Talk:The Waldo Moment/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 17:56, 23 September 2019 (UTC)

Comments

• I would use Member of Parliament (United Kingdom) as the link, and pipe it to the non-capitalised "member of parliament".
• "episode contrasts other " reads a little odd to me, I would go for "episode is in contrast to other"
• We have an article on Trump's 2016 campaign...
• Why is Jamie referred to by his first name and the other characters by surname?
  • Good question. A mixture of Jamie being the main character and which names each characters are most commonly referred to by in dialogue. Jamie is an overgrown child and his surname is almost never used. In contrast, the politicians and even the other production company members want to be seen as respected professionals, the only exception being the often-drunk and immature executive Jack, who is also referred to by his first name. This all being said, I am open to other suggestions. Those were just my thoughts on the matter when I rewrote the plot. — Bilorv (talk) 12:47, 25 September 2019 (UTC)
• "to apologies to" typo.
• The final scene is a little more dystopian than you have written. Firstly Jamie's moved on as a vagrant by the police, and the blue bear is shown on every channel of the screen and also on buildings etc in the background...
  • Tough to make it clearer while keeping the wording tight but I've changed it to: In the final scene, Jamie is homeless and moved on by police. He throws a bottle at a screen displaying Waldo on every channel, in different languages. He is tasered and attacked by police. — Bilorv (talk) 12:47, 25 September 2019 (UTC)
• "On 22 January 2013, a trailer..." is this sentence relevant to this episode?
  • I think so; it's an important part of the second series marketing, essentially one of the two trailers for The Waldo Moment. — Bilorv (talk) 12:47, 25 September 2019 (UTC)
• External videos, text are fragments, no need for full stops.
• "based on Gorillaz. " probably worth explaining what Gorillaz is.
  • Completely. I've written: They imagined a politician based on the British band Gorillaz, whose members are digitally animated. — Bilorv (talk) 12:47, 25 September 2019 (UTC)
• Rupa Huq wasn't an MP at the time that Brooker wrote Waldo.
  • Nice spot. Interestingly, she had stood in 2005 as a Labour candidate in a safe Tory seat and finished third, but it's original research to say anything more than that she was consulted. Changed MP to "Labour politician". — Bilorv (talk) 12:47, 25 September 2019 (UTC)
• "as a "lightning rod for dissatisfaction with politicians"." quotes normally cited immediately.
• Ratz was only in the first series of Live and Kicking and it was only his head...
  • Changed it to Brooker based Waldo on Ratz, a virtual floating cat head from the first series of 1990s children's show Live & Kicking. — Bilorv (talk) 12:47, 25 September 2019 (UTC)
• " using very modern" very modern? modern is modern, or do you mean "state of the art" or similar?
  • Yep, changed to "state-of-the-art". — Bilorv (talk) 12:47, 25 September 2019 (UTC)
• "and Daniel Rigby plays Jamie Salter. " you've already noted that in the Plot and infobox.
  • Removed. — Bilorv (talk) 12:47, 25 September 2019 (UTC)
• " England. Members of the public " perhaps merge with "where ..."
• "a key theme.[11][9][12]" numerical order.
• Den of Geek doesn't need to be italicised.
• Could link 2016 United States presidential election.
  • I've linked Donald Trump 2016 presidential campaign again, as it seems to be a bit more relevant. — Bilorv (talk) 12:47, 25 September 2019 (UTC)
• And 2019 Ukrainian presidential election.
• "Yoshida[15] and" odd ref placement, and who/what is Yoshida?
  • Moved to the end of the sentence, and Grantland reviewer Emily Yoshida is introduced on her first mention in the Analysis section.
• No need to relink The Telegraph.
• Nor The A.V. Club.
• with tropes[26] ... again, not liking that ref placement, I'm sure our readers can wait to the end of the sentence before seeing this.
• " plausible.[15][27][23]" order.
• No need to relink Digital Spy.
• Our article on Mashable doesn't italicise.

That's all I have. Once again, a pleasure to review a Black Mirror article. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 11:54, 24 September 2019 (UTC)

Amazing! Thanks for your comments. I've addressed a few inline and fixed the rest. — Bilorv (talk) 12:47, 25 September 2019 (UTC)

I'm very happy with the changes made and the explanations given. So I'll promote, with one caveat: you do another Black Mirror episode GAN, you let me know! Cheers. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 15:27, 25 September 2019 (UTC)