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Talk:The Real Thing (Gwen Stefani song)/GA1

< Talk:The Real Thing (Gwen Stefani song)
Latest comment: 8 years ago by Carbrera in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 8 years ago9 comments2 people in discussion
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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs)) 22:34, 13 March 2016 (UTC)Reply

@Carbrera: I hope its okay with you that I grab this for a review (I have just finished reviewing another one of your articles and this is a very recent nomination), but you have piqued my interest in the album. I will have my comments uploaded relatively soon. Aoba47 (talk) 22:34, 13 March 2016 (UTC)Reply

Lead

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  • As a comment for the whole article, the period at the end of a sentence (or comma) only goes inside the quote mark if you're quoting an entire sentence.

  Done

  • Remove the comma before “The Real Thing” in the final sentence of the last paragraph

  Done

  • I would reword phrase the first sentence of the second paragraph as follows to help with the flow/structure: “Interscope Records released the track as a promotional single exclusively in the Philippines a year after the albums’ release in 2004.” Keep the links. The album was released in 2004 and not 2005 and “the” in the Philippines does not need to be capitalized all the time.

  Done

  • Link New Order in the lead

  Done

  • Remove commas around the phrase starting with “along with a”

  Done

  • I comment on this in the “Live Performances” section, but does she perform this song on The Sweet Escape Tour? You do not talk about it in that section. If she does, keep this here, but if not, then remove this.

  Done

    • Read my final comments. I would suggest putting back in the reference as it is important to discuss all the times Gwen has performed the song so I think the stuff about "The Sweet Escape Tour" should be in the article in some capacity. Aoba47 (talk) 02:48, 15 March 2016 (UTC)Reply

Background and release

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  • For the first sentence, replace the phrase “revealed that her major influences for the record were” to “cited her major influences as” to make it concise and flow better.

  Done

  • Change the second sentence to the following as the original wording is very awkward: According to MTV’s Jennifer Vineyard, musician and songwriter Linda Perry "put Gwen in a headlock" during a party after the Grammys and "told her they could make beautiful music together".

  Done

  • Sources 2, 3, and 4 are the same article. Do not create different citations for different pages, just reuse the same citation for the overall article.
    • I think there should be different citations for this particular source; each fact mentioned in the article is on a different page so it'd be noteworthy to have different citations. Carbrera (talk) 01:53, 15 March 2016 (UTC)Reply
      • I respectfully disagree with your point. You are essentially referencing the same source in different citations. There is no reason to break up a source due to pages especially when the article is only a couple pages long. While I understand your reasoning, I find it unnecessary to break it up into three separate citations when the reader could just access one and go through the pages to find the quoted material. Aoba47 (talk) 02:48, 15 March 2016 (UTC)Reply
  • Rephrase the sentence about Stefani being scared of working with Perry to the following to aid with the sentence structure and quote use: While recording at Perry’s house, Stefani was initially insecure about her writing process and “would go into another room to try to write some lyrics, and when she came back, Perry would already have the whole song nailed."

  Done

  • Restructure the beginning of the sentence with “What You Waiting For?” as it reads very awkwardly. I am also uncertain about why this sentence is relevant. The article is about a specific song not directly referenced in this sentence. I would retool the sentence to talk about the recording of "What You Waiting For?" as breaking Stefani's writer's block and making her more comfortable to record more music for the album. I would cut the part about Perry writing a different song first as it is unnecessary.

  Done

  • Change “she and Perry” to “Stefani and Perry”

  Done

  • Change (together in another song, which turned out to be "The Real Thing") to (together on “The Real Thing”) to be more concise.

  Done

  • Expand and define the two versions being released on the CD sample.

  Done

  • Restructure the last sentence as it reads very awkwardly. You can do the following: (On October 3, 2005, Interscope Records released the song as a promotional single exclusively for the Philippines. The label released a CD single, which feature the album version and a remix by Wendy & Lisa.) Link Wendy & Lisa here and unlink them later on if you use this idea.

  Done

Composition

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  • Eliminate the phrase “provided additional production” as it is too wordy and unnecessary.

  Done

  • I would remove respectively in the first time you use it as the identifications of Sumner and Hook make it obvious who contributed what to the song.

  Done

  • Just say “the fist is a mid-tempo…” The phrase “which is” is unnecessary and breaks the flow of the sentence.

  Done

  • Citation needed for the part about the "Wendy & Lisa Slow Mix"

  Done

  • Remove the lyrics as they do not add anything to the section and the source you are citing it with does not have anything you can really add to this section either. Use this source for the “Critical reception” section as the article is giving a negative review of the album as the author describes the song as having “echoes of a ripped-off New Order beat play in the background”.

  Done

Critical reception

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  • Move the image to the “Live performances” section and give it an alt. and make it upright

  Done

  • The first sentence needs a verb

  Done

  • Replace “generally favorable reviews” to “mixed reviews” as there are negative reviews for the song (including from the source I discussed in the “Composition” section.

  Done

  • Remove the comma after “Bizarre Love Triangle” and replace with “and”

  Done

Live performances

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  • Remove entitled and replace with a : to make it as following (her worldwide concert tours: Harajuku Lovers Tour and The Sweet Escape Tour”.) World should be worldwide.

  Done

  • The line about the song being played during the fashion shows needs a citation and needs to placed somewhere else, either before discussing the tour or directly following it. Also, if you use this sentence, then rename the section as this is not a live performance of the song.

  Done

  • Rephrase the sentence with James Stevenson as follows: In his review of the video album Harajuku Lovers Live, Canoe.ca’s James Stevenson wrote “the Harajuku Girls donned 40s-era bathing suits and carried plastic beach balls while Stefani herself was glamorously decked out in a red-and-white-polka dot suit in one of many costume changes".

  Done

  • Include the definition of the Harajuku girls right after this sentence (You can use the same definition from “Long Way to Go”

  Done

  • Reword the last sentence to as follows: During his review of the concert’s video album, Glenn Meads of Manchester Evening News described Stefani’s performances as “reminiscent of Cyndi Lauper.” Link and italicize Manchester Evening News.
  • Move the identification of the song as being on Harajuku Lovers Live earlier in the paragraph as you are primarily using the DVD reviews in this section. The section needs a reference proving it is on the album (either link to Amazon.com or iTunes or something of that nature)

  Done

  • You need to discuss Stefani’s live performance of the song on The Sweet Escape Tour as you mention it in the opening line of this section and in the lead. I would expand and make a separate a paragraph for it if possible. Find sources for it (if possible reviews/articles and not YouTube links). It was part of the encore so there has to be something more out there about it.

  Done

Credits and personnel

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  • Change the title to either “Credits” or “Personnel”

  Done

  • Remove the management part as it is already shown in the infobox

  Done

References

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  • I am very impressed with the sources you could find for this article. Great job and I appreciate that you archived all the links as well.

  Done

Final comments

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  • @Carbrera: You have done a very excellent job here. The only areas for improvement I have noted above deal with some awkward sentence constructions and to remind you to discuss The Sweet Escape Tour somewhere in this article. Once you have addressed all my comments, this should an easy pass. Let me know if you have any questions or comments about my review.
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar):   b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):  
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section):   b (citations to reliable sources):   c (OR):   d (copyvio and plagiarism):  
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):   b (focused):  
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:  
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):   b (appropriate use with suitable captions):  
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:  
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