Talk:Tropical Storm Dean (1983)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 02:56, 13 June 2012 (UTC)

• With the opening sentence, you might want to add "on record" or something. And is there a source for it?
  • Added, currently looking for a source, though--12george1 (talk) 03:29, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
    • Yea, let me know when you add a source. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:52, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
• " it gained characteristics of a tropical cyclone, and by September 27, it was re-classified as Tropical Storm Dean" - cut down on the redundancy with "tropical cyclone" and "Tropical Storm Dean"
  • Fixed, I think--12george1 (talk) 20:34, 17 June 2012 (UTC)
• Three consecutive sentences have the phrase "tropical storm" in them.
  • Fixed--12george1 (talk) 03:29, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
• " degenerated into an area of disturbed weather" - is that the official term?
• "Offshore, swells generated by the storm stranded a tugboat and injured two people. " - where?
  • Fixed--12george1 (talk) 03:29, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
    • K, but just so you know, you don't need to say "offshore of", since both function as prepositions. Only the first one is needed. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:52, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
      • But you told me to add specifically where it was. I cannot simply say it was in Virginia, because it wasn't, it was offshore of that state.--12george1 (talk) 20:10, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
        • Nah, I just mean gramatically, the "of" isn't needed. "Offshore Virginia" is perfectly valid. I'm just giving you the head's up in the future. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 14:48, 14 June 2012 (UTC)
          • Ok, it is fixed now--12george1 (talk) 18:45, 14 June 2012 (UTC)
• How strong were wind-gusts, in actual mph?
  • There is no specific wind observations--12george1 (talk) 03:29, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
    • Well, were the gusts the ones mentioned in the MH by recon, or did gusts along the coast also near hurricane-force? ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:52, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
• "Damage from the storm was minimal, totaling to between $1,000 and $10,000 (1983 USD)." - was that the actual total? Or just the sum of the known amounts?
  • It is a sum of damage amounts--12george1 (talk) 03:29, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
    • So that isn't a total then. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:52, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
      • Ok, so I removed it and labeled the damage total as "unknown"--12george1 (talk) 20:10, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
        • I think that's probably the best course of action, considering the known total is so low. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 14:48, 14 June 2012 (UTC)
• "causing a strong pressure gradient and gale force winds over the East Coast of the United States" - I'm not sure the parallelism works here. That'd mean that it "[caused] gale force winds over the ECOTUS". Not sure that "causing winds" is the best constructing. I think "producing" would be a good parallel for both, however.
  • Fixed--12george1 (talk) 03:29, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
• "While located about 460 miles (740 km) east of Central Florida" - how can you be so specific for an area as broad as "Central Florida"?
  • The preliminary report isn't anymore specific than that--12george1 (talk) 03:29, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
    • You don't have to use the exact wording though, particularly when the official wording doesn't make much sense. Central Florida could be anywhere from Tampa to Orlando to Kennedy Space Center. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:52, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
      • Changed to 455 miles east of Vero Beach, Florida--12george1 (talk) 18:45, 14 June 2012 (UTC)
• " It is estimated that at 1800 UTC on that day, the system became a subtropical storm. Initially it was classified as a subtropical cyclone because a ship reported gale force winds as far as 230 miles (370 km) from the center." - try condensing the sentences.
  • Fixed--12george1 (talk) 03:29, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
    • I condensed it further. However, I'm curious. In what direction were the gales? ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:52, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
      • No specifics available on the direction of the gales.--12george1 (talk) 18:45, 14 June 2012 (UTC)
• Why did the storm initially track to the north-northeast?
  • It may have been from the system that spawned Dean: [1]. I am not sure though, what do you think?--12george1 (talk) 20:34, 17 June 2012 (UTC)
    • Yea, that sounds like it. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:59, 18 June 2012 (UTC)
• "the wind field quickly began to condense" - so it began very quickly? Or was it quick to condense? (the wording suggests the former)
  • Fixed--12george1 (talk) 18:45, 14 June 2012 (UTC)
• " indicated that a weak ridge" - is this the same ridge as the one earlier mentioned? 1,035 sounds pretty formidable to be a weak ridge.
• "Six hours later" - from when? That's the beginning of a paragraph.
  • Fixed--12george1 (talk) 03:29, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
• " However, thereafter, the storm began weakening" - pick either "however" or "thereafter". Both don't work together. Why did it weaken?
  • Fixed--12george1 (talk) 03:29, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
• "Shortly thereafter at 1800 UTC" - I'd only include "at 1800 UTC", but you should indicate the day.
  • Fixed--12george1 (talk) 03:29, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
    • You still have "shortly thereafter". It's padding to make it seem longer. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:52, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
      • Fixed--12george1 (talk) 20:34, 17 June 2012 (UTC)
        • You still didn't fix it! You still have "Shortly thereafter at 1800 UTC". :P ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:59, 18 June 2012 (UTC)
• "Dean dissipated" - you mention dissipation twice. What happened?
  • Fixed--12george1 (talk) 20:34, 17 June 2012 (UTC)
    • I don't think unidentifiable is correct, considering its remnants were tracked through New England. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:59, 18 June 2012 (UTC)
• "Winds caused little effect other than isolated power outages, especially on the Outer Banks" - what do you mean by the "especially" part?
  • I meant the most of the isolated power outages occurred on the Outer Banks--12george1 (talk) 03:29, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
    • Were there power outages outside of the Outer Banks? ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:52, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
• "Waves up to 8 ft (2.4 m) caused beach erosion across North Carolina" - you already mentioned NC beach erosion
  • Fixed--12george1 (talk) 20:34, 17 June 2012 (UTC)
• "Although winds were estimated to have been around 60 mph (95 km/h) as the storm moved inland, structural damage was reported to be minimal" - cut down on passive voice
  • Do you have any suggestions?--12george1 (talk) 20:34, 17 June 2012 (UTC)
    • Well, get rid of "reported to be". ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:59, 18 June 2012 (UTC)
• "Rough seas in Maryland caused the removal of thousands of tons of sand near Ocean City" - try rewriting. Do the same for Delaware. Or, can't you combine states?
  • Fixed; not sure about combining Maryland and Delaware, though--12george1 (talk) 18:54, 14 June 2012 (UTC)
• "totaling to between $5,00" - ???
  • Fixed, I think--12george1 (talk) 03:29, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
• Be consistent with abbreviating. Why don't you abbr. inches?
  • Fixed--12george1 (talk) 03:29, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
    • Well, no. You abbreviate miles, pounds, and other things, but you don't abbreviate inches. You should do that. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:52, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
      • Fixed; I instead un-abbreviated the other units of measure--12george1 (talk) 20:34, 17 June 2012 (UTC)
        • That's a MOS violation though. If one unit is abbreviated, the other should be too. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:59, 18 June 2012 (UTC)
• "The remnants of Dean dropped light precipitation in New England, which caused little, if any damage" - the source doesn't mention the damage part in New England.
  • Fixed--12george1 (talk) 03:29, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
    • You sure? I didn't see anything about Dean's effects in New England in that source (nor would I expect to, since Dean didn't move into New England until October, and the paper covers September). ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 13:52, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
      • Fixed (for real this time)--12george1 (talk) 18:54, 14 June 2012 (UTC)
        • Where does the Storm Data say there was "minimal, if any damage" in New England? ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 18:59, 18 June 2012 (UTC)

Basically, the article has a lot of padding. Try cutting down on that a bit. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 02:56, 13 June 2012 (UTC)

I just finished the remaining things, so I'm passing it. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 14:07, 20 June 2012 (UTC)