This article was copy edited by a member of the Guild of Copy Editors.Guild of Copy EditorsWikipedia:WikiProject Guild of Copy EditorsTemplate:WikiProject Guild of Copy EditorsGuild of Copy Editors articles
Previous copyedits:
/
This article was copy edited by Reidgreg on 2 February 2019.
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Songs, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of songs on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the discussion and see a list of open tasks.SongsWikipedia:WikiProject SongsTemplate:WikiProject Songssong articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Canada, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of Canada on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the discussion and see a list of open tasks.CanadaWikipedia:WikiProject CanadaTemplate:WikiProject CanadaCanada-related articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Television, a collaborative effort to develop and improve Wikipedia articles about television programs. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page where you can join the discussion.
To improve this article, please refer to the style guidelines for the type of work.TelevisionWikipedia:WikiProject TelevisionTemplate:WikiProject Televisiontelevision articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject United States, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of topics relating to the United States of America on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the ongoing discussions.
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Pop music, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of articles related to pop music on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the discussion and see a list of open tasks.Pop musicWikipedia:WikiProject Pop musicTemplate:WikiProject Pop musicPop music articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Comedy, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of comedy on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the discussion and see a list of open tasks.ComedyWikipedia:WikiProject ComedyTemplate:WikiProject ComedyComedy articles
Latest comment: 5 years ago11 comments2 people in discussion
@Damian Vo: Nice to see another Robin Sparkles article; I was able to rewatch the episode but not the video. Here are some notes on my copy edit. Free free to revert anything you disagree about.
offered him a role in the episode on the phone. Is it unusual to offer a role like this by telephone? I think maybe strike on the phone, or explain why that's important. Or you could state where Malins had worked with Van Der Beek before.
agreed to play Simon, Robin's love interest. Since this is in the context of the song, I changed Robin → Sparkles, though I understand there's overlap, that he was Scherbatsy's summer boyfriend and Sparkles' boyfriend in the video. Hmmm. Would "Robin's former love interest" be any better?
The creators asked Tiffany to join the show after studying her videos on YouTube, which she accepted. Could rephrase this as: After studying her videos on YouTube, the creators asked Tiffany to join the show and she accepted. However, it's already stated that she confirmed/accepted the role so maybe it's simpler to just strike the last part of that sentence, keeping: The creators [had] asked Tiffany to join the show after studying her videos on YouTube.
while her father is sitting in a reclining chair behind her I watched the episode and he's sitting in a wingback chair. It's possible that the video has a different edit than the episode (see next bullet). I found some close paraphrasing in the sentence and rephrased, also removing "reclining".
Sparkles and her father are surrounded by three sandcastles, one of them have a small Canadian flag on top I only saw the one sandcastle in the episode. Parts of the video are shown for about 2 minutes of the episode, while cutting to Robin and Barney watching it, so if the full video is 3:33 or 4 minutes then there's definitely more to it.
Many black-and-white interspersed scenes of Sparkles and Simon frolicking on the beach are shown. It was earlier mentioned that they just managed to finish shooting before the sun set. It would be interesting to note, if it can be sourced, if the black and white scenes were the last shot and if they were put in black and white rather than applying colour correction from low-light and sunset hues. (I'm just guessing at this; it may have been scripted that they be in black and white from the onset.)
but found that the pre-Funny or Die video was "more than make up" for the song. is it important/relevant to mention Funny or Die here? It seems like the source is talking about Van Der Beek in relation to Funny or Die. There was a bit of close paraphrasing so I rephrased and summarized, removing the Funny or Die bit.
"Aftermath" sounds a bit ominous as a section header. Consider if there might be a more suitable heading like Effects, Aftereffects, Influences, Later appearances, etc.
@Damian Vo: You're welcome! I felt that the last paragraph of Music video needed a little more cohesion. I tried to reorder so it built more of an overall picture, adding a little bit of general information which anyone can see from watching the episode. Feel free to revert in whole or in part. Again, I have not seen the full four-minute video and might not have things quite right. The article looks GA-ready to me, feel free to ping me when it's up for review. – Reidgreg (talk) 16:49, 3 February 2019 (UTC)Reply
