Talk:The Dance of the Twisted Bull/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Sammi Brie (talk · contribs) 01:17, 16 February 2023 (UTC)

Just a few copy changes. 7-day hold to Premeditated Chaos. Ping when ready. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 01:33, 16 February 2023 (UTC)

Copy changes

User:Sammi Brie/Commas in sentences (CinS). It's your friend.

• Typically for McQueen, the collection included sharp tailoring and historicist elements, and emphasized femininity and sexuality. Remove the second comma. "emphasized femininity and sexuality" is not a sentence that can stand alone. (CinS)
• 400% increase Style as "400 percent", as this is not a technical article. MOS:PERCENT
• suggested the models had "crawled out of bed and thrown on something from the night before." This is a partial sentence quote. MOS:INOROUT the period goes after the quotation mark in this case.
• John Davidson of The Glasgow Herald called the collection "truly polished," and agreed with McQueen's decision to forgo theatrics for the show, although he found the sexuality excessive. Remove the comma after "polished". (CinS)
• dismissed the style of the dresses as being like a "rigid satin party skirt of the 1950's genre." ... but found the "dressmaking flourishes were too showy and indulgent." Two more INOROUT cases. I'd also make a minor grammar revision (yes, even to the quote) to read 1950s, no apostrophe.
• "Dark Angel," and which highlighted collections focused on "life cycles and the human condition." More logical quote issues.

• Fixed all of the above-noted. However, Dark Angel isn't a quote, it's the title of an article, so I think the comma stays put.

• @Premeditated Chaos: Still a logical quote issue since the article title uses quotation marks. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 03:34, 16 February 2023 (UTC)

Changed ♠PMC♠ (talk) 22:42, 16 February 2023 (UTC)

Sourcing and spot checks

Earwig is mostly flagging book titles from the references section. No real issues.

Five of the 49 sources were selected for spot checks:

• 11: BBC obituary: He began a new partnership with Gucci Group, which bought 51% of his company... Y
• 12: Wilson 2015 p. 266: "the first show for his own label under the auspices of the Gucci group" Y
• 29: The Herald: In his valiant attempt to take Paris and thereby the whole fashion world by storm, he cut much (if not all) of the theatrics which have made his previous shows the unequivocal highlight of each London Fashion Week. So there were no burning car wrecks, no motorised merry-go-rounds, and no model-drenching thunderstorms. Y
• 34: pulls back her shoulders as the ball fills the space and the curve at the base of her spine Y
• 39: Givhan in The Washington Post: McQueen was at his best when he worked his tailoring magic; his dressmaking flourishes were too showy and indulgent. Y

Images

There are three images. One is a non-free photo of Look 33 with rationale. Given that it was the most commented piece at the show and is the subject of commentary in the article, this is appropriate. There are also two inspiration-related images, both with appropriate licenses. Captions are good. None have alt text.

Added alt text since I'll wind up doing it at FAC anyway. ♠PMC♠ (talk) 22:43, 16 February 2023 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.