Talk:Ryse: Son of Rome/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: ProtoDrake (talk · contribs) 19:06, 10 September 2015 (UTC)

As I have no opinions whatsoever on this title, I'll take this one on. I may take a few days getting to it. If I've not got to it in four days, give me a buzz on my talk page. --ProtoDrake (talk) 19:06, 10 September 2015 (UTC)

Review

@AdrianGamer:Here are the points that stood out to me.

• A general thing I should advise is to archive the references. If this is too big a job to handle all at once, you can do it in stages, but as long as it happens, it will be fine. In addition to this, Ref 6 should use the original url or have its "work" link updated, Ref 22 is technically dead and lacks a site link, and Ref 23 is lacking an accessdate.
  • Still on the subject of references, the reference used in the plot section is inaccessible to people not signed into YouTube due to the mature content. I would remove this. You can add quotes from the game if you want, but it is quite possible to have the game as its own reference.
• A general point is the fact that, despite its obvious status as an alternate version of Rome to people who know Roman history, this is only mentioned in the development section. I think it should be mentioned in the league and plot section if possible.
• "During the game's development, the team worried that the game may be too tiring for players to play, and that Kinect may not able to detect players' movements accurately, leading to frustration." - Too many "play" words for comfort.
• "A concept called "mashing to mastery" was introduced in Ryse, in which the game's combat was designed to be accessible for both new players and players who are new to the genre, and be challenge when players wanted to master the game." - This sentance scans rather poorly. I think it needs a rewrite.
• "These execution sequences feature quick-time events, as the team at Crytek hoped that it would make these scene more rewarding to players, as well as allowing the flow of combat to continue." - It's been several sentences since the Executions were last mentioned. The "These" at the beginning of the sentence indicate a more recent mention. This needs fixing in some way. I'll leave exactly how up to you.
• "The game's director of cinematic..." - I think "director of cinematics" or "cinematic director" would work better.
• I suggest that the reception infobox Metacritic scores should be in order of version released rather than higher score.

• "The game's multiplayer portion's reception is also not well received." - The grammer here is highly questionable. Please attend to this.
• "Ryse: Son of Rome was specifically listed in the FTC document as being one of the titles to receive fake reviews, and price quotes for these reviews range between $15,000 and $30,000." - "Ryse: Son of Rome" should be italized.
• "Ryse 2 was cancelled because of a conflict between Crytek and Microsoft over who would own the rights to the franchise. In exchange for funding Ryse 2‍ '​s development, Microsoft wanted to take over the Ryse intellectual property. Crytek would not agree to these terms, so the project was cancelled.[64] Cevat Yerli, however, denied this in an interview with Eurogamer, adding that the relationship between Microsoft and Crytek remained strong and positive.[24]" - Nothing intrinsically wrong with this piece, but the way it's phrased doesn't specify what Yerli denied in a clear fashion. Since it seems to be referring to the reported conflict between CryTek and Microsoft (but I could be misinterpreting), I think you should clarify that in the third sentence.

That's what jumped out at me. I'll have a second look over once the points above are addressed. --ProtoDrake (talk) 18:42, 12 September 2015 (UTC)

@ProtoDrake: Thank you very much for the in-depth review! I think I have addressed all the issues you have raised. AdrianGamer (talk) 07:46, 13 September 2015 (UTC)

@AdrianGamer: I've given it a second look, and I see no outstanding reason why this shouldn't be held back. I rate this article as a Pass . --ProtoDrake (talk) 07:54, 13 September 2015 (UTC)

Thank you very much! AdrianGamer (talk) 07:56, 13 September 2015 (UTC)

@ProtoDrake: If you use "these", the verb must be in the plural: you wrote "the use of 'these' indicate..." and it should have been "the use of 'these' indicates...", with a final "s", since "the use of 'these'" can be substituted for the pronoun "it" and we (or at least those of us who, like me, have a great knowledge of English grammar) know that if the pronoun is "he", "she" or "it" the verb which comes after it takes a final "s" (or "es" in cases like "does", "goes", "watches" and so on.) --Fandelasketchup (talk) 14:56, 12 May 2019 (UTC)

@Fandelasketchup: Apologies for the errors in my grammar checking. --ProtoDrake (talk) 16:29, 12 May 2019 (UTC)