Talk:The Girl Who Lived in the Tree/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Nominator: Premeditated Chaos (talk · contribs)

Reviewer: Generalissima (talk · contribs) 17:38, 29 March 2024 (UTC)

Might as well do my service and review one of these. Expect a review over the next couple days. Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 17:38, 29 March 2024 (UTC)

@Generalissima it's been over two weeks now with no comments. Are you intending to complete this review or would you prefer to put it back into the queue? ♠PMC♠ (talk) 18:16, 14 April 2024 (UTC)

I am intending, yes. I will finish this review tonight. Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 18:18, 14 April 2024 (UTC)

Criteria #1: Well Written

I conducted a prose review of the article. This is exceptionally well-written, so take most of my advice to fix things up, as knowing you this will no doubt be brought to FAC at some point :3

Lede

• Cannot find any prose mistakes here; good job!

Background

• Period should be inside the quotation mark in "like falling in love", since that's ending the sentence in the quoted phrase. Otherwise good.
  • So, this is something I only learned from Sammi Brie at a previous GAN, but apparently per WP:LQ, when the quote is a sentence fragment, the punctuation goes outside the quotes. I know, I hate it also.

Concept and collection

• Cite 7 should come before 17 in the line ending "during the British Raj".
  • Fixed
• "which as India's national bird is culturally associated with beauty, grace, and love" Feels off to me. Saying as India's national bird makes me think that the following is the peacock's associated role due to its status as India's national bird, which isn't true—the peacock was associated with those things before a concept of an Indian nation. So I'd rephrase it to "focused on the peacock, India's national bird, culturally associated with beauty, grace, and love" or thereabouts.
  • Yeah, that reads better
• Cite 22 should come before 27 and 28 in the line ending with "for Queen Elizabeth II in her youth"
  • Fixed

Otherwise good.

Runway show

• Cites 34 and 7 in the first sentence should have their order reversed.
  • Fixed
• Do we really need Haydn and Mozart's full names?
  • I'm going to say yes, in case the reader is an uncultured swine like me who doesn't know their classical composers offhand :D
• Wouldn't it be were known for Christo and Jeanne-Claude, since they're dead?
  • Ugh yes, looks like someone did some copyedits when this was at DYK and changed it to "are". I've flipped it back.

Reception

• I cannot access the source, but put the period inside the quotation mark if "his brilliance had never shone more brightly" is the end of the sentence there. Otherwise no problems"
  • Same LQ thing

Analysis

• Nothing seems to jump out as bad prose here, either.

Legacy

• You have a random parenthesis before the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
  • I sure do, oops
• Cite 45 should come before 54 in the sentence ending with "as was the "Empire" bag."

Criteria #2: Verifiable

I conducted a source review of the article.

• 1a & b, Vaidyanathan, Rajini (12 February 2010). "Six ways Alexander McQueen changed fashion". BBC Magazine
  • He sure was known for those things, and he worked at Savile Row. This source checks out on both of those. I don't think you need 1a though, since 1b is immediately following; "McQueen was somewhat controversial and dramatic" doesn't strike me as a controversial claim you would have to make sure you have a cite for.
    • Amazingly, I caught flak at another GA review somewhere for that statement being insufficiently cited. As for the two cites - I like to try to keep cites following sentences even when they duplicate, in case I move something around and lose what was cited where.
• 7a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, and n: Bethune 2015, p. 319
  • Ooh boy. Was luckily able to get the excerpt for this.
    • 7a: Checks out.
    • 7b: Checks out.
    • 7c: Checks out.
    • 7d: Checks out.
    • 7e: Checks out.
    • 7f: Checks out; though I am wondering what an "S-bend corseted top" means, and whether that's worth mentioning.
      • It's a corset that makes your boobs stick out in front and your ass stick out in the back, and sucks your waist in to boot, resulting in a kind of S-shaped body. (File:Corset a membrane abdominale.png and File:Deformation de la ligne de labdomen et des reins par le corset.png show the effect.) I didn't mention it because none of the other sources referred to it that way, which to be honest supports my opinion that Bethune is kind of wrong to describe them like that. Many of the waists are quite cinched but none of the models in the video of the show really has the full-on S-bend silhouette.
    • 7g: Yep, checks out.
    • 7h: This technically doesn't say lace, it says "scattered with intricate snowflakes".
      • My bad, I've put Watt in, which does say lace.
    • 7i: Checks out.
    • 7j: Checks out.
    • 7k: Checks out.
    • 7l: Checks out.
    • 7m: Checks out.
    • 7n: I cannot tell what this is supporting here.
      • Reinforcing the makeup/styling being much lighter in this phase - "Styling for these designs was delicate, with a light touch to make-up"
• 8: Callahan, Maureen (7 August 2014a). "Isabella Blow and Alexander McQueen: Fashion's muse and master". Vanity Fair.
  • Checks out. Poor dude.
    • Yeah. It was a really toxic friendship, neither one of them was particularly stable and unfortunately they both hurt each other a lot, constantly.
• 14: "Alexander McQueen – an introduction". Victoria and Albert Museum
  • Yep. CBE.
• 18a, b, c, d, e, f, g, and h. "The Girl Who Lived in the Tree". Metropolitan Museum of Art
  • 18a: I cannot find what this is supporting; I don't think it's needed? It doesn't mention Elizabeth, Farleigh, or elm trees.
    • Ah, it doesn't say elm specifically but "He had an amazing tree in his garden in Fairleigh, in his country house, and this tree had always fascinated him." I think you're right that the other two cover it well enough though, so I've moved it.
  • 18b: Checks out.
  • 18c: Checks out.
  • 18d: Checks out.
  • 18e: Checks out.
  • 18f: Checks out.
  • 18g: Checks out.
  • 18h: Checks out.
• 33 "McQueen's collaborators: Shaun Leane". Victoria and Albert Museum.
  • I was really confused and then I realized this is probably citing that Treacy is a milliner, lol.
    • Yeah it was just a convenient ref for that. I did go back and expand the background a bit to touch on their longstanding creative partnership, because I meant to do that and forgot.
• 42 Zamindar, Shriya (29 May 2023). "This historic jewellery store frequented by generations of Jaipur's royal family reveal a slice of their jewellery archives to Vogue India
  • Checks out that it's longstanding high-end atelier.
• 45a, b, and c: "'Empire' Bag". The Museum of Savage Beauty. Victoria and Albert Museum.
  • 45a: Checks out.
  • 45b: Checks out.
  • 45c: I don't see where this is mentioned in the source.
    • Ah you know what, I was making an assumption because the purse isn't mentioned in the (exhaustive) catalogue for the 2011 staging, and AFAI knew the V&A was only showcasing new items on their website. But it is styled with Look 42 in the 2011 catalogue photo, so it must have been in the exhibit. Removed that bit.
• 58: Conti, Samantha (28 June 2012). "Lady Gaga Sets World Record for Alexander McQueen Dress". WWD
  • Checks out.
• 61: "Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty gala at the V&A". Harper's Bazaar.
  • Checks out.

Criteria #3: Broad

Absurdly well-covered, without going into any unnecessary detail or rabbit holes. Absolutely meets this standard.

Criteria #4: Neutral

Gives a wide perspective from various critics and never seems to take sides. Good job.

Criteria #5: Stable

Yep.

Criteria #6: Illustrated

• Checks out, licenses good, alt-text to boot.

@Premeditated Chaos: Apologies for the delay. Got some minor stuff for you to look over, and then I think we're good to go. Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 05:05, 15 April 2024 (UTC)

• @Generalissima: it's all good, shit happens. Thanks for the thorough review, fixes have been made except minorly where specified for MOS reasons. ♠PMC♠ (talk) 04:44, 16 April 2024 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.