Talk:Through Being Cool/GA2

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Gen. Quon (talk · contribs) 17:33, 16 November 2017 (UTC)

I'll take a crack at this in the upcoming days. Stay tuned.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 17:33, 16 November 2017 (UTC)

Part One

• This is more of a prose suggestion than a hang-up: In the intro, you mention that the band members were attending NYU and then they later dropped out to tour. Could you rework this paragraph so that those two sentences are right after another? I feel it would flow a bit better (as the two sentences, thematically linked by a reference to NYU, would no longer be separated by another sentence).
• "vocalist Chris Conley" In formal writing, many people oppose so-called "false titles". Might I suggest "The guitarist Dave Soloway..."? This applies to all other people mentioned in the article (e.g. Guitarist Dave Soloway", "Guitarist Ted Alexander")
• "Saves the Day's guitarist had left" Who was that?
• "...full tour of the U.S. Guitarist Dave Soloway..." This is kind of confusing since "U.S." is at the end of the sentence, but also reads like a modifier to "guitarist". Perhaps move "U.S." to another location or spell it out?
• "...telling a story." Can you perhaps elaborate on that? What is the story?

• They don't elaborate, unfortunately.

• "Sandshrew felt that cover would give the wrong impression, and Newman regretted it after the album was released." Why? What was the wrong impression, and was there a reason Newman regretted it in particular?

• The heck? Sandshrew? That's a Pokemon. His name's Sandshaw. This is awkward.

• Lol whoops. Must be vandals. I tried to clean it up in a few places.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 21:11, 16 November 2017 (UTC)

• "Luke Hoverman ... Frank Davidson" Who are these people? Are they label affiliates?

• I have no idea. They're just people credited in the booklet for doing the job.

• "video stations" seems kind of odd. Maybe "video outlets"? Or I could be totally wrong here.

• This version is correct. In this context, they're talking about their music video and the TV station they saw it on.

• I get that, but the phrase "video station" seems off. A Google search doesn't turn it up as a common expression, nor does a Google Books search. Perhaps just drop the second video and have something like, "The video was released to television stations on April 7"?--Gen. Quon (Talk) 21:16, 16 November 2017 (UTC)

• "Newman said the group "hated it as soon as we saw it" Any reason as to why?
• I get it is about touring, but in the "Release and touring" subsection, you use the word "tour" 11 times. Maybe try to combine and re-arrange sentences so that there isn't that much repetition.
• Link "CMJ New Music Report" to "CMJ#CMJ New Music Monthly"
• Allmusic gave the album a meh score, but the prose summation of the review makes it sound like it was mostly positive. Maybe add in some critiques.
• "McCall of NJ.com listed the album as "every third-wave emo band's inspiration..." 'listed' seems like an odd verb to use here, since it's more or less imply a reasoned argument from McCall. Something like 'contended', etc. is better.
• In note 1: " Gabe Saporta, a massive fan of the band..." -> "Gabe Saporta, a fan of the band" I feel like "massive" is a bit too weasely here.
• On the shortened refs with page numbers, I'd recommend adding a period at their end. I believe this was something I was told at FAN a long time ago. It's not required, but it'll make the finished product a little more polished.
• On the booklet citations, I don't think you need 'none' for the page number.
• With ref 13, "Jarman-Ivens 2013; p. 153" -> "Jarman-Ivens 2013, p. 153" (there is an errant semicolon there)
• Just a quick question: on the Shepherd full ref, what does "u.a." stand for? I'm just more curious than anything else.

• To be completely honest, I don't know. It was there when I took primary control of the page. dannymusiceditor ^{Speak up!} 03:58, 19 November 2017 (UTC)

• Dablinks and external links look good

Alrighty, things look decent. A few issues, but stuff that you can handle. I've also performed a copy-edit of the page. I'll put this on hold.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 18:31, 16 November 2017 (UTC)

@DannyMusicEditor: Just wanted to check in and see how things are going.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 16:12, 5 December 2017 (UTC)

@Gen. Quon: Am I missing something? I thought I did everything here. dannymusiceditor ^{Speak up!} 03:21, 8 December 2017 (UTC)

@DannyMusicEditor: Alright, upon closer look, it seems like the changes have been made. It now looks great! Passing.--Gen. Quon (Talk) 15:29, 8 December 2017 (UTC)