Talk:Shabana Mahmood/GA1
Latest comment: 1 month ago by Edwininlondon in topic GA Review
GA Review
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Nominator: BennyOnTheLoose (talk · contribs) 16:39, 24 April 2024 (UTC)
Reviewer: Edwininlondon (talk · contribs) 15:10, 26 August 2024 (UTC)
I'm happy to review this. Edwininlondon (talk) 15:10, 26 August 2024 (UTC)
@BennyOnTheLoose: This fine article seems to almost meet the GA criteria. Just a few source issues to resolve. References 4abc, 5, 10, 57, 60 are a self-published source, so we have to be careful WP:ABOUTSELF:
- 4a and 5 seem innocent enough, but since we have 6, I would simply remove them.
- 4b says something about other people, so seems to be about third party people, although parents are really second party I guess. Better to replace with another source per WP:ABOUTSELF, or remove content.
- 4c it seems, could be replaced by 7, in combination with 8
- 10: do we need it, as there are 3 other refs here?
- 57: should be fine
- 60: this one feels too much supporting a claim about 3rd parties.
Spotcheck:
- 61 59 54 46 31 19 all check out fine
Further comments:
- opening sentence does not need a source
- Between 2010 and 2024 she held various shadow cabinet--> because shadow is not a well-known concept outside of the UK, perhaps we could help the reader a bit by saying: Between 2010 and 2024, while the Labour Party was the Official Opposition, she held various shadow cabinet
- constituency Labour Party (CLP) --> a bit odd to have an acronym but have the first word not capitalised
- Mahmood served in a number of front bench positions under Ed Miliband's leadership, including Shadow --> as above, perhaps help the reader not familiar with details of shadow + I would add Labour lost
- In October 2015, --> could this sentence be integrated into the previous paragraph, put in chronological order, and maybe even start it with "The following month .." as to decrease the repetition of "In x 201y "
- second female Lord Chancellor --> would be good to add who was the first
- On 12 July, --> Could this be merged with the first paragraph, and then simply say "A week later"
- outside a branch of Sainsbury’s --> which town/city?
- A report in the Jewish Chronicle says that --> present tense? next sentence is past tense again.
- ref 23 needs a work= or publisher
- the infobox has Majority 3,421 (9.3%) but the text a decreased share of 42.5%
- Looks like the 9.3% is the majority (3,421) as a percentage of the total votes cast. I couldn't see details on the template intructions so will look around to see if this is the right info to be displayed. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 22:50, 30 August 2024 (UTC)
- Seems like that is it. See, for example, Birmingham_Ladywood_(UK_Parliament_constituency) and Rishi Sunak. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 11:27, 1 September 2024 (UTC)
- it would be good to address somewhere the reason why her majority decreased so much
- She has spoken publicly about the recent riots, so perhaps something worth adding
That is all I could see. Edwininlondon (talk) 12:35, 29 August 2024 (UTC)
- Many thanks, Edwininlondon. I'll go through your comments and also do my own review of changes since I nominated the article, which was before the 2024 election. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 13:00, 29 August 2024 (UTC)
- Edwininlondon I've now responded to all of your points. Please let me know if anything else is required. Thank you. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 11:27, 1 September 2024 (UTC)
- All fine. I made some minor edits, but this article now meets the GA criteria. I will promote. I will soon review another GAN of yours, Felicity Kendal. But perhaps you want to have a look at it yourself first, as it has been quite a few months since you nominated it. Edwininlondon (talk) 19:43, 4 September 2024 (UTC)