Talk:Thuppakki/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: SL93 (talk · contribs) 02:48, 5 August 2013 (UTC) Awkward phrasing -

• "On his arrival, he is forced by his parents and younger sisters into seeing Nisha (Kajal Aggarwal), a girl of their choice for their son to get married to." - I suggest "On his arrival, his parents and younger sisters force him to see Nisha (Kajal Aggarwal), who they chose for him to be married to".
• "At the bride-viewing ceremony, Jagdish makes up excuses to avoid marrying her, such as commenting that she is old-fashioned." I suggest "At the bride-viewing ceremony, Jagdish makes up excuses to avoid marrying her, which includes commenting about her being old-fashioned".
• "On the contrary, Nisha turns out to be a college-level boxer who is completely modern in outlook." I suggest "On the contrary, Nisha is a college-level boxer, who is completely modern in her outlook".
• "He captures the man, who planted the bomb in that bus and soon finds out that he is a mere executor (a sleeper cell) whose only role was to plant the bomb and that the Islamic terrorist group Harkat-ul-Jihad al-Islami (which the bomber belongs to) has planned various such attacks in the city in a couple of days." I suggest "He captures the man, who planted the bomb in that bus, and soon finds out that he is a mere executor, a sleeper cell, whose only role was to plant the bomb. He also discovers that the Islamic terrorist group Harkat-ul-Jihad al-Islam, which the bomber belongs to, has planned various such attacks in the city in a couple of days." It is not good to have such a long sentence.
• When the leader of the terrorist group (Vidyut Jamwal) finds out about the role of Jagdish in the failure of the terrorist attack, he begins to target the families of the army men (except Jagdish), kidnapping someone close to them." I suggest "When the leader of the terrorist group (Vidyut Jamwal) finds out about the role of Jagdish in the failure of the terrorist attack, he begins to target the families of the army men, except Jagdish, by kidnapping someone close to them."
• The sentence with "(who was about to be killed after Jagdish's bluff was exposed)" should be ", who was about to be killed after Jagdish's bluff was exposed,..."
• "With this attack too failed, the terrorist leader decides to target Jagdish himself." should be "When this attack fails, the terrorist leader decides to target Jagdish himself."
• I don't understand what "He asks Jagdish to surrender to him, failing which there would be more terrorist attacks." means.

That was only the plot section, and there are too many other issues throughout the article for this to be anything other than a quick-fail. It would be beneficial to ask someone from Wikipedia:WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors to copy edit the article. SL93 (talk) 02:48, 5 August 2013 (UTC)