Talk:Storming of Farnham Castle

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Storming of Farnham Castle/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Iazyges (talk · contribs) 20:42, 21 February 2020 (UTC)

Criteria

GA Criteria
GA Criteria: 1 1.a Y 1.b N 2 2.a Y 2.b Y 2.c Y 2.d Y 3 3.a Y 3.b Y 4 4.a Y 5 5.a Y 6 6.a Y 6.b Y

• No DAB links Y
• No dead links Y
• No missing citations Y

Discussion

• Need to change the mostly due to the cowardice of the Royalist troops. to something else as it could be seen as a WP:NPOV violation. I'd suggest They captured it in under three hours, when the Royalist troops surrendered after the castle gates were breached.
  • Rephrased to more neutral language. Harrias ^talk 17:12, 27 February 2020 (UTC)
• Two of the citations were missing identifiers; have added them myself for simplicity's sake. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 20:42, 21 February 2020 (UTC)
• @Harrias: That's all my suggestions; once the NPOV issue(s) are dealt with, I can pass the article. Excellent job. -- Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 20:58, 21 February 2020 (UTC)
  • @Iazyges: Thanks for the review; I have responded to your points, let me know what you think. Harrias ^talk 17:12, 27 February 2020 (UTC)

    @Harrias: Passed article. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 22:15, 28 February 2020 (UTC)

Prose Suggestions

Please note that all of these are suggestions, and can be implemented or ignored at your discretion.

Background

• At the outbreak of the civil war, most area around Farnham favoured the Royalists. suggest At the outbreak of the civil war, most of the area surrounding Farnham favoured the Royalists.
  • Yup, good spot, done. Harrias ^talk 17:12, 27 February 2020 (UTC)
• and declared the Earl of Essex, and by extension Parliament, suggest and declared the Earl of Essex, and all of Parliament, by extension, also link Parliament.
  • Linked Parliament. I'm unsure about the more specific wording, just because some MPs did side with the Royalists, and it could give the wrong impression. Harrias ^talk 17:12, 27 February 2020 (UTC)
• That action had been the culmination of religious, fiscal and legislative tensions going back over fifty years suggest Over fifty years of religious, fiscal and legislative tensions led up to this action. little less awkard IMO.
• He evacuated his men and what ammunition he could during the night, and the next day, 9 November, Royalist forces under Sir John Denham took possession of the castle. suggest On the night of 8 November he evacuated his men and what ammunition he could, and Royalist forces under Sir John Denham took possession of the castle the next day.
  • Done. Harrias ^talk 17:12, 27 February 2020 (UTC)

Prelude

• the commander of Parliament's army, the Earl of Essex, unlink Earl of Essex.
  • Done. Harrias ^talk 17:12, 27 February 2020 (UTC)

Battle

• the Parliamentarian force commanded by Waller, which comprised cavalry and dragoons, approached the castle and demanded its surrender. suggest the Parliamentarian force commanded by Waller, comprised of cavalry and dragoons, approached the castle and demanded its surrender.
  • "comprised of" is considered bad language, but I could adopt "composed of" if you prefer that format? Harrias ^talk 17:12, 27 February 2020 (UTC)

    Think composed of would be good. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 22:15, 28 February 2020 (UTC)

• Despite the meagre defence, Colonel Anthony Fane, unless "meagre" is a direct quote, I'd change it to "inexperienced", for NPOV reasons.
  • I disagree, while it is not a direct quote, multiple sources mention that the defence was inadequate: there is a difference between inexperience and shying from battle. Harrias ^talk 17:12, 27 February 2020 (UTC)

    Fair enough. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 22:15, 28 February 2020 (UTC)

• Once they had destroyed the gate, they were still unable to gain entrance to castle due to the wooden barricade. Once the Parliamentarians had entered the keep, the garrison surrendered suggest Once the Parliamentarians had destroyed the gate, they were still unable to gain entrance to the castle because of the wooden barricade; however, the garrison surrendered after they entered the keep.
  • Adopted with a slight clarification (which my original text needed too). Harrias ^talk 17:12, 27 February 2020 (UTC)