Talk:Sacred dance/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 16:52, 6 May 2020 (UTC)

I somehow missed this one.. in the queue since five months now. Thought of helping out :) Sainsf · (How ya doin'?) 16:52, 6 May 2020 (UTC)

Thank you! Chiswick Chap (talk) 17:38, 6 May 2020 (UTC)

• No dablinks or copyvio issues

Noted.

• Two duplinks: circle dance and Findhorn Foundation

Gone.

• Sourcing and citations look good. Ref 20 could do better in details

Formatted.

• External links: [1] this is forbidden

Gone.

• Images:

• The first image of Bharatanatyam is a bit unclear. May be replace it with this one [2], it is an FP and much clearer.

Done.

• The Whirling Dervishes pic led me to think may be we should use at least one video in these dance articles, especially where the pics are this hazy.Or we can go for this pic [3], I think the movement is much clearer in this one.

I prefer the existing one here, both for the movement blur which strongly suggests the whirling, and for the plain background which looks much less like a tourist show.

Prose and coverage

• with strictly formalized styles such as bharatanatyam Bharatanatyam always starts with "B"

Fixed.

• most important being to honour the supernatural powers I wonder if we should use "the" here, sounds like there are a few particular powers we are talking about. Removing it sounds more natural to me. The later "the"s are justified though, it is just the first mention.

Done.

• such as with the Greek[2] goddesses the ref looks a bit weird put in the middle of a line, would look proper after the semicolon at least.

Done.

• Demeter and Persephone I am a bit unsure why we are naming these two in particular here. Are they cited as examples of supernatural powers, or does the Greek culture have sacred dances especially for these deities? The context could be clarified.

Done.

• Is ecstatic dance considered a type of sacred dance? Within religion, ecstatic dance is one of the ways in which religious ecstasy is produced Maybe add this here for clarity?

Rather, ecstatic dance is sometimes sacred, and in this context of course the text is referring to a sacred dance. Reworded.

• "Ariadne's Dance" is unclear, moreover a simple Google search does not give one its exact meaning. We should link Ariadne at least and explain what this is in a few words, at least in what culture if the aim is to grow crops as written earlier in the line.

glossed and linked.

• "as with the Israelites circling the altar, or the Sarawak Kayans circling a sacrificial pig" I like this way of description, it leaves no questions in my mind as a reader. We should try to do the same for the other examples given, and it would be great if we could add more. Also, can Kayan be linked?

Done.

• Introduce Harriet Lihs, Laura Shannon, Lewis Farnell and Anna Barton.

Done.

• Does "serpent dance in India" refer to Paampu attam? Not clear at first so should be linked.

Done.

• Link Sufism

Done.

• Link Hebrews (Ancient times)

Done.

• "c. 1200 BC" better use Template:Circa

Done.

• as in the 2nd Century Small "C", also is it AD or BC?

Done.

• pan-Hindu Epics I think it should be "epics"

Done.

• Link Vedic literature

Done.

• ecstatic[31] Sufi whirling Similar slightly weird placement of a ref

Moved. People get funny about adjectives so I shan't be surprised if we have to put it back.

• {{tq|use of themes from the bible} "Bible"

Done.

• The mystic and spiritual teacher George Gurdjieff (d. 1949) The only place we are mentioning a death year.

Gone.

• the work of self observation and self study Why the italics?

Gone.

• Good job on coverage. This is a really broad topic but I did not feel any major area lacking :)

Thank you very much!

That should be it. Another excellent article! Sainsf · (How ya doin'?) 01:55, 8 May 2020 (UTC)

This must be my quickest review wrapped up in a few "done"s and "gone"s. Thanks for this lovely article, promoted! Sainsf · (How ya doin'?) 09:16, 8 May 2020 (UTC)