Shouldn't be hyphenated unless it's followed by a noun (e.g. "first-team player").
  • he was also given the number 24 shirt in his search for regular first-team football. Also, I'm not sure how the number 24 relates to getting first team football, and the citation doesn't clarify.
  • a confident top net finish A bit awkward, as it sounds like there's more than one net. Perhaps just say "a confident finish".
  • There's a typo on the word "Arsenal" in the title of citation 26.
  • Wikilink offside in this paragraph.
  • he later returned from injury You don't need the word "later" as this is implied.
  • He was in Arsenal's squad when they won their 14th FA Cup against Chelsea on 1 August. Specify that he was an unused substitute in the final.
  • injuries hindered Nelson during the season which limited him to just 69 minutes of Premier League football This sentence construction makes it sound like his appearances are being limited by the season itself, rather than by his injuries. How about injuries hindered Nelson during the season, limiting him to just 69 minutes of Premier League football
  • Nelson joined Eredivisie side Feyenoord on loan in August 2021, his squad number was 14 during his stay in the Netherlands. Semicolon instead of comma.
  • Small "s" on "sporting director".
  • Feyenoord Sporting director Frank Arnesen said that the club followed Nelson for several months, Arnesen also described him... Semicolon instead of comma.
  • Nelson scored four goals for Feyenoord during his time at the club, he also helped his side reach the inaugural UEFA Europa Conference League final, which his side lost 1–0 to José Mourinho's Roma in Tirana, Albania. Semicolon after "club". Also, "his side" is used twice; replace the second "his side" with "they".
  • After returning from loan, Nelson revealed that his loan with Feyenoord was good... To avoid repeating "loan", replace the second one with "spell".
  • the Arsenal first-team Again no hyphen in "first team".
  • At the end of the month, he later scored a brace No need for the word "later", as this is implied.
  • and his winning goal was voted Arsenal Goal of the Season Specify that this was voted on by Arsenal fans.
  • He made his first appearance of the season against Manchester United in the Premier League at the Emirates Stadium on 3 September; and later scored his first goal of the season against Brentford in the EFL Cup on 27 September, it was the only goal of the match. Swap the semicolon and the comma.
  • to be apart of Two separate words ("a part").
Harper J. Cole (talk) 23:30, 7 April 2024 (UTC)Reply
  • Thank you so much, I think I've addressed all your comments. When I wrote this article, I had really just learnt how to use semicolons and decided that they would make up the bulk this article apparently... Let me know if there is any other problems. :) Idiosincrático (talk) 02:32, 8 April 2024 (UTC)Reply
    Thanks; I've made two more minor punctuation changes and will now promote. Of course, with this being an active player, the article will have to be updated as his career continues. If you're unsure about semicolons etc., the Guild of Copy Editors are a resource you can use for that. Harper J. Cole (talk) 19:38, 8 April 2024 (UTC)Reply
Add topic
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Reiss_Nelson/GA1&oldid=1217936222"