Talk:Twintelle

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Twintelle/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Haleth (talk · contribs) 09:45, 17 August 2021 (UTC)

I'll take this one. BRB with comments. Haleth (talk) 09:45, 17 August 2021 (UTC)

Most issues are prose-related. Broadness of coverage from sources is fine, though one particular article is useless in my opinion and does not contribute anything towards quality. I have listed my concerns below. Haleth (talk) 15:16, 27 August 2021 (UTC)

@Haleth: Dusa has had a lot going on recently (we know each other off-wiki) and I offered to take over the review for her since it's been going on for so long. I assume this is fine - if so I will go over the issues you listed either today or over the weekend.--Alexandra^IDV 07:57, 10 September 2021 (UTC)

@Haleth: I have responded to each of your points - some of which were already handled by Dusa - please let me know if there's anything else, and I will take another look.--Alexandra^IDV 13:30, 10 September 2021 (UTC)

@Alexandra IDV: Hi there, thanks for stepping in on Dusa's behalf as I was going to follow up by pinging her, and I hope she's ok. Anyway, everything I have raised has already been addressed and the article looks good. It's a pass for me. Haleth (talk) 05:33, 12 September 2021 (UTC)

Lede

• Suggest adding player between "other" and "characters" and whitelink it as player character
  • Done--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• She is described, perhaps depicted would be more apt? My impression is that it is more then throwaway flavor text since the body states that she is the in-universe owner of one glamorous-looking stage.
  • Done--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• The design process for Twintelle was more difficult than the others in Arms I believe, from re-reading the original source, is that the process is more "complicated" then "difficult" if we have to use a word to summarize the design process.
  • Fair, done.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• Suggest moving She was first revealed in May 2017 Nintendo Direct, where she quickly became a fan favorite and a popular black character in video games. as the opening sentence of the second paragraph. The next few lines deal directly with her popularity anwyay.
  • Done.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• resulting in her being the subject of fan art. Should be merged into the sentence about her Nintendo Direct reveal and fan favorite status.
  • Done.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)

Concept and creation

• She is black and French, featuring dark brown skin and large, silver/pink locks. "black and French" should be "a Black French person" (whitelink), swap featuring to with.
  • Done.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• Could do with a brief description of who Adeyto is.
  • Done.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• She uses her hair to fight due to her hair unlike her actual arms, which is the case for most other fighters Suggest she fights with her hair unlike other fighters who utilize their arms
  • Done.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• Too many repetitive uses of "she is" to start sentences throughout the first paragraph in my opinion. A bit of variation would be good.
  • Sorted.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• Designers sent sketches to these divisions of the character to get their opinions on them This sentence does not flow well and probably unnecessary, as the previous sentence already made it clear that other Nintendo divisions were contacted for their opinion on the character's design.
  • Done.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• The design process was more time consuming and difficult than the process for other characters Again, I never got the impression from the reading of the original source that the character was explicitly spelled out as "difficult" to design. It simply stated that the team was worried about her concept without specifying the exact reason why they are worried, though it does say they made a conscious decision to put more time and effort into her design.
  • I have tweaked this, how does it look now to you?--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)

Reception

• high degree of should be omitted. It seemed like a puffery term to me. Previous sentences have already stated facts about the extent of her popularity.
  • Done.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• lead to should be led to.
  • Done.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• sexual characteristics alludes to some quality about the character but is kind of vague. Neither source specifically spell out or include any terms that correlate to "sex", "sexy" or "sexuality" or discuss anything along these lines.
  • The Kotaku source does not seem to want to say "sexy", but very much implies it when discussing how the fanart depicts her. I have changed it to the milder "attractiveness".--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• Writer Xavier Harding suggested that the amount of fanart of Twintelle suggested that Nintendo had a "hit on their hands repetitive use of "suggested". Prose could use improvement.
  • Done.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• Why does a listicle from a Geek.com writer get a sentence all to themselves when the other critics who want Twintelle for Smash in articles of a similar style is compiled together in one sentence? I feel it is undue.
  • Agreed.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• She suggested that Twintelle's hair was part of a greater issue in video games to do with the handling of black people's hair Omit to do.
  • Done.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• They felt that their hair deconstructed the idea of "weaponized hair," arguing that she "fights alongside it" instead of against it. I am a bit confused by this sentence. Does Shonte Daniels from Paste use or insist on "they/them" pronouns, and does "their hair" refer to Daniels' hair or Twintelle's hair? If so, why in the next sentence is the female pronoun used as in She compared Twintelle to black female athletes such as tennis player Serena Williams...or does "she" refer to Tanya DePass from Mic?
  • She uses "her" on her website. I suspect this was a placeholder - regardless, I think this is sorted.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• masculine body The source does not actually say that Serena acknowledges her body to be "masculine", but that it is "muscular". "Muscular" is not synonymous with "masculine".
  • Yeah. I don't know what happened here, but done.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• flauints should be flaunts.
  • Done.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• unique character designs should be singular not plural.
  • Done.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• She further discusses that Twintelle's sexuality works in Arms... I think "sex appeal" conveys the intended meaning better, but its your call.
  • Agreed. They're similar, but "sexuality" can also evoke "sexual orientation" or "libido".
• In celebrating former Nintendo of America President Reggie Fils-Aimé, Geek.com writer Jordan Minor featured Twintelle on his list of his favorite black characters, calling her the "Queen of ARMS." I object to the inclusion of this article, which for some reason is no longer accessible other then through Internet Archive. The only thing that is relevant within the context of this page is that Twintelle is mentioned, fleetingly, on a list of top black characters published in celebration of Black History Month, where pretty much the entirety of its body talked about Reggie Fils-Aimé, who isn't actually a fictional character, and there is zero commentary to be found about her.
  • I agree. Done.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• Whitelink Grand Valley State University.
  • Done.--Alexandra^IDV 13:08, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
• were it not for poorly depicted black women in games, there would be few options left I think there's room for improvement to paraphrase the point that Alisha Karabinus is trying to make in her article. Perhaps something along the lines of, but felt that they are not insurmountable issues, and said the key issue is a lack of representation and that there should be more playable black female characters in video games".
  • Well... I read the article, and I think your suggestion is an improvement, so I just went ahead and implemented it.--Alexandra^IDV 13:28, 10 September 2021 (UTC)

Appearances section

I find it hard to believe that there is so little to say about this character's role in Arms. No backstory, no storyline, nothing? The section is literally only three sentences, and one is about a cameo in a different game! If not addressed, I think that this would be grounds for delisting under WP:GACR#3a, since their role in Arms is certainly a main aspect of the character. QuicoleJR (talk) 23:49, 27 April 2024 (UTC)

Pinging @Alexandra IDV: as the main person behind the article's promotion and @Cukie Gherkin: as the article's creator and original nominator. QuicoleJR (talk) 23:53, 27 April 2024 (UTC)

I only took over the GAN to avoid it failing from lack of activity, and don't really have much connection to this article or character otherwise.--Alexandra^IDV 07:48, 28 April 2024 (UTC)

This article doesn't warrant GAR; if you're willing to GAR an article, then it would be Charizard. 🥒Greenish Pickle!🥒 (🔔) 00:39, 28 April 2024 (UTC)

I plan on improving Charizard in the coming days as part of my efforts to improve the species articles, so you shouldn't need to worry about that. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 00:42, 28 April 2024 (UTC)

Yeah, I was just giving an example to him if he's really into GAR stuff. 🥒Greenish Pickle!🥒 (🔔) 00:49, 28 April 2024 (UTC)

From a cursory bit of research, Arms seems to lack a proper "story" per se, at least in regards to individual characters. As for her backstory, a peruse at the Arms wiki shows very little, and most of it seems trivial at a glance (Linking here for reference). I don't think it makes sense to delist an article for a short summary if that is all that there is to say, and any additional information on Twintelle seems pretty small, and as a result easy to add. Has one ever considered Magneton? Pokelego999 (talk) 00:41, 28 April 2024 (UTC)

If it is impossible to add more information, then it does not need to be delisted. I just assumed that there would be more to add. QuicoleJR (talk) 01:07, 28 April 2024 (UTC)