Talk:Telephone (song)/GA1

GA Review

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I am the reviewer--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 06:38, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

Hey Nathan, I have corrected all the misnomers that you pointed. Can you take a looky? :) — Legolas ^(talk2me) 08:12, 8 October 2010 (UTC)

Hi there Legolas. The article still isn't perfect, and should be read through for small copy-edit issues. However I won't let that stop the article from GA, this isn't FAC :). Good job! --CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 07:48, 10 October 2010 (UTC)

Lead

• "The main inspiration of the song was Gaga's fear of not being able to enjoy herself because of her dedication to her career." - What does this have to do with the idea and concept of Telephone? Its clarified in "Background", but should be also clarified a bit further in the lead.
• You should mention the Netherlands and Hungary in the next sentence, when you introduce the European countries.
• "The video features Gaga in a prison, from where she gets bailed out by Beyoncé. They go to a diner where, after a series of events, they kill the guests having breakfast. It ends with Gaga and Beyoncé escaping from the police." - You should consider either bunching it into two sentences, or changing the wording. The current way its written doesn't flow well and reads to choppy.

Background

• "However, Spears' label rejected it and Gaga recorded the song" - However, after Spears' label rejected it, Gaga recorded the song. Or something similar.
• "first appearing in the middle verse and singing her lyrics through a brief interlude, and backs the chorus during the rest of the song." - You are using two different tenses.
• "but she could not talk as she was drinking and dancing to her favourite song." - But she can't talk as shes drinking and dancing to her favorite song.
• "The lyrics of "Telephone" relate to the singer preferring the dance floor to answering someone's call." - Telephone's lyrics.

Critical reception

• I think you should bunch the mixed or negative reviews together, such as The Times and The New York Press.

Chart performance

• I don't think fluctuates is the best word here. Fluctuate means to change and go up and down, here your just talking about progression.
• "With this, Gaga and Beyoncé tied with Mariah Carey for most number-ones since the Nielsen BDS-based Top 40 airplay chart launched in 1992." - Did Beyonce match the record as well?
• "Telephone" debuted at fourteen on the Canadian Hot 100." - Number fourteen sounds better.
• shipment - Shipments.
• When you are first introducing the song on a chart, you should write number_, not just the number.
• "and in the top-ten at number three on the Hungarian charts." - Confusing, re-word.
• "In the United Kingdom, after weeks of fluctuating on the chart, "Telephone" reached a new peak of twelve on the UK Singles Chart, on March 15, 2010." - You never mentioned an "old peak", so there is no need to describe it as new, its the first position you've mentioned in the UK.

Music video

Development

• "The music video was filmed January 28, 2010" - On January 28th.
• "Published photos from the set portrayed Gaga and Beyoncé shooting for scenes of the video in the car that Uma Thurman's character drove in Quentin Tarantino's 2003–04 film Kill Bill, called the "Pussy Wagon"." - Re-word for clarity. Also, the picture doesn't portray, it shows you.
• "With E! Online" - Is this an interview?
• "Gaga had an interview on KIIS-FM with Ryan Seacrest." - Gaga was interviewed by Seacrest.
• "Semi Precious Weapons confirmed to MTV news that they have a cameo in the music video." - Who? What?

Synopsis

• "but doesn't kill him like she had hoped." - It doesn't
• You should check, but I doubt all these critics said these things. More probably, they wrote or commented.

Live performances

• "an acoustic version "Telephone" - An acoustic version of "Telephone".
• "The whole performance was low-key compared to her previous ones." - In comparison.
• "Gaga added the song in the setlist of The Monster Ball Tour." - Gaga added the song to "The Moster Ball Tour's" setlist.
• "for an episode that aired on March 5, 2010." - That aired two days later.

Other versions

• "Also, via Ustream, the producer said that the leaked version." - Jerkins said.

References

• 3x Platinum in Canada is unsupported by given reference.

• End All in all, a very good article. Not much to fix :).--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 12:50, 7 October 2010 (UTC)