Talk:State communications in the Neo-Assyrian Empire

Copy edit

I have finished my first rough and ready run through. I will be coming back to make another couple of passes. This is an excellent article. I have assessed it as B class for MilHist while I was here. I have tended to edit boldly, so if there is anything which you don't understand why I have done it, disagree with or think distorts what the source says, give me a ping. Gog the Mild (talk) 14:24, 29 April 2018 (UTC)

Thanks for taking a look and improving the article. I took a quick look and didn't find anything disagreeable :) HaEr48 (talk) 16:35, 29 April 2018 (UTC)

Done. What a fine article. I look forward to seeing it as a Good Article soon. Gog the Mild (talk) 23:02, 30 April 2018 (UTC)

@Gog the Mild: Thanks for both the copyedit and the encouragement :) I wasn't thinking about GA (I requested copy edit because it was due to appear in DYK). But with the shape right now maybe that's not a bad idea. I'll nominate it soon. HaEr48 (talk) 05:17, 2 May 2018 (UTC)

Pony Express

This sentence reads oddly to my eyes. Firstly the source only states that the PE "duplicated" the Assyrian system, not that it was "based upon" it. And while the US postal system adopted Herodotus' description I am not aware of this being used by the PE - or of the PE even being aware of it. I am happy to be proven wrong by a source. The mention also begs the question of why you don't mention other systems more similar to the Assyrian one; eg the Mongol Empire's (unsurprisingly remarkably similar), the Byzantine's or the Inca Empire's. (Which IMO you could profitably do.) Gog the Mild (talk) 14:46, 29 April 2018 (UTC)

@Gog the Mild: I only mentioned Pony Express because it's mentioned in the source (Bertman 2003, p. 210), which doesn't mention Mongol, Byzantine or Incan Empires. I take "duplicate" to imply "base on", e.g. if I duplicate someone's work, isn't my work basically based on it? Let me know what you think. If this is too problematic I have no objection to removing it. HaEr48 (talk) 16:34, 29 April 2018 (UTC)

Hi HaEr08. That's fine. I copy edited Mongol Empire recently and made a few contributions to the mail system section, so I am probably over-focused on the similarities just because I personally find them fascinating. One could argue that the Incas essentially duplicated the Assyrian system, but not that it was based upon it! I am being picky, but "based upon" implies a deliberate copying; "duplicated" implies an essential similarity without committing the writer as to whether it was an intentional copy. But it is picky; feel free to leave it as it is.

I am starting my second go through the article.

Done. I will probably leave my third review until tomorrow. Did you mean to red link Karen Radner? Gog the Mild (talk) 17:00, 29 April 2018 (UTC)

Thank you! As for Karen Radner, I wanted there to be at least a redlink. She seems like a notable authority on the topic, so it's conceivable that someone might create an article on her. In fact the German Wikipedia has one: de:Karen Radner HaEr48 (talk) 23:00, 30 April 2018 (UTC)

References

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:State communications in the Neo-Assyrian Empire/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: QatarStarsLeague (talk · contribs) 20:58, 14 May 2018 (UTC)

I'll review. QatarStarsLeague (talk) 20:58, 14 May 2018 (UTC)

I think the opening sentence should refer less to the patrons of the network and be more descriptive. Take Interstate Highway System for example. The first sentence reads "...is a network of controlled-access highways that forms...". The current first sentence for this article should maybe become the second.

• Hmm good idea but I'm not sure how to achieve that. I tried drafting several sentence that describes what the system consisted of, but none sounds reasonable enough to me. Do you have an idea? HaEr48 (talk) 02:53, 17 May 2018 (UTC)

• • On further review, I think it is fine as is. Other similar articles use the same structure. QatarStarsLeague (talk) 22:26, 21 May 2018 (UTC)

Though it doesn't necessarily need to go, the definition of mules probably is a bit redundant once you've already linked to the article on mules.

• I'd rather the reader doesn't have to click a link to find out what mules mean, especially given that it can be explained in a short sentence. HaEr48 (talk) 02:53, 17 May 2018 (UTC)

Is the term kalliu Assyrian as well?

• Yes, clarified that in the lead. HaEr48 (talk) 02:53, 17 May 2018 (UTC)

Was the highway system innovation adopted from the Romans', or did it come about separately?

• The Neo-Assyrian Empire existed several centuries before the Roman Empire, so it was not adopted from the Romans. The "History" section describes that it's an original innovation by the Assyrians.

Great article, not sure much else is needed. Just some slight changes. QatarStarsLeague (talk) 02:25, 16 May 2018 (UTC)

@QatarStarsLeague: Thanks for the review! HaEr48 (talk) 02:53, 17 May 2018 (UTC)