Talk:SpongeBob SquarePants season 9/GA1/doc
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Usage
editFlow Issues
editProduction
edit'Series creator Stephen Hillenburg executive produces the show.' this does not flow well. This sentence in particular would flow better as "Series creator Stephen Hillenburg produces the show." or "Series creator Stephen Hillenburg is the executive producer of the show."
'Paul Tibbitt, who worked on the show from its inception until he departed the show at the end of this season, also executive produced the show alongside Hillenburg from season 5 until his departure.' The bold portion does not flow well. It could be written as "also produced the show alongside Hillenburg" or "also was an executive producer alongside Hillenburg".
Recommended Corrections
editProduction
edit'The animation was handled in South Korea at Rough Draft Studios.' That just sounds strange in my opinion. I feel it would be much better as "The animation took place in South Korea at Rough Draft Studios."
'The animators pushed the animation to make it funnier and the theme song changed.' Again, sounds quite strange. Could be rewritten as "The animators pushed to make the animation funnier and changed the theme song changed."
Cast
edit'Other members of the cast were Clancy Brown as Mr. Krabs, a miserly crab obsessed with money and SpongeBob's boss at the Krusty Krab' Could be rewritten as 'a miserly crab obsessed with money who's SpongeBob's boss at the Krusty Krab'
In-line References
editI am concerned about some areas where there are too many references on a single sentence. There is no reason to have more than 2 or 3 on a sentence. Yes, references are needed, but too many just bloats it out and makes it difficult to read.
@Figfires: Done AmericanAir88 (talk) 14:58, 15 August 2018 (UTC)
- @AmericanAir88: I will add more items as I read through the sections. FigfiresSend me a message! 15:08, 15 August 2018 (UTC)
@Figfires: Done, while multiple references are ok, they did make the prose bloat out. Thanks. Ready for the next batch. AmericanAir88 (talk) 15:50, 15 August 2018 (UTC)