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Talk:TWA Flight Center/GA1

< Talk:TWA Flight Center
Latest comment: 4 years ago by Eddie891 in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 4 years ago18 comments2 people in discussion

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 21:44, 24 August 2020 (UTC)Reply

Eddie891 sincerely promises that he will review this Very Interesting Article shortly... Eddie891 Talk Work 21:44, 24 August 2020 (UTC)Reply

Comments
  • "and adaptively repurposed as part of the TWA Hotel." also in 1962? Unclear when this happened
  • "enabling expansive views of departing and arriving jets." why 'expansive' here? you don't use the word anywhere else and it strikes me as very vague
    •   Removed
  • "the Saarinen-designed building remains standing." wasn't the whole complex designed by Saarinen?
    • One of the flight wings was designed by successor firm Roche-Dinkeloo. However, this statement needed to be corrected anyway, as the other flight wing was designed by Saarinen, and both flight wings were demolished. epicgenius (talk) 16:11, 25 August 2020 (UTC)Reply
  • "The design straddles " what does 'straddle' mean here? Something like 'incorporates elements of'?
    •   Added Yes.
  • "From the Saarinen office, Kevin Roche, Cesar Pelli, Norman Pettula, and Edward Saad were key collaborators." reads oddly to me-- can you rephrase to make a bit smoother?
    •   Done
  • "as well as 20 million passengers annually" maybe just 'and'?
    •   Done
  • "The layout, or form, " given that the section is titled 'form', I'd prefer 'the form, or layout'. But nbd either way
    •   Done
  • link Da Vinci?
    •   Done
  • "The jetways obviated the" I'd prefer 'eliminated' or 'removed', something simpler and more accessible
    •   Done
  • "walk on the ground, as well as sheltered " maybe just "walk on the ground and sheltered"
    •   Done
  • It's hard for me to retain focus throughout this article, it seems like there are three topics 1) the flight center 2) terminal 5 3) the hotel, yet none seem to have much overlap. So here's my question: should T5 really be part of this article, or should it be split?
    • The TWA Flight Center page describes the physical facilities of Terminal 5, including the head house (pictured in the main image) and the 2008 replacement buildings. In other words, what some may think as the "Flight Center" is really only the head house, while the 2008 addition is an annex to the head house, both of which form part of Terminal 5. The TWA Hotel page, which talks about the different amenities and facilities of the hotel, is already separate, but it is mentioned briefly here to maintain broad coverage. epicgenius (talk) 16:11, 25 August 2020 (UTC)Reply
  • "The roof concrete varies in thickness from 7 inches (180 mm) at the edges to 40 inches (1,000 mm) at the convergence of the four shells. The roof weighs 6,000 short tons (5,400 t) in total" maybe "The roof concrete varies in thickness from 7 inches (180 mm) at the edges to 40 inches (1,000 mm) at the convergence of the four shells and it weighs 6,000 short tons (5,400 t) in total." or something to get rid of repeating 'the roof'
    •   Done
  • You oscillate between past tense and present tense when referring to the center-- whats going on with that
    • I use past tense generally to refer to what the Flight Center was perceived as during the time. E.g. "The TWA Flight Center incorporated many innovations" is referring to its completion. epicgenius (talk) 16:11, 25 August 2020 (UTC)Reply
  • standardise between 'head house' and 'headhouse'
    •   Done
  • "40,000 square feet of meeting space, and an observation deck of 10,000 square feet." wants {{convert}}ing
    •   Done
  • "The hotel is located outside the sterile area of Terminal 5" I don't get the piping of this link. What's the connection?
    • The "sterile area" phrase doesn't actually have a link for itself. In the airport security article, there is this text: "Passengers are discharged from airliners into the sterile area so that they usually will not have to be re-screened if disembarking from a domestic flight; however they are still subject to search at any time." I linked to that section. epicgenius (talk) 16:11, 25 August 2020 (UTC)Reply
  • "Both flight wings were demolished with the construction of T5." wanting of a year
    •   Done
  • "Early site model showing satellite passenger piers" what does 'early' mean here?
  • "the former Transcontinental and Western Airlines changed its name to Trans World Airways" why then do you already call the airline in the 'history' section 'Trans World Airways'?
  • "TWA was described as having "vision and confidence"" by who? Was it the company or Damon himself?
    •   Added It was a critic.
  • "By contrast, Eero Saarinen" is "By contrast, Eero" really needed?
    •   Removed
  • "To model the roof of the TWA terminal, Saarinen's team composed" I'd prefer a word other than 'compose' here, given that has more of a connotation to music and poetry.
  • "Roche said that the area around the center staircase was redone at least ten times." in the model or the actual building?
  • "While the Saarinen office created some 130 possible plans for the terminal, the contractors provided hundreds of their own drawings as well" Maybe "In addition to around 130 possible plans created by the Saarinen office for the terminal, contractors provided hundreds of their own drawings"
    •   Done
  • "projected cost of $12 million." maybe use {{inflation}} here?
    •   Done
  • "Fourteen engineers and 150 workers " per MOS:NUMNOTES "Comparable values should be all spelled out or all in figures"
    •   Done
  • "n the 1980s, a "temporary" wooden " why is 'temporary' in quotes?
  • " and interior landmark in 1994, preserving it." would "ensuring its preservation" be more accurate?
    •   Done
  • "TWA continued to financially deteriorate during the 1990s," I'm not aware of any mention of financial deterioration before the 90s in the article
  • "The following year, PANYNJ " You've been saying "the PANYNJ" elsewhere
  • "critic for the Times" clarify that this isn't The Times, please
  • "Two years later, Times critic" ditto

That's it for prose-- standard nit-picking for the most part, pretty minor stuff. Happy to discuss any/all. Best, Eddie891 Talk Work 14:12, 25 August 2020 (UTC)Reply

@Eddie891: Thanks for the comments. I've addressed all of them. epicgenius (talk) 16:11, 25 August 2020 (UTC)Reply
Sourcing & misc.
  • No copvio evident
  • FUR for File:JetBlue T5 Logo.jpg needs some work
  • What makes designobserver.com a RS?
    •   Removed
  • what makes Ottens.co.uk a RS?
    •   Removed
  • URL for source 9 doesn't work
    •   Archived
  • URL for source 109 doesn't work
    •   Removed
  • URL for source 31 doesn't work
    •   Updated
  • spotcheck follows
    • 8 a-c; e-f  Y d-- I don't see where it is in the source
    • 29 a:  Y b: I don't see it; c:  Y
      • The relevant text for 29b is While the hotel is connected to the terminal via a passageway over the taxi lanes, bear in mind that you'll have to visit before going through security (or after landing in T5.) I have clarified this accordingly. epicgenius (talk) 18:19, 28 August 2020 (UTC)Reply
    • 38  Y
    • 116  Y
    • 115  Y
    • 95  Y
    • 60, 61  Y
    • 33  Y
  • That's it from me. Best, Eddie891 Talk Work 16:37, 28 August 2020 (UTC)Reply
  • Cool. Passing. Meets the GAC. Best, Eddie891 Talk Work 13:13, 29 August 2020 (UTC)Reply
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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