Talk:Tommy Amaker/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 19:38, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Overall this article is good, though I have the following concerns:

• "As an NCAA Division I college basketball coach, he took his first team to the post season in each of his four seasons as their coach, helped his second team win the National Invitation Tournament the year after a probationary ban from postseason play, and had the winningest season in school history in the third season with his third team." I'm not a fan of using the 'first team' etc. here. Even though we know the teams at this point in the article it just feels sloppy; just name the colleges for that sentences.
  • Done.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:21, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
• "His skills on the court and leadership off the court made him a stand out point guard." Feels a little pov, plus sentence is probably not necessary.
  • This sentence was an artifact that predated my involvement in the article. I have removed it.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:30, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
• The first paragraph feels a lot like anintro paragraph for the section. I can't explain it entirely but it just feels rather odd. Maybe I'm wrong but if that's the intent I'd modify it.
  • My original intent was to do a four paragraph WP:LEAD with the first as an overview of the other three. However, it seemed to me that his career could more easily be divided into two with one as a player and one as a coach. Yes, I have done the first paragraph tells you everything in a nutshell before with several other articles that have been favorably reviewed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:35, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
• "The three-point shot became a permanent part of the game during his senior season and he led the team that year." This sentence is fine, but perhaps something can be found noting he had more of a pure point guard style before this? (the assist-stealing over shooting)
  • I don't really understand what you mean or what your basis for this comment is. I imagine he shot the ball before the three-pointer came about.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 12:57, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
    • You didn't strike and you didn't comment. I am not sure what this means.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:35, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

      I just meant that's something you could add. Just ignore this one. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 04:50, 1 May 2010 (UTC)

• "He set the career steals record, which stood until Shane Battier broke it in 2001." any specific game when he broke it?
  • No. I was working from the record book, not game logs.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 12:58, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
  • P.S. If it is anywhere, it is somewhere here, but it is not really worth digging through every article on the off chance that one of them mentions it for this article. It might be for Battier's article though.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 13:06, 25 April 2010 (UTC)
• "While at Duke his roommate for away games was Mike Brey.[3]" While a nice note, it doesn't seem to fit well at the end of that paragraph. Not sure where you could move it though.
  • I have rearranged. Is it better?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:50, 27 April 2010 (UTC)
• "While an assistant, he declined numerous Division I head coaching opportunities" Any examples? If not that's fine.
  • Have not seen specific ones listed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:47, 27 April 2010 (UTC)
• For the Michigan sections, adding in the records while discussing the tournament placements/seasons would be helpful in some cases, even though it's in the chart below.
  • O.K.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:08, 29 April 2010 (UTC)
• "According to friend, John Feinstein, Amaker was politically left-leaning and Krzyzewski was the opposite.[3]" I'd find a better way to put it in. I'm not seeing the relevance of a player and coach having differing political views.
  • It is in the personal section, so it is just an element of his personality. I am not sure of a much better place to put it and see no reason to remove it.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:02, 29 April 2010 (UTC)
• Ref #8 is a deadlink and bare url, though since you have another ref there it's not really needed anyway and could probably just be removed.
  • Found archive.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:42, 27 April 2010 (UTC)
• Add the date in for Ref #? (The harvard crimson ref).
  • O.K.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 01:59, 27 April 2010 (UTC)

• It is going to take me a while to get to this. I have a book to return to the library tomorrow, which means the next 24 hours will be spent researching Petrillo Music Shell and Grant Park Music Festival from the book. Then I will mostly be focussing on preparing a presentation for Wikipedia:Meetup/Chicago 3.1.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 19:56, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

  That's fine; it'll take me another day or two to finish the review anyway. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 21:07, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

  Review done now, article on hold until the 29th. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 03:09, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

  I think I am suppose to have until the 30th and what I am saying is I might need until a few days after May 1st. I will try to address some issues before then.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 03:15, 23 April 2010 (UTC)

• I am not so sure I agree with the removal of so many sourced comments by William Rhoden and George Vecsey, who are not your average journalists. Even though they serve as duplicate sources they help the reader get a stronger feeling of reliability.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:27, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
  • Please respond to this.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:02, 29 April 2010 (UTC)

    It sounds like you're in favor of just adding sources to add them. You can put them back in if you want, but I find them unnecessary. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 04:49, 1 May 2010 (UTC)

    • Readded one ref by each of these authors (total of 2).--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:44, 1 May 2010 (UTC)

GA pass. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 04:50, 1 May 2010 (UTC)