Talk:Shabana Mahmood/GA1

Latest comment: 1 month ago by Edwininlondon in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Nominator: BennyOnTheLoose (talk · contribs) 16:39, 24 April 2024 (UTC)Reply

Reviewer: Edwininlondon (talk · contribs) 15:10, 26 August 2024 (UTC)Reply

I'm happy to review this. Edwininlondon (talk) 15:10, 26 August 2024 (UTC)Reply

@BennyOnTheLoose: This fine article seems to almost meet the GA criteria. Just a few source issues to resolve. References 4abc, 5, 10, 57, 60 are a self-published source, so we have to be careful WP:ABOUTSELF:

  • 4a and 5 seem innocent enough, but since we have 6, I would simply remove them.
  • 4b says something about other people, so seems to be about third party people, although parents are really second party I guess. Better to replace with another source per WP:ABOUTSELF, or remove content.
  • 4c it seems, could be replaced by 7, in combination with 8
  • 10: do we need it, as there are 3 other refs here?
  • 57: should be fine
  • 60: this one feels too much supporting a claim about 3rd parties.

Spotcheck:

  • 61 59 54 46 31 19 all check out fine

Further comments:

  • opening sentence does not need a source
  • Between 2010 and 2024 she held various shadow cabinet--> because shadow is not a well-known concept outside of the UK, perhaps we could help the reader a bit by saying: Between 2010 and 2024, while the Labour Party was the Official Opposition, she held various shadow cabinet
  • constituency Labour Party (CLP) --> a bit odd to have an acronym but have the first word not capitalised
  • Mahmood served in a number of front bench positions under Ed Miliband's leadership, including Shadow --> as above, perhaps help the reader not familiar with details of shadow + I would add Labour lost
  • In October 2015, --> could this sentence be integrated into the previous paragraph, put in chronological order, and maybe even start it with "The following month .." as to decrease the repetition of "In x 201y "
  • second female Lord Chancellor --> would be good to add who was the first
  • On 12 July, --> Could this be merged with the first paragraph, and then simply say "A week later"
  • outside a branch of Sainsbury’s --> which town/city?
  • A report in the Jewish Chronicle says that --> present tense? next sentence is past tense again.
  • ref 23 needs a work= or publisher
  • the infobox has Majority 3,421 (9.3%) but the text a decreased share of 42.5%
  • it would be good to address somewhere the reason why her majority decreased so much
  • She has spoken publicly about the recent riots, so perhaps something worth adding

That is all I could see. Edwininlondon (talk) 12:35, 29 August 2024 (UTC)Reply

Many thanks, Edwininlondon. I'll go through your comments and also do my own review of changes since I nominated the article, which was before the 2024 election. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 13:00, 29 August 2024 (UTC)Reply
Edwininlondon I've now responded to all of your points. Please let me know if anything else is required. Thank you. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 11:27, 1 September 2024 (UTC)Reply
All fine. I made some minor edits, but this article now meets the GA criteria. I will promote. I will soon review another GAN of yours, Felicity Kendal. But perhaps you want to have a look at it yourself first, as it has been quite a few months since you nominated it. Edwininlondon (talk) 19:43, 4 September 2024 (UTC)Reply