Talk:Terminator Salvation/GA1
Latest comment: 14 years ago by Hunter Kahn in topic GA Review
GA Review
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Very, very nice work with this! I've got only a few suggestions, and I'm sure they can be addressed quickly. Please address each one line-by-line and I'll strike them as we go...
Cast:
- "McG had originally asked Christian Bale to play the role, but the latter insisted on portraying John instead, and to expand the character's role." This is already covered in the last paragraph (about Bale) and seems redundant here. I'd suggest simply mentioning Bale in the next sentence. In other words, changing "The former once expressed interest in casting Daniel Day-Lewis or Josh Brolin in the part as well." to "McG once expressed interest in casting Christian Bale, Daniel Day-Lewis or Josh Brolin in the part as well."
- Done.
Writing:
- "However, after the Internet leak..." What leak is this referring to? I'm guessing the original ending got leaked online? Could you clarify that?
- Done.
Filming:
- "In addition to Bale breaking his hand and Worthington hurting his back..." I see a previous reference to Bale's hand injury in the Cast section, but don't see any previous reference to Worthington's back injury. Unless I'm missing it? Otherwise, it should be rewritten as a first reference, not as if it were a second reference...
- "Worthington tore his intercostal muscles" - I think it's this.
Design and special effects:
- "Completing Skynet's domination of air, land and sea is the Hydrobot..." This is worded a bit in-univerish and POVish, or at the very least unencyclopedic. Could you reword it?
- Done
- "...tried to depict a simple interface, with just what a machine would need..." The "just what a machine would need" part of this sentence really needs to be reworded.
- Done.
- "Other contributors included Asylum Visual Effects, which created digital plates, Marcus' endoskeleton and a digital T-600; and Rising Sun Pictures, which did the digital correction of day for night scenes, the destruction of the submarine and Marcus' robot hand." Could you break this into two sentences rather than trying to clump it into one?
- Changed the place and some wording, see if it needs more work. igordebraga ≠ 14:10, 26 January 2010 (UTC)
Music:
- "Beforehand, McG had the idea to hire Gustavo Santaolalla, who he got to speak with, to work on the human themes, while having either Thom Yorke or Jonny Greenwood for Skynet's themes." This sentence is a bit awkward, could you reword it?
- Done.
Lawsuit:
- Do we know how the breach-of-contract claim for arbitration issue ended? If so, can we add that?
- Couldn't find any info.
- A suggestion: perhaps this section should be changed to "Controversies" or something like that, and the Christian Bale rant against Shane Hurlbut could be moved from Filming into that newly renamed section? Just a suggestion, whatever your preference is fine with me...
- Done.
In general:
- I found several instances of words being wikilinked more than once throughout the article. (For example, there were many instances of Kyle Reese being wikilinked.) Only the first reference in the lead, then the first reference in the article itself, should be linked. I think I got most of them, but please make sure you don't have any other instances of overlinking...
- Removed some (at most there are 3 for those who appear in Lead, Plot and Cast).
Good luck! I'll place this on hold for a week until the outstanding issues ares resolved... — Hunter Kahn 04:05, 26 January 2010 (UTC)
Anything else? igordebraga ≠ 03:19, 27 January 2010 (UTC)
A good article is:
- Well-written: Prose is good, MOS is good.
- Factually accurate and verifiable: Sources are good, no original research.
- Broad in its coverage: Covers main aspects, no unneeded detail.
- Neutral: Yes.
- Stable: Yes.
- Illustrated, if possible, by images: Yes.
Nice work, that's a pass. — Hunter Kahn 03:39, 27 January 2010 (UTC)