This article is within the scope of WikiProject Poetry, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of poetry on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the discussion and see a list of open tasks.PoetryWikipedia:WikiProject PoetryTemplate:WikiProject PoetryPoetry articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Iran, an attempt to build a comprehensive and detailed guide to articles related to Iran on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please join the project where you can contribute to the discussions and help with our open tasks.IranWikipedia:WikiProject IranTemplate:WikiProject IranIran articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Persian literature, a project which is currently considered to be inactive.Persian literatureWikipedia:WikiProject Persian literatureTemplate:WikiProject Persian literaturePersian literature articles
Latest comment: 3 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
I have reverted the alterations recently made, for various reasons.
(1) "Chest" or "breast"? In poetry, "breast" is appropriate, e.g. "With new-fledged hope still fluttering in his breast" (Wordsworth); "The tall tree's shadow sleeps upon his breast" (Coleridge) – "chest" would sound wrong in these lines.
(2) "a cup of wine" for "a cup" / "rest for a moment" for "rest a moment" / "seeks for a remedy" for "seeks a remedy" / "while having your pain" for "having your pain". There is no need to add the extra words, I believe: it doesn't improve the English and it spoils the rhythm in some cases.
(3) "the conditions of these times" for "these conditions": it is possible that Hafez is being deliberately ambiguous here, so the original should be left.
(4) "beautiful candle(lover)" for "candle of Chegel": the meaning of Chegel is explained later in the article, so there is no need to paraphrase it; it should be left as it is.
(5) "make Humnity (sic) anew" for "make Adam anew": "Humanity" is not objectionable, but since in other poems (e.g. Dūš dīdam ke malā'ek) Hafez writes literally of the creation of Adam, which was an important Sufi image, I believe it should be kept as it is. Kanjuzi (talk) 11:55, 14 December 2020 (UTC)Reply
