Talk:Shannon Leto/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 02:18, 24 October 2014 (UTC)

Here is how this article currently compares against the GA criteria:

• Is it well-written?: Decent, but needs some improvements:

• In the opening sentence of the lead, it would be best to simply describe Leto as a drummer and songwriter.

• He is currently described as a musician and songwriter.

• Since the lead mentions that Thirty Seconds to Mars has sold over 10 million albums worldwide, this should also be included in the body.

• WP:MOSLEAD doesn't explicitly say every single piece in the lead should go in the body, merely a general summary (overall sales) should be expanded in the body (individual sales). I would keep the total sales in the lead since there isn't a suitable place in the article's body.

• Fair enough, though they should most certainly be mentioned in the band's article body Snuggums (talk / edits) 06:21, 25 October 2014 (UTC)

• Including the names of Leto's father, half-brothers, and step-father would be helpful.

• Yes, it would be helpful, but these names have never be revealed. On the Internet there are some speculations but nothing reliable.

• Understood Snuggums (talk / edits) 06:21, 25 October 2014 (UTC)

• If possible, I'd mention which specific drugs he took.

• I didn't find anything about this.

• "Ultimately, he got away from his debauched lifestyle with the help of his brother, and the creative focus became his salvation"..... something about this phrasing doesn't seem very encyclopedic

• Could you be more specific? I'm not a native English speaker and I would appreciate more clear and definite comments about the prose.

• I couldn't think of a good way to phrase it when first reviewing the article. Try simply saying that Jared helped him recover. Snuggums (talk / edits) 06:21, 25 October 2014 (UTC)

• Done.

• "Their debut album had been in the works for a couple of years, and led to a number of record labels being interested in signing Thirty Seconds to Mars, which eventually signed to Immortal Records"..... kinda lengthy. It would be better to give a range for when the album's production began, and then mention the signing with Immortal Records

• Done.

• Guinness World Records should be italicized in this instance as it refers to the book

• Done.

• Is it verifiable?: Two references (FN11 and FN27) have loading errors, but I'm not sure they're reliable to begin with. FN's 3, 12, 20, and 25 have me skeptical. While non-English sources aren't necessarily bad, it might help to find an English edition of FN28. Also, "The band heavily toured in support of the album and played at several major festivals, including Roskilde, Pinkpop, Rock am Ring, and Download" needs a citation.

• I've added archives for FN's 11 and 27, which both are reliable; The Gazette is a newspaper published by the University Students' Council, while abeautifullie.org is an official website launched by Thirty Seconds to Mars. I've replaced FN3 (The Huffington Post) with Digital Journal (which has new worldwide sales data). I've removed the link for FN12 (copyright violation). FN20 (Infamous Souls; former independent webzine) consists of an interview with Leto. FN25 is another independent online magazine. I've replaced FN28 with FN25 (What's On Kyiv). I've added a source by AllMusic for that unreferenced sentence.

• Well done Snuggums (talk / edits) 06:21, 25 October 2014 (UTC)

• Is it broad in coverage?: In "Early life", a quote or two from Leto and/or his family about his drug use would be beneficial, as well as how Jared helped him recover. In "artistry", it would be beneficial to add some information on genres, themes, what critics say of his musical style, and maybe more commentary from Leto himself on his music and influences. In "Other works", it wouldn't hurt to name his roles in the listed movies and TV series, and list them in a "filmography" section.

• I've added something to "Early life", but I didn't find so much useful material. I've greatly expanded "Artistry", adding more commentary from Leto on his music and influences, as well as some quotes by critics and producers, including the awards and nominations he received. I didn't created a filmography section since he just made some little appearances and uncredited cameos (In Highway, he is credited as Kid #2).

• Is it neutral?: All fine here
• Is it stable?: No concerns
• Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?: all three images are relevant and have appropriate licensing, but his face is somewhat hard to see in them. See what other free images are available that give clear views of face.

• I've changed the one in the infobox with an image that gives a better clear view of face.

The article isn't quite up to par with GA standards yet, but has potential to do so. I'm placing this on hold for seven days.

• Earthh you've done well so far. Just remember to address the issues with coverage and images by October 31st. Snuggums (talk / edits) 06:21, 25 October 2014 (UTC)

• SNUGGUMS, please look at my responses to your points and let me know if you have any further concerns. Thanks, Earthh (talk) 22:04, 27 October 2014 (UTC)

• I'm quite impressed! Only did a bit of copyediting, and am now happy to pass- great work improving the article :)!! Snuggums (talk / edits) 23:44, 27 October 2014 (UTC)