Talk:Shinjuku riot/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Gabriel Yuji (talk · contribs) 15:41, 6 September 2021 (UTC)

The article seems to be well-written and sourced. I'll review it soon. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 15:41, 6 September 2021 (UTC)

My initial commentaries:

• I would recommend using the parameter "|lead=yes" in the Nihongo template.
• I think you should rephrase the second sentence of the article to avoid the repetition of "took place" (i.e. "...that took place on 21 October 1968. The incident took place in the context...").
• Per MOS:LEADCITE it's not necessary to source information that fits the body of the article. That is, you should remove the citations about the "International Anti-War Day," the March on the Pentagon and the tally of activists from the lead. And this information is pretty important to be only in the lead. As you probably now, the lead is like a summary of the rest of the article. You should include these facts somewhere in the body of the article.
• Be consistent with your usage of either "Shinjuku station" or "Shinjuku Station" (including in the infobox). I have no preference, but the referred article uses a capital "S"; also, beware of MOS:DUPLINK since you link it three times without any particular consistency (i.e. in "Background" you don't link it at the first occurence, but at the third instance).
• According to MOS:ENTO, you must use "–" instead of "-" in the "1968-69 Japanese university protests".
• It's not mandatory per MOS:US, but it's probably nice to write "United States" at the first mention (i.e. "U.S.-led war in Vietnam") instead of simply "U.S.".
• Try a synonym for "largerly" in the last sentence ("The riot was largely broken up by the morning of 22 October due to the invocation of the Anti-Riot Law by police, an act that was condoned largely").
• Choose a standard form to present dates; for example, you mostly adopted DMY format (e.g. 21 October 1968 in the lead), but you also use MDY format (August 8, 1967 in "Background"); see MOS:DATEUNIFY.
• Per MOS:BADDATE, you must not use "On the 26th".
• Per MOS:RANGE, you should write "a group of 6–8 thousand activists", not "a group of 6-8 thousand activists"; the same is valid for "an estimated 35-55 thousand" and "around 12-14 thousand".
• I didn't understand this part: "However, they were beaten back by police with water cannons and tear gas, something which the police twisted to create a negative public opinion of the activists"? What's the meaning of "twisted" here? To distort the truth? If yes, could you provide more information on it? How did the police created a negative public opinion of the activists by injuring them? At first, I think it would create a negative opinion on the police who beat pacific(?) protesters.
• MOS:DUPLINK of Beheiren and Sōhyō in the "Background" section.
• What's a "liberated quarter"? Please, provide some context or add a note about it.
• According to MOS:LABEL, you should avoid using "controversial" to describe something as you do in "the police invoked the controversial Anti-Riot Law"; remove it or provide some context.
• The Asahi Shimbun should be written in italics; see: MOS:ITALICTITLE.
• "and in favor the police" is missing an "of" between "favor" and "the".
• About the last sentence of "Aftermath" ("This reinforced the legitimacy of police using force to quell protests, increasing their confidence in using harsher measures against activists, including as mass arrests and assaults on occupied campuses"), is there any examples you could cite to illustrate it?

Roniius, ping me once you do the required changes or in case of any disagreement, doubts, replies, etc. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 17:28, 6 September 2021 (UTC)

@Gabriel Yuji: I think I've addressed all your concerns. Roniius^{talk to me} 06:07, 7 September 2021 (UTC)

Excellent, @Roniius:. Sorry for the late reply. The article is ok to be a GA, as I just moved some information to the body in consonance with my third point (that you agreed with). Maybe you could add any information on the trial of the protesters. The Japanese article seems to have some information in the section "裁判" (trial), although I cannot precise how useful is the information since I only understand it through Google Translator. But maybe even if it's useless you can find some information about the trial in the sources you already researched in. Anyway, this addition is kind of optional, but certainly would be required if this was a Featured Article Reviews—which is not the case, so I'll simply pass it by now. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 02:40, 13 September 2021 (UTC)