Talk:Shia LaBeouf/GA2
Latest comment: 14 years ago by Crystal Clear x3 in topic GA Review
GA Review
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Reviewer: liquidluck✽talk 01:43, 1 April 2010 (UTC) Nice work revamping the article! Let's start with links:
- one disambig link
No dead links(apparently there are, they just didn't show up on toolserver), but several redirects which appear to be easy enough fixes.
I've fixed the redirect links, and I'm currently working on the dead links. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 03:28, 1 April 2010 (UTC)- Done. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 04:37, 1 April 2010 (UTC)
- Possibly unreliable (and/or dead) references. Please either remove/replace them or tell me what makes them reliable:
-
- http://www.dailybulletin.com/entertainment/ci_5611107 (actually, this is dead anyway)
- http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087544/fullcredits#cast (IMDB-not reliable)
- Citation formatting errors:
- http://www.playboy.com/articles/playboy-interview-shia-labeouf/index.html?page=1.html - does not use a citation template
- "Oliver Stone: Greed is legal in 'Wall Street 2'" by Brett Zongker on December 3, 2009. Associated Press (2009). - does not use a citation template
- GQ April 2010. - does not use a citation template
- ref name="DailyBulletin2007" - multiple references use this refname.
- http://www.tcmdb.com/participant.jsp?participantId=1122659 - does not use a citation template
Lead
edit- "In 2005, LaBeouf made his transition from teen roles in The Greatest Game Ever Played." I don't understand what this sentence is saying, and there's no further context in the body. Can you explain?
- "which began in 2004, and subsequently lasted three years" -> which began in 2004 and lasted three years
- "which was caused by the other driver, who had run a red light."
- "LaBeouf was arrested at the scene of the car accident for misdemeanor drunk driving and his driver's license was suspended for one year because he refused a breathalyzer examination."
- Had he actually been drinking, or was his license revoked simply because he refused the test?
- While he was still at the scene of the car accident the police officers that had responded to the crash had smelt alcohol on his breath and when they had asked him for a breathalyzer he refused so his license was suspended simply refusing the test. I've re-worded that section in the arrest section to clear up any confusion. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 04:19, 1 April 2010 (UTC)
- Inconsistency- the last sentence says he made his directing debut in 2009 on a music video, but in the body it says he won an award for directing and co-writing a short film.
- I'd like to see a bit more prose in the second paragraph. Perhaps note his breakthrough roles, and certainly that short film.
Early life
editNice research work here. Just shorten and combine "LaBeouf has also said that his father was "on drugs" during his childhood, being addicted to heroin and placed in drug rehabilitation for heroin addiction, while LaBeouf's mother was "trying to hold down the fort."[4]" In his youth, LaBeouf was subjected to verbal and mental abuse by his heroin-addicted father who once pointed a gun at his son during a Vietnam War flashback.[7]
- I reworded the sentence to "LaBeouf has also said that he was subjected to verbal and mental abuse by his father who once pointed a gun at his son during a Vietnam War flashback,[5] and that his father was "on drugs" during his childhood, being addicted to heroin and placed in drug rehabilitation for heroin addiction, while LaBeouf's mother was "trying to hold down the fort."[3] " Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 11:05, 1 April 2010 (UTC)
Early work
edit- Add a lead in sentence to the stand-up- perhaps about when he started. There's some stuff in the GQ interview.
- Also in that GQ interview is information about his agent, who seems like a significant character in his career. Try adding her in somewhere, though it isn't required for this GAN.
- In the article, it sounds like his dad was his on-set parent for Tru Confessions, but the cite says he was Shia's guardian for Even Stevens. Can you reorder the sentences?
- Also, tell us some more about Shia's pitch (inspired by living with his father in a motel)
- I added some information about his inspiration for Rent A Dad. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 14:38, 1 April 2010 (UTC)
- Coincidentally, I just read a Variety article on child stars. If you ctrl+F and search for Shia, there's a quote by Gary Marsh about how Shia's performance in Tru Confessions gave him the credibility to land roles outside of Disney. It might be useful to add between The Tonight Show and Tru Confessions, since the dad sentence needs to move.
- "this made LaBeouf realize acting could be more than a job." -can you elaborate?
- Beginning in the second half of Early work, LeBeouf's co-stars are often listed alongside him. This isn't necessary unless they have had a significant impact on his career- for example, if he has worked with them on several films as he has with Spielberg and Fox. Please remove excess co-stars.
- "by critics, in which the film garnered 77% Certified Fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes" -> "by critics, garnering a 77% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes" or "by critics, garnering a 77% "Certified Fresh" rating on Rotten Tomatoes"
- Let's Love Hate sentence needs a citation at the end.
- Separate the Greatest Game and Valley of the Wind sentence into two sentences.
- Awards for Bobby needs a citation.
Other work
editYes, I'm skipping ahead, but why is this section separate? Other than the Saturday Night Live gigs (which need citations!), all of the topics in the section (stand-up, directing, agent) are already discussed in career. Why isn't it combined with career?
- Done. I've added references to the SNL appearances and I merged "Other work" into "Career". Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 11:05, 1 April 2010 (UTC)
Result
editPass. I've gone through the rest of the body and, after fixing some grammar and citation formatting errors, believe this article is at GA level—and with a copy-edit, close to FA. Excellet work! liquidluck✽talk 22:23, 1 April 2010 (UTC)