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Talk:Seattle SuperSonics relocation to Oklahoma City/GA1

< Talk:Seattle SuperSonics relocation to Oklahoma City
Latest comment: 16 years ago by SRX in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 16 years ago12 comments2 people in discussion
GA Review by SRX
Lead
  • The team announced in July 2008 that it will play under a new name at Oklahoma City beginning in the 2008-2009 basketball season, effectively leaving the city of Seattle. - because this will occur in the future, replace "will" with "would."
Sale of team
  • After failing to reach a deal by the end of the legislative session, Bennett gave up his attempt in April 2007[7] and on November 2, 2007, said that the team would move to Oklahoma City as soon as it could get free of its Key Arena lease. - cut this sentence after April 2007. Start the new sentence with On November 2, 2007, the team announced that the team would move to Oklahoma City after their lease with Key Arena expired.
  • Seattle's mayor, Greg Nickels, replied that the Sonics were expected to stay in Seattle until their lease expired in 2010, but that the city remained open to expanding KeyArena. - he replied to what? Is there a source for this statement or is it verified with ref [10]?
  • On August 13, 2007, Aubrey McClendon, a minor partner of the ownership group, said in an interview that the team was not purchased to keep it in Seattle but to bring it to Oklahoma City. - who's ownership group? (needs to be elaborated). Poor word choice, instead of "to bring it to Oklahoma City", use "relocate it to Oklahoma City.
Relocation effort
  • Since the lease does not allow for arbitration on the issue of occupancy, the City of Seattle filed on September 24 for declaratory relief in King County Superior court requesting that the court issue a judgment enforcing the Specific Performance Clause, rejecting the arbitration request, and the awarding of legal fees as spelled out in the agreement. - 1) rephrase to ... the City of Seattle filed for declaratory relief on September 24 in King County Superior court. They requested that the court issue a ........ This sentence was too long and needed to be split and rephrased.
  • On October 29, The US District Court Judge Ricardo Martinez denied the request for arbitration, saying that the "arguments ignore the clear language of Article II which states that PBC’s use and occupancy rights with respect to the Premises and the Term of this Agreement shall end on September 30, 2010.” - US needs to be spelled out completely and a comma should be before "Ricardo" and after "Martinez.
  • October 31, 2007 deadline passed for public financing of a new arena, he informed NBA commissioner David Stern on November 2 that the ownership group intended to move the Sonics to Oklahoma City once the team was free of its KeyArena lease. - reword, once the the team's KeyArena lease expired. Instances like so are POV.
  • Well, Bennett did not say "when the lease expired", but "we intend to relocate the Sonics to Oklahoma City if we succeed in the pending litigation with the city, or are able to negotiate an early lease termination, or at the end of the lease term." Thus, I reworded it to "as soon as it was legally possible." There's really no need to mention the KeyArena lease here, as it that is clearly explained in previous sentences. Okiefromokla questions?
  • The timing of the announcement, five months before the deadline to file and at the start of the NBA season, drew critical comments from Tom Carr, Seattle's attorney, who said "Mr. Bennett's announcement today is a transparent attempt to alienate the Seattle fan base and follow through on his plan to move the team to Oklahoma City ... Making this move now continues the current ownership's insulting behavior toward the Sonics' dedicated fans and the citizens of the city." - deadline to file what?
  • However, when the state legislature did not give approval for the county to provide funds by an April 10 deadline, Seattle mayor Greg Nickles said that the effort had failed and the city's hopes rested in its lawsuit.[19] - commas are needed before and after Greg Nickles.
  • In this case, the term "Seattle mayor" is being used as a title, or like an adjective to describe Nickles, so commas aren't needed. If it said "Seattle's mayor," then commas would be needed. I did, however, capitalize "Mayor" per its use as a descriptive title in that instance. Okiefromokla questions? 15:34, 26 July 2008 (UTC)Reply
Oklahoma City's preparations
  • On March 14, Bennett reached a preliminary agreement with Oklahoma City on a 15-year lease of the Ford Center[23] which was finalized by the Oklahoma City Council and Sonics’ ownership two weeks later. - I'm pretty sure it's "ownership group" right?
  • NBA owners gave approval of a potential Seattle SuperSonics' relocation to Oklahoma City on April 18 in a 28-2 vote by the league's Board of Governors, with only Mark Cuban of the Dallas Mavericks and Paul Allen of the Portland Trail Blazers voting against the move. - this should be in past tense, so "voting --> voted".
City of Seattle v. Professional Basketball Club LLC
  • On April 28, the trial's presiding judge ruled that the NBA must supply the internal documents about the possible relocation of the Sonics that the city of Seattle had requested. - why is city not capitalized?
  • The judge is referred to as a female, but her name is never revealed. Is her name available?
Basketball Club of Seattle LLC et al v. Professional Basketball Club LLC
  • What does the "et al" mean in the section heading?
  • Bennett said the emails were misinterpreted and that he has spent millions of dollars in attempting to keep the team in Seattle - has ---> had
  • and legal experts contacted by the Seattle Post-Intelligencer prior to details of the suit were known said Schultz's lawsuit was highly unlikely to succeed. - this should be split from the original sentence into a new one. Also, this is confusing, either commas need to be added to the end of the sentence to understand the meaning of the sentence, or it needs to be elaborated. As I have no clue what is mean here.

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

  1. Is it reasonably well written?
    A. Prose quality:  
    B. MoS compliance:  
  2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
    A. References to sources:  
    B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:  
    C. No original research:  
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. Major aspects:  
    B. Focused:  
  4. Is it neutral?
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. Is it stable?
    No edit wars, etc:  
  6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
    A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:  
    B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:  
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:  
    Good article, though many prose issues, especially tenses. Examples "are", "is", need to be converted to "were or was." That is one of the main issues that need to be addressed other than the comments above. I will place this article on hold so that it may be improved.SRX 19:04, 25 July 2008 (UTC)Reply
Thanks! Good review. I'll have these problems fixed in a day or two. I noticed you failed the article on neutrality, so would a little fan reaction from Seattle help smooth things out in that area? If you noticed something else, could you point out an example? Would be a big help. Thanks again. Okiefromokla questions? 19:22, 25 July 2008 (UTC)Reply

Alright, I believe I've addressed the issues raised. s you can see, I added explanation of changes to a few the points above. The rest are taken care of. Okiefromokla questions? 15:34, 26 July 2008 (UTC)Reply

Great! One more thing, change the instances of Key Arena to KeyArena (as that is it's proper name).--SRX 03:23, 27 July 2008 (UTC)Reply
Done. Okiefromokla questions? 03:26, 27 July 2008 (UTC)Reply
Great work.   Pass--SRX 03:42, 27 July 2008 (UTC)Reply
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