Talk:Sadjarwo Djarwonagoro/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk · contribs) 16:38, 10 June 2020 (UTC)

Hi Jeromi Mikhael. I'll be reviewing your GA nomination. I'll have a read through and make suggestions in order to ensure it's a GA. Thanks! SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 16:38, 10 June 2020 (UTC)

Intro

• From first glance, the intro is way too short. It should be used to summarise who he was and what he did. It should also summarise key events in his life. Check out Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Lead section for some tips. An example of a good lead is here - Sirimavo Bandaranaike.

Early life

• Quite concise, but helpful. Are there any possible images of him/his family in early life that could be added?
• I suggest removing 'He was born as the son of Djajengwirojo'. Unless there's more background surrounding this, the first name should probably be omitted.

Please elaborate? Which first name?--Jeromi Mikhael (talk) 02:17, 13 June 2020 (UTC)

I'm referring to he was 'son of Djajengwirojo'. The reader doesn't know who that is. Also possibly remove this (his father) from the infobox, as it is not notable.

I also suggest removing 'Mr' in the heading, as well as 'he was born into an aristocratic family'. This doesn't seem to have been mention.

Career

• Possibly rename to 'early activism'?

During the Indonesian National Revolution

• It would be great if there was more info on this. Could there be some detail on what the Indonesian National Revolution was?
• It also talks about 'after his resignation' here, but nothing about his resignation before. It may be worth adding that into the prior section.

Family

• It may be worth rewording this section. It doesn't come out completely right.

Images

• These are good overall. Are there any more images of him in action?

Citation

• I think some more sources are needed too. There are some uncited statements. It would be worth checking through this.

Overall

• There's quite a lot of stuff to do here, currently the article wouldn't be a GA. If we can get the above done, the article should be at GA, or at least very near! Best, SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 13:45, 12 June 2020 (UTC)
  • Another thing to note is that it might be best to remove the current prefix. I think his initials have been put in the place of prefix.

@SerAntoniDeMiloni: Elaborate? What prefix/initials?--Jeromi Mikhael (talk) 02:13, 13 June 2020 (UTC)

Mr. KPH

@SerAntoniDeMiloni: Mr. = meester in de rechten; KPH = Kanjeng Pangeran Haryo (nobility title)--Jeromi Mikhael (talk) 05:37, 14 June 2020 (UTC)

There are also some sentences that don't work perfectly in English. I suggest you re-read the article to find these; If you can't, either go to an English WikiProject or I can try helping with some. SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 08:47, 20 June 2020 (UTC)

Hold

Hi Jeromi Mikhael. I'll put this on hold while you respond to all the above comments. Best, SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 08:47, 20 June 2020 (UTC)

@SerAntoniDeMiloni: I've done some of them, can you review it?--Jeromi Mikhael (talk) 09:05, 20 June 2020 (UTC)

@Jeromi Mikhael: It's come a long way, but would currently be a fail. There should likely be a larger variety of references for the page; they don't need to include reference to him, but should reference the event. There are also some problems with the wording of certain sentences. I'll try and have a look through them to correct. The above should be done to comply with the GA Instruction. Thanks, SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 09:48, 20 June 2020 (UTC)

The article at the moment needs copy editing for English. You could try speaking to someone at WP:GOCE?

Fail

• Unfortunately I'm going to have to fail this one. I haven't heard back over the 7 day hold period. There are also some significant changes that have to be made in terms of the citations and wording. I suggest you focus on what has been said above, possibly try a peer-review and then resubmit. Best, SerAntoniDeMiloni (talk) 11:41, 6 July 2020 (UTC)

Assessment

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail: