Talk:Tetsuo: The Iron Man/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Eiga-Kevin2 (talk · contribs) 9:15, 22 August 2023 (UTC)

Hello, I've decided to review this very compelling page for GA over the next couple of days. - Eiga-Kevin2 (talk) 9:15, 22 August 2023 (UTC)

Here are my initial comments.

• Infobox
  • I think the estimated budget should be mentioned here.

Sure. We have to, so I said it was between those estimated amounts. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• Lead section:
  • "written, produced, edited, and directed by"; per MOS:FILMLEAD, the fact that he was the director goes first, with his credit as a screenwriter, producer, editor, actor etc. on the film being listed thereafter.

Done. 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • "The central character is a Japanese salary man portrayed by Tomorowo Taguchi, who accidentally hits another man, a metal fetishist, with his car.": can you please rewrite this to something along the lines of "The film centers around a Japanese salaryman who wakes up to find pieces of metal sprouting from various parts of his body and is haunted by visions of metal-oriented sexual fantasies."

Tried to re-phrase. 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • "hit and run" probably should have hyphens.

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • "feature length" and "likeminded" should also probably have a hyphen.

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • "After having the film win the Grand Prize at the Fantafestival in Italy, the film grew in popularity in Japan, becoming a top seller on home video for non-mainstream cinema." -> something like "After winning the Grand Prize at the Fantafestival in Italy, the film grew in popularity in Japan, becoming a top seller on home video for non-mainstream cinema."

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • "American and British critics compared the film to the work of directors Sam Raimi, David Cronenberg and David Lynch while still finding the film to be original film that was difficult to parse" -> something like "Foreign critics compared the film to the work of directors Sam Raimi, David Cronenberg and David Lynch while still finding the film to be an original film that was difficult to parse."

Tried to re-phrase it similar to this. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • "A sequel titled Tetsuo II: Body Hammer followed in 1992 while later critics such as Michael Brooke of Sight & Sound stating it "remains one of the most pulverisingly effective sci-fi horror films of the past quarter of a century." while the Japanese film magazine Kinema Junpo placed included the film on their list of top 200 Japanese films in 2009.": I find this illogical, can you please rewrite it?

Uhh yeah that sucked haha. I've cleaned it up, I think. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• Plot
  • Seems fine
• Cast
  • I think it would make more sense to have "Cast adapted from the Sight & Sound review." at the bottom of the section, Fujiwara credited as "the salaryman's girlfriend", and the others having "the" or "a" in front of the role (e.g. "a woman wearing glasses").

Sure, was just being more "strict" with cast listing, but I think this is very minor here, so let's make it more "readable". Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• Production
  • I don't mind Kurosawa and Kara having pics in the Background section, but can you possibly make them a bit smaller plz?
  • I feel most of the Background should be in Tsukamoto's article, I would mention the creator of the Ultra Q and Godzilla since those are made out to be significantly influential on Tsukamoto.

Hmm. A lot of this should be place in his article, but I figured as so many small events in his life go into making the film, and he did most of the work he could on his own, it should be here as well. As I normally would say creator, I think we should just focus on the show as a whole. This was when he was really young and as he doesn't name Honda or Tsuburaya, I don't want to name them. That's also why I used Kurosawa and Kara here, cause he names those folks specifically. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • In filming, add "be" before "made" in "The film was initially going to made"

It looks like either I or someone else has taken care of this? unless there is a second part of this. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • "The films narrative" -> "The film's narrative"

Again I dont' see this, but i guess it may have been changed. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • "who had work in major film studios" -> replace work with worked

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • sand paper should be one word

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • "travelling" -> "traveling" per American English

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • "that that" -> remove a one

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • "between cast" -> "between the cast"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • "Fujiwara stated that they two" -> "Fujiwara stated that the two"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • "rolls" or "roles"?

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • " When Tsukamoto had to appears on screen": "appears" to "appear"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • "Tsukamoto began developing what footage he had into the editing room": "into" or "in"?

In. Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:23, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

• • In post-production: "Tsukamoto found himself emotionally and physically exhausted during the editing process, especially on hearing loud banging noises for the sound effects in the film again and again" -> something like "During the editing process, Tsukamoto became emotionally and physically exhausted, especially when he heard loud banging sound effects used in the film over and over again."
  • "helped him get motivation" -> something like "helped him gain the motivation"
  • "For the films score" -> "For the film's score"
• Release
  • Any additional sources for the claim: "The film broke box office and records for non-mainstream cinema in Japan"?

No, it was just in the newspaper and they don't go too much into detail I'm afraid. Andrzejbanas (talk) 03:16, 5 September 2023 (UTC)

• • films should be film's
• Reception
  • The "films" problem should be fixed here too
  • "film-makers" -> "filmmakers"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 03:16, 5 September 2023 (UTC)

• • "fond" -> "found"

Done. Andrzejbanas (talk) 03:16, 5 September 2023 (UTC)

• • Sites like Rotten Tomatoes probably need a mention here

I don't really like adding Rotten Tomatoes or such for these scores as they combine older reviews and newer reviews for some older films in general. It doesn't give a clear overview of how the film was viewed at the time. Andrzejbanas (talk) 03:16, 5 September 2023 (UTC)

• • Needs a clean-up to change it from the "A of B said C, that the film" structure and also as I've been told by a reviewer in the past, per MOS:FILMCRITICS, straight up citing from the source only "if any form of paraphrasing is disputed" (see Wikipedia:Copyediting reception sections for recommendations on how to improve the section).

Tried to re-work this. Andrzejbanas (talk) 03:16, 5 September 2023 (UTC)

• Legacy
  • Can this be expanded a bit, please? Also, it doesn't link to the page for a sequel nor even mention Tetsuo: The Bullet Man.

Sure. I've added a bit more to the sequels.Andrzejbanas (talk) 03:16, 5 September 2023 (UTC)

• • Don't know if the pic of Tsukamoto fits here or not either.

Tried to add some prose to this to make it acceptable. Andrzejbanas (talk) 03:16, 5 September 2023 (UTC)

Apart from the things I've listed above, I think the page is a great read and deserves to be granted GA status. Eiga-Kevin2 (talk) 2:00, 22 August 2023 (UTC)

Thanks. I've been a bit under the weather since Monday, so I'll try to take a look at this eventually this week. Hope that's okay @Eiga-Kevin2:. Andrzejbanas (talk) 01:43, 23 August 2023 (UTC)

I did a little editing myself to lessen the amount you need to work on. Paleface Jack (talk) 15:02, 24 August 2023 (UTC)

@Paleface Jack:, that is great work! Thanks! I'm finally feeling a big better after a week in the doghouse. I highly appreciate it! Andrzejbanas (talk) 17:31, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

No problem. Paleface Jack (talk) 18:12, 28 August 2023 (UTC)

I've noticed the majority of my requests have been added, I'll pass the page tomorrow morning if complete by then. Thanks for your efforts guys! Eiga-Kevin2 (talk) 06:12, 2 September 2023 (UTC)

@Eiga-Kevin2:, I think i've covered your points now. Thoughts? Andrzejbanas (talk) 03:16, 5 September 2023 (UTC)

Looks great! Passing. Eiga-Kevin2 (talk) 03:20, 5 September 2023 (UTC)