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"served in the Training Squadron in 1891, as a torpedo boat flotilla leader": no comma
"form": from
"used as a firing platform for torpedo training. She was used in this capacity until she was broken up for scrap": used as a firing platform for torpedo training until she was broken up for scrap
Otherwise:
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
Thanks, Dan - you know, the comma overuse thing used to be a hallmark of my bad writing, but I thought I had kicked that particular habit long ago. Guess not as completely as I thought, at any rate. Parsecboy (talk) 16:56, 26 June 2013 (UTC)Reply
I've always felt a little uncomfortable in my role as reviewer; I know it's much easier for prose reviewers to see these things than for people who are trying to get everything else right, and I hope writers don't feel like I'm shaming them ... but I suspect that happens. I don't think you have anything to worry about with your writing. - Dank (push to talk) 18:14, 26 June 2013 (UTC)Reply