Talk:Sora (Kingdom Hearts)/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: Khazar2 (talk · contribs) 12:27, 9 November 2013 (UTC)

Hey Judge, I'll be glad to take this one. Thanks in advance for your work on it. -- Khazar2 (talk) 12:27, 9 November 2013 (UTC)

My first impression is that this is a fairly strong nomination, with good sourcing and what seems at first glance to be thorough coverage. The main thing holding this article back for now is the prose; there's a lot of awkward sentences, which isn't necessarily a problem for GA, but there's also some sentences that need clarification or simply don't make sense to me. A few examples:

• "wanted to emphasize the importance of him despite being an ordinary boy" -- I'm not sure what this means
• "mainly positive critical response due to his personality and role in the series" -- this is rather vague--could you add just a word or two about what the critics praised in about his personality, or his role in the series?
• " From all of the characters he has designed, Nomura comments that Sora is his favorite having encountered him many times and finding him as "special"" -- I'm not sure I understand this. What does it mean to say Nomura "encountered" Sora? Isn't Nomura Sora's designer?

I know the nominator of this one hasn't been active for a while, so I'll put this on hold for now; I'd hoped it'd be an easy pass, but it does look like there will be work to do here. If the nominator returns, or if anyone else is interested in collaborating on this one, I'll be glad to continue with my comments. Thanks to everybody who's already worked on this one! -- Khazar2 (talk) 12:28, 10 November 2013 (UTC)

Should another person not step in or the nominator return, I will happily take over the nomination. I do ask for a little bit of leeway as far as time concerns, I am in the final leg of my Honours thesis for my university degree and finalising the culmination of five years of education. It is due by November 29th, as such I request to the end of the month to address your issues. Within the few days after I'll try my best to address your concerns. This is all assuming that no one else steps in to take over the nomination. I know this is unusual and that you usually close within a week if the original nominator doesn't return, but I'd hate to see the article fail cause no one fixed the small issues it may contain. I'm ready and willing, just lacking on time in the near future. --Lightlowemon (talk) 12:49, 13 November 2013 (UTC)

Hey, that'd be great. I'm in no particular rush. I'll post full comments some time this week, and give you up to a month to answer them. Thanks very much for stepping in. -- Khazar2 (talk) 12:52, 13 November 2013 (UTC)

Thank you very much for giving me the chance, I've just saved Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days, but it's crunch time and as much as I'd like to take care of things now, my time is limited. --Lightlowemon (talk) 12:59, 13 November 2013 (UTC)

Of course. If this needs to wait until after your thesis, that's not a problem. -- Khazar2 (talk) 13:01, 13 November 2013 (UTC)

Initial comments

• " Nomura came to regard Sora as his favorite character that he had designed, and wanted to emphasize the importance of him despite being an ordinary boy." -- I'm not sure what the second part of this sentence means.
• "due to his personality and role in the series" -- a little vague; of course he has a personality and a role in the series, so it would be better to say what about these the critics liked.
• "the Kingdom Key (キングダムチェーン Kingudamu Chēn?, Kingdom Chain)" -- this is confusing-- am I understanding right that here the English is being translated to Japanese and then back into English? Or is "Kingdom Chain" a more literal translation? Since the Japanese text will be relevant to very few readers of the English-language Wikipedia, perhaps this could be moved to a Explanatory Footnote.
• " is not the real Keyblade's chosen warrior" -- is there a fake Keyblade? I'm not clear what the word "real" is doing here.

Okay, Lightlowemon, it appears to me that this article needs a solid pass from a copyeditor before further review; there's a lot of errors and clunky sentences that I'm cleaning up as I go (e.g. [1]). You can do this yourself or make a request at the Guild of Copyeditors. I'm also concerned with the amount this article relies on primary sources; for example, would it be possible in the "characteristics" section to add any secondary-source descriptions of Sora, rather than relying on the games themselves?

Since your schedule is tricky right now, and I think there's still significant work to be done, here's how I think we should do this. I'm going to close this review for now with a result of "not listed" to avoid having the review open indefinitely. But whenever you want to renominate this, just ping me; I'll take the review up again right away. That way you won't have any time pressure, but this one won't have to wait another few months for a reviewer. Sound fair?

Thanks again for being willing to step in on this one! Good luck with the exams, and I hope we'll be working together on this one again soon, Khazar2 (talk) 20:44, 16 November 2013 (UTC)

Sounds good, I'll take a look at it when I'm all done and dusted and see what I can do about the issues you've mentioned. It'll also allow me to get in there and dust out any cobwebs and give it a bit more of a me touch. Thanks very much for what you've done though and I'll get back to you soon. --Lightlowemon (talk) 06:50, 17 November 2013 (UTC)